What can I say to my brother?

Question

His wife just kicked him out of their house, and he is heartbroken. He is really in love with her, and they have been together for 6 years (married 18 mo). Nothing major happened, basically she is saying that she doesn't love him anymore. Well, I think the exact words were "I can't stand to be with you anymore." What a B! It's three days before Christmas!! So anyways, please give advice of what I should say to him and how I can support him through this rough time. :(

Thanks!

I'd love to have him stay at my house, but he is in Michigan, and I am in California! He will go to our folks' so that he will not be alone for the holidays. I am going to invite him out for a visit, hopefully he can come out here soon.

And no, there are no kids involved.

Answer 1

Velma... The only advice I can give comes from having to help my brother as his first marriage disolved. No, he didn't get kicked out 3 days before Christmas...now that's something else!

So...my first bit of advice would be this....Listen....and listen some more...but do everything you can from telling him how you feel. Telling him how evil his wife is, won't help him. Telling him what you think he should and should not do is never going to be the same as just being the shoulder he needs.

I told my brother something very important to me.... I told him he knew of the many different things which had painfully occurred in my life. I told him how nothing stopped getting worse, and eventually I just didn't have anything left to hold on to. But my life had changed since then, because I learned what a treasure it is to have a personal relationship with the Maker of the Heavens and Earth. Knowing that I am comforted by my Heavenly Father, wrapped in His love, and never abandoned by Him, has given me more strength than I ever knew.

This is what I wanted so much for him to understand...the source of my strength was not just for me....but could be his as well.

† Travelling Prayer Warrior †

Answer 2

Oh, I am so sorry. It stinks. I agree with you. Not a very nice thing to do at Christmas. Though I guess she has her reasons. I believe it is very important that whatever you do you do not take sides. I know this is a hard one when you love and care for your brother. If you called her a B to your brother you need to apologise, saying you are just hurt because she has hurt him. All you can do is let your brother know you are there for him always. Listen objectively and tell him how much you care for and love him. Active listen him (reflective listening)....this means you clearly reflect back to him his feelings (but in different words of course to what he uses). Try to work out the real feeling behind the words. This shows him you understand his hurt feelings. This is ultimately what most of us need when we are hurting. Cry with him if need be and hug him lots. Tell him, you know it must be so hard for him, so heartbreaking, but you can't truly understand because you're not him, but you are trying. Of course it goes without saying, invite him to be with you for Christmas day. Advise him to communicate with his wife after Christmas not now. He doesn't need any more drama before Chrissy you can't risk that and its too close now - best to leave anything now til after and tell him to tell his wife that calmly but firmly if she pushes for communication - mainly because emotions will obviously be running high right now. Hope this is clear and also helpful. You do know your brother best though and am sure with the way you care for him you will naturally do and say the right thing. Merry Christmas to you, him and family.

Answer 3

There are two sides to the story. It's usually not one person's fault.

Just let him know that you love him and will help him as needed. Don't offer too much advice. Don't badmouth his wife. If you do, and they get back together it will drive a wedge between you and your brother. I've seen this happen first hand in two different situations. It's a huge mistake to badmouth her. Just be supportive and positive of him. Let them work things out or not.

Answer 4

Velma, I walked through something similar with my brother, years ago! The only difference...it was just a few weeks after the death of our father!! So, yes, I understand this kind of cruelty! My brother did not expect it nor, did he see it coming and he too was just heartbroken!

I simply let my brother know how much I loved him. I tried to talk and spend time with him as much as I could. I felt his pain and let him do tons of talking and I simply listened! Sometimes, this is the best thing....just listen and let him talk through his pain! Be his best friend as well as a great sister!!

I also, decided to turn my brother's pain over to God. When I saw how broken he was, I wept and I knew that noone could ever put the pieces of his heart back together....except for God! If you pray, I would advise you to do so. God can do far greater things than you and I. I too, will be praying for your precious brother and his brokeness! May God be with you both!

gail

Answer 5

Sounds like she has found someone else and so sad as it is ,your brother will have to move on without her. "I am sorry" is about the only safe thing to say. It is always possible that they could get back together after some time apart, so you don't want to be the one saying bad things that could be held against you later. If it really is over, he will need to vent ,himself and being the non judgemental listener is the best pain reliever that you will be able to offer. .

Answer 6

IF your brother has not done anything wrong then she has. There is no way that anyone would just say out of the blue that they can't stand to be with you anymore. That in itself is really messed up. First he needs to find out why she feels this way. I guarantee that she is cheating on him.Hopefully they do not have kids. If they do then my heart goes out to them because they Will be real confused. Just tell him to hang on and everything is meant to be. there is always a reason for everything and for some reason he was not meant to be with her. It will work out.

Answer 7

Be a sis like you are... tell him you love and support him.
offer him any help. make sure he is not alone on the holiday if possible. tell him straight up you think it sucks. If he wants to talk be the best listener. just be there for him.

Answer 8

Just be there for him, shoulder to cry on ear to listen. couch to sleep on, whatever it may be. Stay away from the name calling tho, he may just end up back in her arms next weekend.
all you can do is be there for him when he is ready to spill his feelings. and just listen.
its not about you. or how you can fix things. let him deal with the outcome. whatever it may be. he got himself there. remember that.
good luck & happy holidays.

Oh another quick bit of advice......don't the drinking & driving thing happen. he wants to make up with her, wait til morning or use the phone.

Answer 9

I feel so bad for him. The only thing you can do is let him know that you support him and will be there for him anytime he needs to talk. Good luck

Answer 10

tell him something like if she would do this to you then she really didn't love you for you, it will be ok and you are better off without her. let him stay with you (if he isn't already) and gradully hel phim find a new, wonderful, nice women and apartment.