Why do people feel the need....?

Question

To belittle anyone who doesn't, or are unable to breastfeed?

I'm tired of coming on here and seeing people getting reemed out because for some reason or another, they had to turn to formula. Or that if you try to reassure someone that formula won't hurt their baby, people jump down their throats.

I'm fully aware of the benefits of breastfeeding. I would always recommend it first if asked for my opinion. I work in a NICU - if anything I have a better understanding of the benefits than the average person. I also know that formula is a perfectly safe and nutritious alternative.

People need to understand that while it can be wonderful for mom and baby - it can be a horriblly difficult experience for others. Some women simple are unable to manage it, and they should not be made to feel like failures or a bad mom because of it.

Just my two cents, people. Lighten up.

For the naysayers - I'm not asking advice, I honestly just want people's opinions and experiences.

And, I just have to add - as someone with 10+ years neonatal experience and a mother, I'm very educated about it, and know what I'm talking about. I also know that I had a terrible experience with breastfeeding., and yes- I sought out just about every service and available help out there to no avail.

In a nutshell- I'm saying I wish people would not jump all over people for their decisions, when they don't have all the facts. Usually there are very good reasons for peoples choices.

Answer 1

To Jillian H- maybe if you learned how to spell, I would respect your opinion more. But, then again, probably not.

Answer 2

Wow, with all the drama about Lauren I just realized there hasn't been a question like this in a while.
In my (humble) opinion, most women really don't care how you (general you) feed your child. The ones that do belittle though are usually very vocal about it, which can make it seem like EVERYBODY is against formula.
I agree with you. I do believe that breast milk is the best choice for babies. I think those women that do breastfeed should feel proud of their accomplishment. Notice I said proud, not holier-than-thou.
That being said, I do believe that formula is an acceptable and safe alternative to breastfeeding. I really don't understand these certain women who think they have the right to stand in judgment of anyone else's parenting choices. It makes me laugh. They are so quick to judge without knowing a situation. To them, it's cut and dry - Breastfeeding=good. Formula=bad.
Here on YA! it's a debate that's been bought up many many times. I don't think it will ever go away.

Answer 3

I completely agree with you about the fact there is no need to attack someone's choice because there are plenty of healthy adults around whose parents did not breastfeed. However, I must share that my baby was in NICU and I found that the nurses did not support my efforts to breastfeed, and in fact he ended up with "nipple confusion" that required a lactation consultant to intervene because he could not suck - and this stemmed from each nurse on each shift have a different preference for which type of nipple my baby got fed from....even though he was supposed to be breastfed. Maybe some people have strong reactions on Answers because they had such a challenge to be heard in the hospital.
And sadly, my son had 10 food allergies, and the allergist is certain that 7 of those came from his early exposure to formula....something I would not have ever suspected.
Please, I don't share this with you as an attack but to explain how it could be that some people carry "baggage.... "
Since my son is now 15, I don't really end up in the section often and I don't advice anyone to breastfeed or not breastfeed...I just say be sure to hug their babies while they are still young enough to let you! :) 'cuz by 15, hugging doesn't happen so often!

Answer 4

i agree.
i chose to brestfeed my osn. he is currently 8 weeks. in the hospital i was almost at the point where i didnt want to do it because it was so very painful.
but now its fine
i also on occasion give formula. usually once a week when my husband is home at night and can do a feeding while i get some much needed extra sleep.
and actually tonight for my son's next feeding he will get formula because i took some theraflu for a terrible cold i have.
there is nothing wrong with giving a aby a bottle or formula for that matter.

im one of three children, and was only breastfed for 3months then my mom dried up due to a hormone imbalance.
she ouldnt breastfeed my sister because my sister was allergic to milk as a baby, and with my brother she had no interest to.
by the way im 26, my sister is 24 and my brother is 15, we all turned ou just fine having formula

its a personal decision

Answer 5

I don't know but it irks me. The other day I was at a family gathering and a complete stranger saw me feeding my baby with a bottle and she literally went off about how I was a bad mom and it is my fault if my baby gets sick and apparently I am uneducated and a bad mom and my baby should be taken away!! She was serious, I walked away because I was in total tears, I didn't even begin to explain to her why I couldn't. I felt it was none of her business and she had already passed on judgement so what was the point. When I came back into the room, I guess someone had told her I couldn't because I have a medical condition and I was already feeling extremely guilty. She didn't even apologize but I am sure she felt stupid which she should have. I don't think people should have to walk around saying they have AIDS or they are taking medicine which is harmful to the baby or if they had a breast reduction and she failed to produce milk on their shirt. It's annoying I think we all are good moms no matter what we choose as far as breastfeeding or formula. Of course I know breast is best but there is no need to make someone feel like they are 2 inches high when they don't know the whole background.

It will be interesting when some of these holier than thou women who think we are absolutely horrible mothers have a child and something happens to where they can't breastfeed, they will actually come down to earth. They will feel the humiliation they have shown to us.

Answer 6

I agree with you 100%. I was lucky enough to not have a problem breastfeeding either of my kids but I didn't think I was better than those moms who couldn't breastfeed or chose not to. My sister couldn't breastfeed and had so many problems but kept trying and felt like a failure as a mother for not breastfeeding because of all the women she knew telling her she had to breastfeed! I feel as long as the baby is getting proper nutrition then that is the main thing and people should just mind their own business.

Answer 7

I hear you on that! I actually do breastfeed, but I never felt pressure about it. Once my baby was born ( 3 weeks ago ) and I jumped to newborn & baby, it was like, wow! There are some serious breastfeeding nazi's here!!!!! I didn't realize some people have such strong views on the topic. It's a personal subject and I always thought it was just something we did and not talk about!

Answer 8

I agree completely. I didn't breastfeed my children knowing the difference between the both formula/breast milk. Doctors/friends/family members would act as if you where a serial killer because you didn't breastfeed and I find that silly because it can be extemely hard for some mothers. Especially those who have to work, run errands, etc. Not to mention painful.

Answer 9

Good point, I agree with you 100%. If people would mind their own business the world would be a better place. I also don't think a women should let others make her feel bad because of something someone else thought she should do. It's a personal choice so all new moms go ahead and make it and feel good about it no matter what.

Answer 10

I completely agree with you. I tried breastfeeding my first and it was a nightmare. With my second, I told the nurses to give him formula and they refused to feed him so I HAD to breastfeed, which was a nightmare until I went home and put him on formula. Meanwhile, I got an infection in my boob and it totally hurt. It took longer to clear that up than I actually breastfed. Some people are just, argh!

Answer 11

Belittling and being mean is not a good idea no matter what the topic.

That being said, there is a misconception that it is "common" for a woman to not make enough or to have milk that's not good enough. Worldwide...yes WORLDWIDE...only 5% of women (who have not had breast surgery) have a legitimate supply issue. That's a VERY small percentage of women. Many women believe they can't based on really crappy information their physician or another medical professional has given them.

I do not fault a woman who has been given crap information and then ends up formula feeding. I fault the medical professional who gave her the info. There are perfectly available resources for this med prof to reference where they could get the most recent and accurate information on breastfeeding.

Yes, it can be a very difficult process...but there are tons of resources and tons of places to go for help. And almost any problem encountered can be overcome and lead to a very successful nursing relationship.

Formula has it's place, absolutely. But very few women legitimately "have" to turn to formula...as in life-or-death issue. Most are misinformed or don't get the help they need to succeed at breastfeeding (which includes employers who are more willing to meet the needs of breastfeeding employees).