I'm a 20 year old single mom with a 3.5 month old infant. She has been with me 24/7 since she was been born. I'm constantly hearing other moms say how great motherhood is and how much they love their lil babies, but it's like I just don't get it sometimes. I work my butt off to take care of that little girl, don't get me wrong she has a pretty good life right now. I just don't feel "attached" to her, I mean I'd do anything for her but at the same time I feel I could just as easily drop her off with her dad so I can sleep and go on with my life. Is this normal and it just takes more time to form a relationship with her, or what?
2007-12-22 15:51:42 · 12 answers · asked by babydoll32 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
It os totally normal, I felt the exact same way it is because you do not get a break, once a week drop her off at a family members house or something for an hour or so, this way you get a chance to relax (or clean in my case),
and I found I was missing my boy so much and actually did start bonding better after a small amount of "me time".
And you are showing you are a good mum by asking for help its not easy.
My son was 5 months old when i really truly felt that i bonded with him, make sure you dont have a slight case of depression also
2007-12-22 16:02:15 · answer #1 · answered by M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 20 also, but married and my son is 2 months old and I feel the same way a lot. It had gotten so bad that I didn't even want my son around and I felt guilty for wanting a baby since we actually planned him and tried for a baby for 7 months. I love him VERY much and would do anything for him, but I don't understand the whole motherhood is so great thing either. I went to the doctor for my feelings and got put on depression meds and it has helped A LOT. I still miss the past and being able to sleep whenever I wanted, but I know it will get better.
2007-12-23 00:06:55 · answer #2 · answered by Caleb's Mommy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was a single mom at 19 and I felt the same way. It was so hard to do it by myself, and to see all my friends leading their lives without babies. They were free to do as they pleased. To come and go, and sleep in, and not worry about bringing home a paycheck every two weeks to buy formula and diapers and toys and clothes.
I would say just have patience and give yourself some time to fall in love with your little girl.
I do have to tell you that my oldest daughter and I, (she just turned 18) really have always had more of a sister like relationship and than a mother daughter relationship. We grew up together, so the dynamic between us has always been different. It's not that I didn't love her to death and care for her, it's just that we have a different bond.
Don't beat yourself up about how you feel. You are young and you have lots of life ahead of you. Maybe you just need more of a break from her. Do you have family who would take her so you can do some things on your own? Is her daddy trustworthy enough to watch her overnight or something like that? What about her daddy's family? What about a close and trusted friend?
Don't ever feel bad about taking breaks from your baby. You can't spend 24/7 with a little one and not feel crazy sometimes. Good luck!
2007-12-23 00:01:02 · answer #3 · answered by Danielle L 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to feel this way sometimes in the beginning. You're probably exhausted being a single mom. You might also have a touch of post-partum depression which could be interfering with the bonding process. I would talk to your doctor asap about how you're feeling just to ensure that you take care of yourself.
Sometimes bonding takes time. It sounds like you're a good mom. You're taking care of your baby and doing so all by yourself at this point. You should be very proud of yourself. Don't feel guilt because you're tired, slow to bind and would appreciate a break. Nothing to worry about.
It couldn't hurt to get the father, his family and yours (if you have any around) more involved so that you CAN get time to yourself to refresh and then be able to "enjoy" your daughter.
All the best.
2007-12-23 00:18:09 · answer #4 · answered by AngelBaby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun, it sounds like you may have postpartum depression, which is normal after having a baby. Your hormones are still all out of whack and you are tired. Go tak to your doctor, he can help you. You need to remember, your baby didn't make the choice to be born, you made this choice, and as hard as it is and as tired as you get and as hard as you work, you chose to be a mother, so you need to go to the doctor and deal with these feelings. Things will get better. I know it's hard. I was 20 also when I had my first. for me, I had postpartum and didn't realize it. I bonded, but also struggled with depression. You are adjusting to a very new reality and a very new life ahead of you. Go talk to your doctor asap.
2007-12-23 00:11:36 · answer #5 · answered by Maalru3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone here is saying your feelings are normal....but i am not so sure
and i don't know whether to say you truly have depression or not....but possibly
i don't understand personally how you could feel so detatched from your infant.....being with my babies brings me ultimate happiness and being without them makes me anxious.......when my 6 month old is in daycare while i am in class at the university i cannot wait to get back and see her and breastfeed her.......i literally run to the care center and scoop her up and love her up as much as i can....then i leave to go do homework/whatever and repeat the process
i wish happiness for you and hope you get over this hump....good luck sweety
2007-12-23 01:04:07 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could be suffering from post partum depression...and it's not your fault, this is something that happens to many mothers, but you need to talk to someone about this. talk to your doctor first.
It also takes time to adjust...up until Jada was 6 or 7 months old...i still felt like i wanted to do what I wanted! it's normal to an extent for new mothers....and this does take time and your Patience will grow as ur maturity will (im 19) .....it will get better hun...i know.....
2007-12-23 00:00:25 · answer #7 · answered by Jada and Ty's mommy 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
thats funny you asked that bc I was just sitting down this moring thinking that same thing and I felt so bad for thinking it even. I have been around my son who is 5 months old 24-7 since he was born (we even co sleep). I have no friends are family here so its just always me.
2007-12-23 04:55:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you ALWAYS feel like this, then you may have some postpartum depression. Please seek help with your health care provider. If you feel this way because you are tired or overwhelmed, then by all means take a break. Get someone to watch her for the afternoon and rejuvenate yourself.
2007-12-22 23:58:58 · answer #9 · answered by missbeans 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me you are not getting any breaks, and that is so important. you must find a way to take time out for yourself. however, if you have had help and still feel this way then you could have post-partum deppression and you need to talk to someone. honey, hang in there, i will be thinking about you.
2007-12-23 00:02:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋