My bosses and coworkers made my job hard & keep me in the dark. I overcompensate & become a doormat. HELP!?

Question

When I first started my job a few months ago I was treated OK. Then abt 2 weeks into it, I was treated worse and worse, almost to the point where I had to leave. I was green & not with the program when I first started. I was anxious about my performance & of learning the ropes quickly. What made it worse were my supervisor/coworkers above me in rank. I don't know if it was because they were testing me or because they passed negative judgment about me too quickly b/c of the weaknesses I've shown, but I was berated, made fun of, talked down to & not treated in a respectful manner. My boss did nothing. Her boss did nothing. I wasn't given much help nor tasks to do either; it's like they didn't trust me. I initiated tasks that made me keep my job up until now, I guess

I didn't stand up for myself b/c it was a worried abt doing so to my superiors & at work, esp. not knowing how things worked there. I feel like I'm now thought of as dumb doormat who can't tackle problems. Can this be fixed?

Answer 1

From a fellow doormat:

It sounds like your problem simply stems from your hierarchy at work, but it is likely more about you being in the training phase. As you've only worked there a short while, they likely won't give you much to do and will be assessing your progress. Two, lots of people will treat you like crap-- sometimes just because you're new and they don't know you and sometimes because they like to get the new people to quit.

I've been a doormat at my job, but also in my whole life. Being a doormat extends into everything, from the way you might let friends walk all over you, to buying nice gifts for everyone you know (even though you know they won't give you anything in return. I've been told to "toughen up" and "learn to get aggressive" and "don't be shy" all my life. I make excuses for the way I've been, but my excuses are no excuse not to change.

Here's what you can do:
1. Assess how you are a doormat in your job (and, later, in your life)
2. Make notes on things you have done because you were a doormat and later kicked yourself for doing.
3. Create a book of such situations for yourself and include various ways you could have handled it instead (like if you were just quiet and didn't stand up for yourself you can suggest several possible different reactions from a joke to standing up for yourself to cussing the other person out).
4. Assess a current situation and make a plan (including a checklist of tasks) for how you can handle it. Make it a gradual plan, not one that leaps you into over-assertiveness right away. Use the plan. Slowly change your situation through the plan.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I think it's easier to start a new working relationship than to fix an old one that doesn't work well.

I suggest that you stay on your job long enough to get some good work experience. And while you are working there, keep looking for another job in your field. Once you find something that looks good. Then change your jobs and your co-workers.

You'll be starting with new co-workers from a position of strength. Because you will have substantial work experience from your previous job. And you will probably fit in a lot better among your new co-workers.

If you try to stand up for yourself now at your present job. Then you probably will end up having a lot of conflicts and arguments with your co-workers. And you may loose your job as a result, before you are ready to look for a new job.

Answer 3

Well,guess what you are not the only one.I know this may not answer your question but maybe just to know you are not the only one bugged or lets say puzzled by the effect all of this causes somehow helps me.it lets me air my infuriated thoughts.Reading that there you are going through almost the same thing i think i may eventually have to go through.for now the voices and eye lifts are subtle but i know if i dont do something major to shut them off and rub their scum into their faces back its going to get worse.but seriously when its your boss involved what do you do.maybe stand your head straight and keep looking in their eye and i suppose insist on your rights as a member of that say work community,maybe fight for them,maybe start complaining about it,make them know that you know and will not take it because you dont deserve it.leaving would be the last thing i would do.if they want me out let them tell me but as long as i am there why accept this.if i figure out way out is the only option left to me well wouldnt i like to give some of the love and respect i have received back?

Answer 4

hi