Am I wrong for being pissed off? What should I do?

Question

To make a long story short: I'm recently married to my wonderful husband. We love eachother deeply. Our relationship is great. He lives with me and whats left of my family, invited by my mom herself. She loves him too, as well as my sisters. The only ppl who have a problem with us being married are my brothers and my dad. Now, my dad left us cold 5 years ago when he and my mom had an ugly split. No phone calls. No money. No "how are you's". Nothing. My mom had to work 3 jobs to support us and now we're back on our feet SOLELY thanks to her. Us kids are all grown now (the youngest is my 18yr old sister). We have our own apartment again(we had to live with my grandma for 3 years) and my dad has been coming around trying to measle his way back into our lives. My mom doesn't want him back but doesn't have the heart to tell him he can't visit. Here's the deal: he interferes with everything. I already had a hard enough time with my jack *** brother giving me hell and my husband hell...

Another thing: since my dad's been coming around, my brother uses him in his favor. God knows what he tells him when my husband and I are away working. Just a few mins ago my brother calls me at WORK to tell me that its not right that my husband and I have our brand new pc password protected, even though we have a guest account on it now. He gave us such hell when we first bought it (not even a month ago) that we created a guest account (I didn't want to so we heavily firewalled it) to keep the peace. But no, that's not good enough for him. Then he puts my dad on the phone so he can tell me, "that not how this family was raised..." bullsh*t! WE, my husband and I paid for that computer and we have every right to protect it! Considering the fact that I had to slave away reformatting the family computer which I paid HALF for btw, because they nearly destroyed the hard drive with a virus from doing things they shouldn't be! *sigh* I want to confront them all. I have the right don't I?

Answer 1

I'm so sorry that your dad and brothers are giving you such a hard time. What you need to do is put your foot down with them. You need to let them know that this is your life and your going to live it the way you want. If they want to be a part of you and your husbands lives then they need to respect you. If they can't do that then take a step back and give yourself some room. You don't have to put up with any mistreatment just cuz they are your blood. Family should be happy for you and where you are now. Especially if your happy in your life. But this could be the problem. They might feel threatened by your new life and your husband. That's still not a reason to mistreat you. Put your foot down and let them know where you stand. If not then show them where the door is. And as far as your mom tell her to not be afraid to kick him to the curb. She obviously didn't need him then, what does she need him now. She is a good, strong woman, and so are you. Good luck and God Bless

Answer 2

If you're not involved with her, then you technically have no claim or say in what she does, so getting angry is kind of wrong. You have no right in her life then. On the other hand, if she asked for your opinion or you're dating, you have a total right to be pissed because that's setting the stage to become involved with the guy again. It hasn't been too long since their on-and-off again, so there's always a good chance they'll get involved in some manner again. If you're involved, you should tell her how you feel about it. She obviously hasn't really considered your feelings and she may not be a keeper as a girlfriend if she ran to her ex instead of you. If you're not involved...you'll just have to sit on your hands and hold in your anger because there's nothing you can really do about it.

Answer 3

No, you aren't wrong to have feelings of hostility, but after you react, try to let the anger go or it will poison your spirit.

No family is perfect. Everyone makes serious mistakes in their life. You could, if you are able and calm enough, ask to speak with your father in private and share with him, quietly how his actions make you feel and the damage it has done.

You must also give him time to talk, especially if he listens to you. While he had a fight with your mom a while back, he too needs to be heard as the fact that he wants to be your life says he may have regrets. Maybe he's alittle clumsy going about it, but his heart now might be in the right place.

You could make it clear to him in no uncertain terms that his influence, while he may think he means well, is at this time, unwelcome and inappropriate as he chose to leave your life at a crucial time. You are an adult and can make your own decisions with or without his blessing.

However, if he is expected to be back in your life, he must let you breathe and earn your trust again.

Your brother also needs the same conversation. If they really love you, they'll back off and give you time to come up for air.

Answer 4

You are absolutely NOT wrong for being pissed. First of all, your Dad dropped his kids & his wife a long time ago. Who is he to come back into your life & downgrade your husband. Right now, you should be focusing on you & your husband, you two are starting your lives together & if your dad & brother can't handle it, then it's their problem. I know it's cliche, but just tell your brother & dad if they don't have anything nice to say to your husband, then not to say anything to him at all. Also, don't be afraid to let them know that you don't appreciate them downgrading your husband to you. Tell them this is the decision that you made & they don't have to like it, but it's not up to them. Ultimately it's your life & you are an adult. As far as your mother, tell her that if she doesn't want your dad in her life, then she should just tell him so, she might just think that it's a good idea for him to be in the kids lives, but it's obvious that you all made it without him & you will probably continue to do ok with him gone again. Plus, who's to say he won't just up & leave again, leaving everyone even more heartbroken. It's just not fair to you & your family.

Answer 5

First of all you are married, not to sound harsh. What ever happened in the past with your parents need to be resolved between you, and your parents. Your dad is using your husband as an excuse to take the negative attention off of him.

Secondly, you are grown! That means that you get to choose whom ever you want as long as that person love and respects you.

Third you deserve to have love after the hardship you faced, therefore, your husband is not married to your family and does not have to put up with the behavior.

Last, they do not have to like him, but they do have to respect him as your partner. The only way this can happen is if you put it into play.

Move into a small apartment if you have to (studio) this will reduce your problem.

Answer 6

First, it maybe time for you and the hubby to find your own place. Tell your brother to back off and if he wants to use a computer, either buy his own or go to the library. As for your father, he's not a dad cause he didnt stick around, he needs to get his own life. Thats what he expected for ya'll to do when he walked out without a backward glance. I applaud your mom on raising you and your siblings on her own, however, she needs to tell your father to hit the road.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you. My dad is a jerk too. He walked out on my mom and me when I was less than 2yrs old.

Stand up to those who give you a hard time. They are jealous and need to grow up!

God bless you!

Answer 7

In my experience, people who feel the need to prove to you that they really care about your happiness tend to want to pick the "right" person (or job, or house, etc.) for you.., I would be pissed too. I've been through this with family/friends who thought they knew what was "best" for me, but in the end, no one, (even you) :) can tell your heart to love or not to love. It does the choosing for you. I would tell your dad and brothers that if they want to show you that they really care about you, they would trust you to make your own choices and stay out of your marriage. Props to your mom, too. Sounds like a strong woman, and I'll bet she finds a way to deal with your dad again. Good luck :)

Answer 8

You are married and you and your husband are building a life together. It is up to the two of you who you allow to become a part of your lives. If your father or brother is giving you a hard time then ignore them if you can and if not be very frank and truthful with them. Say you have no right to interfer in my life in anyway and I would appreciate your keeping your opinions to yourself. You haven't earned the right to my respect.

Answer 9

You need to explain to your brother and your father that they are not welcome. That they have no respect for you or the ones you love so it is time for them to get a life and for them to butt out of your life and your marriage. I think you have been treated like crap for far too long and really is your man a wimp or a man he should be standing up to them. If he loves you why would a real man allow these family members to treat you like garbage.

Maybe it is time for your mom to tell your deadbeat of a father to get lost, call the cops and get a restraining order?.

Why live in misery your family deserves better tell your dad to leave you alone forever that he is not needed or welcome.

Answer 10

Can you tell them both to mind their own business. Its your mothers house and she needs to stand up especially to that father of yours. You know my kids sperm donor as he is called now because thats all he did,he treid to come back after 13 years and try to be daddy all of a sudden well the kids ran him off and he keeps making those payments though and they go on with their lives just like before without him