my friend has told me that he wants to commit suicide. he has been depressed all year, and its quite heavily my fault. not only mine, for instance alot of people he knew (eg. uncle, other relations, friend) died in quick succession. last year his parents got a divorce. Just a bad year for him. He's in love with me, but its not mutual and I only like him as a friend. he has tried to commit suicide once before, the night he found out that I'd had sex with my girlfriend. He's gone to China for three weeks during the christmas holidays (he's 16) with his mum and his brother. he told me that if i try and contact his mum then he would commit suicide instantly, he's adamant that he doesn't want ehr to know. he's said he won't do ti before christmas but he might never come back to London. I don't know what to do. I've told our mutual best friend, but I'm at a loss. he feels he's a burden to everyone, and he knows how much ppl luv him, and thats the only thing keeping him alive. what can i do??
2007-12-22 08:20:06 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I am so sorry about this situation. You must feel on edge waiting to see, and not being able to do anything about it.
Please realize that none of this is anybody's fault. Life happens, we either can deal with or not. Putting blame on yourself will not make one iotar of difference to him. He is in a mode where he is either trying to get everyone's attention or he is very emotionally disturbed because of what has happened during the last few years.
I would suggest to you however, that you do what your gut tells you to do. I personally, would contact his mother, whether he wants you to or not. You must do everything you can, so that IF he does commit suicide you will not have any regrets regarding telling anyone.
Sadly, he is making his own choices, and there is nothing anybody can do for him at this point. You must let your thoughts about YOU being at fault, go. You are being honest about everything and you should continue doing so by being honest with his mother and anybody else that should know.
You cannot keep him alive. He is the only one who can do that. He is doing a lot of threatening to "do it" which makes me wonder if he saying it to get attention. However, I do not know that and neither does anybody else.
Please seriously think about telling his mother. If I was his mother I would want to know and would be very upset with whoever was keeping information like this from me.
Peace and love
2007-12-22 09:03:25 · answer #1 · answered by Maureen S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I all honesty tell his mother since he's probably not worked out the logistics of this, ie: committing suicide instantly is pretty hard and not all that likely especially if he's not at home. Also if people are trying to plan that so far in advance it sounds more like he's trying to stop it happening and this is his way of talking about it.
Sounds like he does need some serious help, but it's very possible if she found out and he found out about that then it might just kickstart the recovery process - with some professional help. It also means she knows and can get him help.
Is a bit of a hard one, but if you tell her at least then you've done your best for him. Sometimes we're just a bit limited in what we can do.
As for being your fault - can't really see anything you could do differently there. Love is a very strange thing but has to be two sided to work. Something he got to work out.
2007-12-22 08:30:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first and most important this is not your fault. he must deal with his demons what ever they may be. since he is only 16 you are probably very young too. don't take all this on yourself. tell someone at school or church who may be able to help him. he won't be more prone to suicide if you tell his mom. i am sure she would like to know especially since he has made an attempt. was he on medication after the last attempt? if so maybe he needs more or different meds which he can't get if his parents don't know there is a problem. don't let him control you in this. this is not your problem no matter how good of a friend he is.
2007-12-22 08:40:09 · answer #3 · answered by alida 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1 as a person with Bi-Polar disorder I can tell you IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
#2 These are the actions of a user and someone that will probably become an abuser.
#3 If you are really worried and not just afraid then GET HIM HELP, NOW!!!
Tell someone who has the ability to get him to a doctor.
#4 If he does really commit suicide it will not be your fault as he is the one with the real control of the situation!
2007-12-22 08:29:30 · answer #4 · answered by James E Lewis AKA choteau 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i not a sure but it will be more likely if he quits talkin about it and watch for signs like reclusion and gets appethtic to things like saying it" doesn't matter anyways" when something does matter . and just keep on letting him know that he will hurt others if he does something others that love him. i don't know what has hurt him so bad but if it is about love of a girl he has to try to ride it out time heals all wounds.
2007-12-22 08:28:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont let him do it. Keep in contact with him, call him eVERYDAY make sure hes okay. when i was 14, my best friend killed himself. i didnt even know he was sad. i still dont know why he killed himself. the week before he killed himself, he ignored me. no matter how many times a day i called, he never picked up. i thought it was weird, because we talked everyday. but i never suspected he was planning to kill himself. then i finally found out why. the day his mom found him in the car, with a hose hooked up from his exhaust tank to the window. sitting in the front seat. if i had known how he felt before it happened, like you do, maybe i couldve stopped him. maybe if i just payed more attention to him. just pleasde dont let him do it. please. its a terrible thing for anyone to do or have to go through. call him everyday, tell him how important he is to you. dont let anything happen or he will do it. even if he makes you nterribly mad, dont show it. be nice to him. make everyday you have with him special. just in case he does it anyways. you will at least know you tried.
2007-12-22 08:30:41 · answer #6 · answered by bailey B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't take this on. He is very manipulative and if he kills himself, no one else can take the responsibility of his behavior. You need to get on with your life and drop this "friend". He is not healthy.
2007-12-22 09:51:52 · answer #7 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww poor guy, I think you need to go way above his head and talk to a doctor for him. Either that or talk to the school nurse or any other kind of medical person at your school.
2007-12-22 08:23:40 · answer #8 · answered by sparrowszealot 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
thats a tuff one, try to talk to him, tell him you care and you want to help him. i think in patient at a phyc hospital may help
2007-12-22 08:24:01 · answer #9 · answered by zachleez 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to distance yourself from him. He's using his mental illness to manipulate you.
You don't need it.
Tell him to get therapy or you can't be his friend anymore.
Good luck
2007-12-22 08:24:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋