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Play

Thy careless deception of lie rears
Flew endless rivers from my pointless tears
Thy promised majestic scenes so glorious
Still so fearful they appear in thine silence

In thy kingdom of blind kings are one eyed
Oh you king of kings towards within
Thy dying children weep for thine mercy
And yet you no hearer or deaf you seem

In Thy web my youth was lived and grew
Still wide sights of sadness only far away
Thy theater of tragedy fair played for long
With every sunrise brings new sadness with no choice

Thy creature seeks solely for its end of role
Now that your world ruined its heart of soil
And thy play ends these words so cold and torn
What left is to thank you for all you may heard so

2007-12-22 07:37:26 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities Poetry

2 answers

sounds good but why use old English 'Thy' and not 'Your' since you also prefer 'you' as in "And yet you no hearer or deaf you seem." Perhaps you'd want to be consistent in old or modern English., otherwise these two lines can confuse a reader:

Thy dying children weep for thine mercy
And yet you no hearer or deaf you seem

I'd suggest you use today's English. Some images seem inappropriate eg "Now that your world ruined its heart of soil."
This one is tautological, "careless deception of lie" flew!

However there are also some amazing word play as in:
'endless rivers from my pointless tears'
'theater of tragedy fair played for long'
'your world ruined its heart of soil'

In spite of lack of consistency in style, the poem seems to be quite philosophical. Probably that is why the title is 'play'! If so, then my criticisms above do not hold.
.

2007-12-25 22:04:21 · answer #1 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0 0

I really, really love it!

2007-12-22 07:45:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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