Been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I always thought we loved each other until now. I feel that there is a lot of selfishness in the relationship. We're both in college, and this past semester wasn't good. We fought everyday about the smallest things. We stopped enjoying each others' time and a lot of immaturity happened. When I try and discuss things with him he blames everything on me. He's a great person, but I want so badly for him to love me, and he says he feels smothered and that I'm trying too hard. He tells me he wants to marry me too, but sometimes I don't know if we're strong enough for marriage. I want someone who will encourage me and be sensitive to my needs; not tell me how my insecurities are stupid. I just don't know if that exists. He's a great boyfriend; he'd never cheat on me, and we do love each other. When i try and talk things out he'll hang up the phone on me and says it's a waste of time. Yet I do love him and he loves me. What do I do?
2007-12-22 11:28:14 · 13 answers · asked by Consultant 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I also want someone who will defend me and support me.. not to the point of annoyance, but I just want my boyfriend to be my best friend. We are open with each other, but there still seems to be some trust issues, and we have very different interests.
2007-12-22 11:29:43 · update #1
I'm also not the greatest fan of his best friend. I would never ask him to give that up though.
2007-12-22 11:32:49 · update #2
You are not in love if you think there might be something better.
2007-12-22 11:33:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey never settle. You are missing one of the most important things in a relationship, communication. You cannot tell him your fears and insecurities because he does not want to hear them. You are right, this is not strong enough for marriage. Your insecurities are not stupid and he should be the last person to tell you that. I would not stay with him. He does not respect you. He hangs up on you and talking to you is a waste of time to him. You deserve better and he is out there. You just have to look a little further. A great boyfriend wants to be around and talk to you even when there are problems that need fixed. He also wants to listen to what your insecurities are and he encourages you all the way. He also will not tell you that what you feel is stupid. It will be hard to walk away but that is what I suggest you do. Good luck to you.
2007-12-22 21:44:03 · answer #2 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both have some maturing to do, before you start talking about marriage.
You're still in college, and you are meeting new people every day. Meeting new people makes you see yourself and your friends in a new light, and sometimes, what you see isn't necessarily flattering.
"You want so badly for him to love you." Honey, do you even know what that means? Either he loves you or he doesn't. He says he does. Do have reason not to believe him, after two years? Is he not demonstrative? Is not expressing affection a deal-breaker for you? Only you know that -- we can't judge that for you.
Since both of you are in college, it's easy to get sucked into a tough semester if the courses were particularly challenging or if you're starting to worry about grades when it comes to graduate school, etc. Stop trying to dissect the relationship and examining it from every angle, and remember -- after dissection lab, there's usually not much left of the subject. Same with relationships. Guys just don't do that, ok? It drives them crazy when women do. Go back to being the gal he fell in love with -- the one that didn't hash over every other word and action looking for hidden meaning. Either you enjoy his company or not. If not -- that's your answer. If you do, then stop screwing it up.
2007-12-22 19:38:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh sweetie I was in your shoes, and I ended up marrying him actually. Life is good overall except stupid little fights, hanging up the phone if I ask for answers etc..
Sounds like your bf is a little immature, and from that comes his insecurities. Whatever he feels isn't working for him in his life, he blames it on you, he sees you as a wall to punch. He probably loves you but sometimes men feel isolated by the thought of being too commited to a relationship and they basically flip. It's not easy to hold it together but if he's a good bf and he treats you right meaning no cheating or cursing or abuse, then it's good to hold on to it. Have a talk with him and straighten things out. There are worst cases than yours, there are men/bfs and husbands that never come home, cheat continously, abuse their wives etc etc.. If it's just stupid little fights then don't take it so seriously, just apologize for whatever you do wrong when you do wrong, and don't demand too much answers from him! Most men hate that because they're not as strong as women to be able to give good enough answers for us, women are too PICKY!
Goodluck
2007-12-22 19:36:44 · answer #4 · answered by NY0120 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kay, i'm no expert but i'm going through something similar (i'm in college with 2 jobs, he's working FT) - you two are very comfortable with each other, but if your heart flows a different direction, you'll need to know who to choose in the end. don't be afraid to make changes if/when the time comes.
as for your boyfriend, i'm sure you both have certain things you would ask of each other to work on. if he can agree to work on an aspect at a time (with yourself agreeing to do the same), then it may allow for better understanding and tolerance of each other
you guys might be good together on a for now basis - you'll know when enough is enough
good luck staying sane :)
2007-12-22 19:36:10 · answer #5 · answered by kitty12862 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are on here asking this question it isn't true love not even close. When you meet a soul mate there are no doubts and you would never be on here asking. Just because he is a great man that does not make him your true love. You can't control love and fall in love with someone no matter how hard you try and no matter how much you lie to yourself.
2007-12-22 22:42:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a GREAT person, YET he "blames everything on me, says he is smothered,says your insecurities are stupid".What more could you ask for than that for life?
Use your head and quit fantasizing hon.He probably isnt going to change just because you love him and want him to change.
The fact is you are NOW seeing one another as you REALLY are and not how you WANT to see one another.Time to move on.What he is now will probably be what he will be for life unless he sees the ened to change and DESIRES to do so.
2007-12-22 19:39:31 · answer #7 · answered by Joe F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are having these doubt's now, then you better not marry him, because if you are miserable now then believe me it will only get worse. Sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel, because he may feel the same and it my be a relief to him if you all go your separate ways, now before you both invest to much time in this.
2007-12-22 19:39:41 · answer #8 · answered by zoey1176 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
. Typically men that want to work these things out will not hang the phone up on you. There is something else going on. I would say at this time to give him the space that he needs and if at a later time things work out then they do. If not then it is time to move on.
2007-12-22 19:36:18 · answer #9 · answered by ttdjmc27 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am glad you are recognizing the drift and the immaturity. Relationships do change, but if the core remains, it is good. That core seems to be shaky at best. Trust your instincts.
2007-12-22 19:41:45 · answer #10 · answered by Bob T 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its so sad` when someone love somebody and dont love there self think long and hard would a marriage hold up when you cant really talk about issues i think not
2007-12-22 19:37:32 · answer #11 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋