How do you best define friendship?

Question

My wife died in June 2006 - at the time she died, I thought I had many friends and I was pretty shocked to find that only a few people stayed in touch with me. i.e. they called me to support me and they didn't wait for me to call them. They stepped up and they were there. Everyone else I guess I could have called them had I wanted to, but I really didn't stay in touch with anyone that didn't make an effort to support me. So I started defining friendship as one where the person checks on you without your having to initiate it all the time -i.e. it's two way - if some time goes by they'll call you or you'll call them. But with aquaintences you are the only one who picks up the phone. or you have to initiate it. I'm ok initiating but like when your wife dies you aren't in any condition to call everyone. It was a year before I was able to go and call people really. Then I met people after she died. I think of all these new people as acquaintences but they think of me as a friend

so I think it's pretty strange in a relationship where they think I'm their friend (and i am) but I don't think they are mine yet. The thing is there were signs the people I thought were my friends weren't really my friends, in that I was the one picking up the phone all the time. So is it unrealistic to view things this way? It's like where you have a job and you talk to your co-workers daily and you think you are "friends" with them, and then you or them gets laid off and then contact is broken. That was never a friendship in my mind. I think it takes more depth for it to really be a friendship. Am I right about all this - am I reading this wrongly?
I guess I don't want to get hurt like I did before I don't know.

Answer 1

Your original definition makes sense. The delineation between friends and acquaintances is important.

Friends cheer those in triumph and comfort those in distress. A friend is genuinely concerned about your welfare and well-being. Without being prompted or reminded, true friends contact you periodically to nurture the relationship.

Acquaintances, however, have relationships with you as a matter of convenience and nothing else. Thus, as you mentioned, you will not see them extend much effort to contact you or keep you informed about their lives much less call you about your own.

Despite all of the communication and technological advances, acquaintances tend to contact you very haphazardly or intermittently. This is so because you are typically at the very bottom of an acquaintance's list.

You can trust that acquaintances are looking out for their own self-interests and nothing else. Acquaintainces typically demonstrate that they have better things to do with their time than to waste any of it with you.

Finally, your darkest hours always reveal who your true friends are.

Remember that.

Answer 2

I feel that there are different levels of friendship.

There are your work friends; people who you only see at work but of the ones who are there, they are your favorites.

There are ones who are giving and ones who are reserved.

Some may not really know how to support a person in grief or even realize that the person has that need. They may assume that you have family who are a much better support system for you than they could even begin to know how to be. Others could be uncomfortable in their not knowing what to say or how to act with the fear of drumming up emotions in you that you may not wish to be visited by.

The best way to have a friend is to be a friend. Spending some time with a person and taking an interest in their concerns for just a few moments can sometimes brighten their day. It is said that people may not remember what you said but they never forget how you made them feel.

Pick a potential buddy and invite him to an event that he may have an interest in.

There are Woodworking Shows, Boat Shows, Car Shows, Rodeos, Ball Games, Fishing, etc. You name it. Find something that a person is interested in and take an interest in it for a while too. People love to share what they know about something with someone else who shows an interest in it.

Best Wishes

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Answer 3

people who will stay with you during the good times and bad..people who will cheer you up when you are down..someone who loves you for who you are and will never try to change you..the "siblings" God forgot to give you..