Am I wrong for disliking my in laws? Am I being shallow?? Please read my situation...?

Question

Long story short, I come from a very conservative family and my husbands family is of a totally different culture. My family is quiet and reserved ad educated. His family is loud, obnoixus, and quite messy. Normally when they visit our home its no more than 2-3 days, and its just his mom and dad, and maybe one brother. This year, its his Mom, dad, 2 brothers and his girlfriend. SO that makes 8 individuals - Myself, my 9 month old, my husband who just had surgery and is handicapped, his 2 parents (who are LOUD and always make such a mess in my house) 2 brothers (teenagers so they are all about x box and stuff) and his GF. I live in a really small 3 bedroom house with 1 bathroom. 8 people who are loud and messy will not go good. Last xmas it was myself and his family, (6 individuals) and the baby wasnt born yet and it was super hectic in my house. I can accomodate everyone but it wil be so cramped in here. Am I wrong for feeling mad and anxious about them coming. They are

staying an entire week, more than their usual 2-3 days, and just thinking about this makes me want to GO INSANE. We get along ok, but not really even that close. They dont speak very good english so its hard to even conversate with them. Its a very awkward feeling when I am around them. Am I wrong for feeling like this ? Can anyone give me any advice on how to cope this entire week or make it easier? It will be a loud family of 5, a baby and my hanicapped husband ALL CRAMPED IN MY LITTLE ASZ HOUSE PLEASE HELP ME

I feel like every time they even come over its hard to even try to enjoy myself because they are either making a mess and I am cleaning up after them, or they are so loud and I am trying to get peace, or something. to be blunt they are good people but I HATE BEING AROUND THEM THEY DRIVE ME INSANE I SHOUDLNT EVEN CLEAN MY HOUSE BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL JUST GONNA MESS IT UP.

Answer 1

This is about boundaries and you are right not to want to be invaded by the mongol hordes.

You need to have your husband call them and tell them that they cannot stay that long and cannot bring that whole crew.
The fact that he has just had surgery and is currently handicapped is the ideal excuse.
Be nice but firm.
Offer to make a reservation for a couple of rooms in a local motel.
Better yet, try to have this invasion postponed for next year.

Answer 2

OK, this sounds like my family, but mine is the loud messy side and they drive ME crazy too! This is what I would do: Put absolutely everything away in the line of nicknacks, personal papers, lamps etc., that don't need to be out. The less out, the less to be broken or snooped through. Keep EVERYTHING as simple as you possibly can. They're not likely to appreciate fine art or whatever anyway - save it for your more civilized friends/family! If you don't already have one, get a cheap wooden clothes drying rack and assign 1 bath towel per person for the entire visit. Color code or whatever - hide the rest if you need to! If the towels don't get hung up to dry, they get a wet towel the next time they need it. Put extra wastebaskets out and don't hestitate to remind them to put junk into them.

Tell each person up front what their chore will be for the visit. Everyone helps cook, keep their sleeping/clothes area clean, and picks up the living areas, whether they ever have before or not. Mom, Dad and girlfriend can certainly do the dishes. One brother can be in charge of emptying wastebaskets and picking up stray litter. One brother can keep the bathroom in top shape. You get the idea. If you can't get up the nerve to make an announcement to the group about helping out, go up to each one individually and privately and tell them you need extra help because of the baby and your husband's recent surgery. If they "forget" remind them nicely as you see that something needs to get done. If you are really nice about it, but firm in the way of holding them to their assigned task, they'll be more likely to want to help you out . That's how they'll view it - as helping you out - but that's OK. Don't try to convince them otherwise, they'll never get it!

Your house will still be chaos, but at least if you get help with the obvious clutter, you can just let go of the idea of having anything to your normal standards and just survive the visit. Don't even entertain the thought of having a perfect house because it just isn't going to happen. When they are all gone, you can put everything (intact) back out and clean to your standards once again. If you remain calm and just lower your standards for the visit, you will all have pleasant memories of the visit and hopefully nothing will get broken, ruined or stained. If you are stressed out and angry, they will notice and it won't be pleasant for anyone, including your baby. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

Answer 3

My in laws are like that too my family are nice decent, organized and clean and his family is loud ,rude and very messy and dirty and I can't stand that .