My parents are very nice educated individuals. They raised me and my sister well and I'm happy to have them. However...recently I brought home a man who I would love to marry once I finish school and raise a family with. I love him for who he is and he makes me happy.
BUT, when he went to meet the parents, he was...who he is which is a person who is not going to put on a facade or front. My mother ended up getting into it with him...because he doesn’t have or want a degree (this is all on thanksgiving as well) and now they do not like him. She called him a "sociopath" and doesn't want me to be with him.
I'm torn.
Have you ever married someone your parents didn't like? Was it worth it?
Please Help!
2007-12-22 15:47:27 · 11 answers · asked by JHammonds 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My age is 23 by the way and I'm a senior in college.
2007-12-24 04:45:59 · update #1
I was once engaged prior to my husband. My parents did not like that man. My Mom stayed mum, my Dad let it be know after we told him of the engagement. I broke it off not because of Dad, but seeing Dad's disappointment (trust me he never looked so disappointed in me ever) caused me pause and other issues between guy and I showed me that he was selfish when it came to things important to me. I ran in the house one day and said Mom I can't do this how do I break this off kindly? I can't marry him. She was sweeping the stairs and said with a sigh of relief I am so glad I was just praying you'd see...
So I did not call it off because of Dad, but Dad threw a spotlight on it for me. Parents know us ,,loves us, and want the best for us. I never regretted this decision. When my husband asked for my hand I heard the exchange was subtle and my Dad instantly and with minimal words put my husband at ease and gave his blessing. On my end there was no pause or shock as before. It was the whole "script" thing he opens box she cries....etc
While it is difficult and not the wisest choice for Mom/Dad to show their disapproval (sounds like pure emotion) often it can backfire if you are rebellious they push you together, or if you are just not where you can see it is not a match their efforts are futile. Overall the choice is yours, but parents (that raise their kids) know their children the best...
Good luck
2007-12-22 16:08:36 · answer #1 · answered by Woman in Red 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I married someone my parents didn't like much, pretty much for almost the same reason. He refused to be someone he wasn't in front of them or to put up any sort of act. That's great, but at the same time I hope that doesn't mean that the guy you brought home cussed during dinner or something! :-)
Your parents just want what's best for you, and they probably see that as being someone with a good education. Depending on your age, they may take this relationship seriously or not. If you're just 16, then they might not take it too seriously, but still object to you spending time with him. It's okay if he doesn't want to further his education, but he has to know that it might limit his future endeavors.
It would be easier to be with someone who your family liked because then you'll be given much more support when you have an argument with him. If you have an argument with him and they don't like him, they might encourage you to leave him or even throw out a few "I told you so!"s. Just be prepared for that.
2007-12-22 16:08:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes I married someone that my parents did not like and I would not change it. You are the one that has to live your life, not them. You have to make sure that you are happy. They cannot decide that for you and you should not let them. My parents had all sorts of ideas about my husband while we were dating and none of them were true. Not having a degree is not the end of the world, your mother is being snobby. It probably made her mad that he did not put up a front either, good for him. Nothing wrong with being your own man. If you love him and he makes you happy, ignore what they say.
2007-12-22 16:33:55 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i won't swear to it, but if this goes anything like my first marriage did, you are in for it girl! My first marriage was exactly what you are saying. My parents did not want me to be with him, but I defied them and married him. That saying about being from different sides of the tracks is really true. When you are rasied with different standards and morals, you may be in love and agree on stuff at first, but just wait until you have kids!! You will be telling them about how important an education is and he will tell them it's not. Things like this will come up all the time, and it will irritate the mess out of you. When you marry someone, you have to listen to "birds of a feather flock together" . Don't marry someone that's not like you.
2007-12-22 16:03:32 · answer #4 · answered by Cha togar m'fhearg gun diola 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put youself into their shoes objectively. The only thing I say is the probability for them to be right is higher but there is no absolute. They think their child deserve better. They have seen more example than you.
You are still very young. What you should do is think more and give more time before you really want to get into marriage with the guy.
2007-12-22 20:59:22 · answer #5 · answered by TT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might feel that way about him, but does he feel the same way about you? Does he see you as someone he could settle down with and build a family with? Your parents probably has a lot of wisdom and a lot of experience to share with you. Talk to them and ask them what is it they see that you don't see..get to the nitty gritty, with your parents on why they don't like them. B/c they probably don't know him well enough to judge him...Then again what your parents might tell you, you might not like...
2007-12-22 16:13:27 · answer #6 · answered by unknown 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Always listen to your parents. They really do know best. I've been in relationships with jerks. My whole family could see it but me. I'm now happily married to a wonderful guy and my family adores him. If he doesn't get along with your family or this is also key and I know this from experience. If he doesn't get along with his mother (under most circumstances) dump him. I'm telling you that your parents are looking out for your best interest.
2007-12-22 16:02:26 · answer #7 · answered by Katie 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Have you told your parents about this Man before you bring him home??Mistake No. 1. Never bring any man home without telling your parents....if you have one.Mistake No.2. Discuss with them onthe man you wish to bring home, his job,age,religion,backgroung etc.....this way your parents wont be SHOCKED when you pop up with a stranger..anytime???
Good Luck!Tell them ,all I wantfor Xmas is this MAN!!!!!!
2007-12-22 15:56:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did marry someone my parents didn't like, but I was too young and s.t.u.p.i.d. to know any better. I don't regret it; first, because thanks to my first marriage I have my baby boy whom I adore. And, second, because the bad experience made me the woman I am today: wiser, smarter, stronger, and I now know exactly what I want -and don't want- in a man.
2007-12-22 16:02:37 · answer #9 · answered by MiaMonique 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
think about it you are going to finish school and he doesnt have or want a degree? get out now
2007-12-22 16:51:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋