When I was quite young I got a cancerous growth inside my vagina. The scarring from three operations and radiotherapy have left me with no feeling inside.
I did not realise this until I married (I married while still virgin) and the only sensation I get from sex is from his balls pushing against my outsides.
We have experimented with oral, and I get a lot of pleasure from being tongued and sucked, but we do very little now by way of 'ordinary sex'. He says that I am his wife, and he wants us to make love together. If I don't get off on "normal" penetration sex, then there is little point in us doing it.when I not at a fertile stage in my cycle. I am not just a "shagging hole".
Is he depriving himself of what men usually get from sex to make me feel better about it?
2007-12-22 06:27:16 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ask him.
2007-12-22 06:31:33 · answer #1 · answered by it stinks in here! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that is interesting but i guess you really cant miss what you never had. But he can miss what he has had of course. But its obvious that he loves you if he is willing to go through all that with you. He does have needs that go beyond whenever you are ovulating so it may be smart to entertain the thought a lil more often as a compromise on your behalf.
When you said, "If I don't get off on "normal" penetration sex, then there is little point in us doing it." That is being selfish to the fact that he still has needs and he has shown you that he can compromise with you already. I don't know him but we all are human and nature sometimes can make us do things we regret, so don't allow him the excuse of placing any blame on you for not giving him vaginal sex. And girl let me tell you how you could take that time and really bond with him while just entertaining the fact that you are literally one at those moments. And if he is loving and romantic you should never ever feel like a "shagging hole."
2007-12-22 06:43:43 · answer #2 · answered by Portia L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you might be surprised to know how many woman never achieve orgasm from "regular sex". Many require either oral or other stimulation and there is nothing wrong with that.
Second, the sexual relationship between husband and wife should provide a deep emotional statisfaction more than a physical one. If your able to achieve orgasm through oral sex, and he is able to do the same with regular sex (that you don't feel) take comfort in the reality that you are both able to find a way to satisfy each others needs.
There's a lot more to a marriage relationship than sex.
2007-12-22 06:42:37 · answer #3 · answered by nevit 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is depriving himself for you from a man's need. You can laugh about it all you want, but a man needs sex, it's apart of your programing we where born with. My question for you is, have you thought about trying anal? It's a way for both of you to win, he can satisfy his need, and you can feel stimulation. Now the first number of times it can be painful if you don't take it slow and use a lot of lube, but after some time it becomes very pleasurable. I'm just saying, give it some thought before you shoot the idea down.
2007-12-22 06:38:57 · answer #4 · answered by JONES 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pleasure should be both ways I am not joking when I say thing. Go to a store and check out the vibrating toys. Some you can use while you are having sex. So Double the pleasure Double the fun.
2007-12-22 07:58:26 · answer #5 · answered by lyttledarlin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is definitely an issue that you should talk to your significant other about. Tell him that you care about how he feels, and you want him to feel good too. Sex isn't all about the physical feeling, a lot of women enjoy sex because it brings two people closer. Maybe you should express your desire to please him and have him open up about how he feels.
If he insists that there's no point to sex without you feeling good, then just do as he wishes. Continue to satisfy him sexually even if you aren't doing it by having intercourse with him. You two sound like an awesome couple, you are interested in meeting his needs and he's concentrating on meeting yours & making you feel special.
2007-12-22 06:34:33 · answer #6 · answered by Helen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, many women can't feel much from vaginal sex. The vagina isn't where all of the nerves are. The nerves are in the clitoris. So, it's not uncommon at all. You're normal. There is still a point in having "ordinary sex" with him. It makes him feel good. Just like he does oral and such to make you feel good.
2007-12-22 06:53:16 · answer #7 · answered by pisceswoman87 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you don't feel anything but he does. He was more then willing to "tongue" you and to change his sex life in order to have intimacy with you so why can't you do something for him? What will it hurt you to let him have sex with you once in awhile? There are things that I do for my husband that don't pleasure me...being in a relationship is not about always taking. Get rid of the score card and stop worrying about giving something to your husband when you aren't getting a thing in return.
2007-12-22 06:40:03 · answer #8 · answered by queenbee 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hon, a good 35% of women CAN'T get off from only vaginal stimulation, but they still like the closeness that comes from being so intimate. You owe him a normal sex life, and you should give in to his desires --as he should give in to yours--on a regular basis.
Refusing to have vaginal sex with him is almost guaranteed to push him into the arms of a woman who WILL.
2007-12-22 06:47:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You sound a bit selfish. It sounds like your husband is willing to do whatever is necessary to give you pleasure, but you are not willing to return the favor. You don't say that vaginal intercourse causes you pain, just that you don't "get off" that way. Since you don't participate in vaginal intercourse, how are you providing pleasure to your husband?
As long as he is willing to please you, either orally or manually, then why not engage in vaginal sex if that is what gives him pleasure?
Marriage is a give and take arrangement. Your husband seems willing to give - you should be as well.
2007-12-22 17:03:30 · answer #10 · answered by rlb1961 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you had to go through that...
I would get a little vibe... and use it during sex to get the pleasure you desire.
Sometimes you will have to just go through the motions... that is not totally abnormal in a married relationship...
Keep yourself happy, but don't neglect what he needs in the process:)
2007-12-22 06:36:44 · answer #11 · answered by sunshine 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋