my son is debating not to go with me to my inlaws xmas party
he is 10 years old and always asks me why my sister in law gives everyone a gift except him my son is from previous marriage and i dont know what to tell him when he asks me why he didnt receive a gift from her...he is my son and he is too small to see that ..what should i do i cant talk to my sister in law or my husband they wont understand ....
2007-12-22 18:36:03 · 15 answers · asked by Georgina 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband should be their to support your son and you on this. You don't have a party and not give to the children at Christmas. you have the right to be upset...
Take the high road. Buy a gift for him, take it (without him knowing) and then tell your sister-in-law in private "Hey, I know you may not have expected him to be here so I brought along a gift just in case there wasn't enough to go around.'
This may make her take notice that there are others she needs to think about during this time of year.
Good luck!
2007-12-22 18:41:56 · answer #1 · answered by Karen 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Your sister-in-law is being rude if your son from a previous relationship is literally the only excluded person from her gift giving. Better than even YOU bringing him a special gift to present to him at this party would be for YOUR HUSBAND to give him a gift, preferably in the presence of the rest of his family. That would send a strong message that he considers your child HIS child, too, and so should they.
My husband has no children of his own, but my daughter from a previous marriage is not a blood relation to any of his siblings or their children, obviously. At parties where there are "blood" nieces and nephews as well as my daughter, the blood relatives get more gifts, but a few always think to bring something for Katie, and that's enough. She understands that the others are closer relatives than she is, but as long as she isn't totally excluded, she is OK with it (thank goodness). The older they get, I think it is easier for them to understand the distinction at some level. It is much more pleasant when people don't show favoritism toward the blood relatives to the exclusion of other children in the family, though.
2007-12-23 02:52:57 · answer #2 · answered by ScienceMom 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh poor baby, that is a tough situation, but i think because he is ten, at this age he might understand why if you explain to him why she doesnt get him one, just like say if you had a sister, why she wouldnt get a present for your sister in laws kids. Maybe before you get there tell him its ok if you dont get a prezzie because your going to have heaps more from others, but you must remind him just before he goes in. Oh now its Adult talk, if she basically is a selfish little *****, and she has kids, i suggest you strengthen your heart and do the same to her!!! Because her and her kids are NOT better than your son!! I know your husband is going to get them prezzies, but make sure he states at the party that they are from him!! ONLY!! What matters here is your sons feelings, Oh and if you have the extra cash get your son something that would make them go OHHH, bring a prezzie with you there and surprise him, Good Luck...
2007-12-23 02:58:10 · answer #3 · answered by amani 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to discuss this with your husband. When he married you he also "married" (brought into his family) your son. It is your husband's place to step in and insist that his step son (your son) be treated like the rest of the children in the family. If he "doesn't understand" then he never accepted your son and YOU should never have married the man to begin with. If it were me he certainly wouldn't be MY husband.
2007-12-23 02:58:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
your husband needs to be made to understand. that is mean and rude to do to a child. u should be able to discuss this with your husband. otherwise i would have a very hard time attending. it is an obvious snub. for a ten yr. old to be upset about it is natural. hopefully everyone else is not excluding him.
2007-12-23 02:44:43 · answer #5 · answered by it stinks in here! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Excuse me, but why cant you talk to them about it. Personaly I would be yelling. and um if my son was being treated diffrently and unjustly i wouldnt be going to her house ever. I dont care who she is. Its not acceptable to treat a child whos a family member diffrently than any other member of the family.
2007-12-23 03:22:41 · answer #6 · answered by loquitaamericana 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them flat out if you can't accept my son then you don't need to except me , and don't go again. It makes me sick to hear people say well they are not blood, that is your husband step child and they need to get a grip. You husband better understand you two came as a package deal, if he doesn't get it kick him to the curb. Your boy comes first.
2007-12-23 02:47:02 · answer #7 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
sorry, but I think that's very rude on her part...he's family...it shouldn't matter that he's from a previous marriage.....I'm surprised your husband doesn't understand.....I would leave it up to him...if he doesn't want to go, I'd say that's ok...and shame on your sis in law for treating a child that way.....
2007-12-23 02:44:27 · answer #8 · answered by nemofish 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
start buying something for him and take it to the party so he has somthing to open. Make damn sure you dont get anyting for her.OR better yet also get something for her from him and make sure he hands it to her and tells her that it is for her even IF she has nothing for him. Nothing like embarassing her in front of family.
2007-12-23 02:43:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
it is better you explain this to your in laws as it can affect the future relationship your son will have in his letter life.
you are his mother and you must protect him from all such emotional trauma.
2007-12-23 02:41:36 · answer #10 · answered by Immortal Rebel 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋