My Husband and I got in a physical fight...?

Question

My husband and I were arguing two nights ago. And he tackled me and started hitting me in the face. I have quite a few bruises. But nothing serious. But the big thing is that our other two children were there and I am 7 weeks pregnant. He has apologized and swears that it will NEVER happen again. He seemed very sincere. This is the first time this has ever happened since we have been together.I have forgiven him. But I am just wondering if it will happen again. What do you think the chances are if he seemed REALLY sorry? Please don't be rude I just need some advice.

Answer 1

don't let him have another chance to do that get your kids and run

Answer 2

I really feel for you because I know exactly how you are feeling. I have recently split with my husband for the 3rd and final time. I'm sorry to say but based on personal experience this will happen again, and it will most likely get worse. Ending a relationship is difficult at the best of times, but adding to it the fact you have children, that you are pregnant and there is domestic voilence...well it's going to be even harder but you have to tell him to leave. He has no choice but to leave, and seek counselling in order for anything to change. I never reported my husband hurting me last year and it's the biggest regret I have. This is your opportunity to make sure he never lays another finger on you again.....if you don't tell him to leave, or leave yourself, then you are telling him it's okay....no matter how much you think you've told him it's not, and no matter how much he has said he's sorry. Your job as a mother is to teach your children what is acceptable and what is not.....your children saw him hurt you.....that cannot happen again. I actually visualised my children at my funeral and it was a pivotal moment for me.....as hard as it is to end the relationship you have no choice. I'm scared for you because I hear where you are at....you are already minimalising what he did by saying you have quiet a few bruises but nothing serious......bruises are serious love, and you are pregnant. Please be strong as a woman and a mother and do not allow this man to get away with this. If he was so sorry he would have already been getting himself some counselling, cause he would be worried he could just snap and it happen (or something worse) again. Stop this now before it gets worse. I believe that WHAT YOU TOLERATE, YOU TEACH !!! You will be in my thoughts. Take care!

Answer 3

Will it happen again? Not knowing your husband, I can only tell you the odds and the odds that he will do it again are quite good (good meaning bad as in he will most likely hit you again). The fact that he did this in front of your children and while you are pregnant only makes it worse. If he is truly sorry, that only means he lacks self control. He could be sorry, but if the many lacks self control, he lacks self control. You need to insist he get professional help including family, couples and individual counseling for the both of you. Either that or it's time for the ultimatum. He does it again? He's out of there!

Personally, I'd reconsider having this third child with him or at least right now. Seven weeks is pretty early on, you still have options. What kind of loving mother brings a child into an abusive environment? Remember abuse not only effects you and your husband, but your children too!

Answer 4

There is something called the cycle of violence... it begins with a honeymoon phase where everything is rosey and great.. then slowly a build up of pressure, then an explosion either verbal or physical, then back into the honeymoon phase and around and around.... My bet is if you really looked back over your life together, it has been building to the physical side... perhaps he's gotten angry and said hurtful things, then angry enough to hit something - the wall, the dash, something... then angry enough to throw something.. perhaps he's gotten in your personal space in an arguement... and this time, he finally gave himself permission to hit you. And, more likely than not, because you stayed, this will happen again and the next time even worse.. you see he has tried this out and has learned that if he says "I'm sorry" and is all nicey-nice, you'll stay and he has given himself permission to do it again, regardless of what he says.

He must get counseling to learn to deal with his anger appropriately and you really need to make a safety plan to get out if it happens again, or go ahead and leave now until he recieves anger management.

But, you'll stay and wait until it happens again, I' m betting... in the meantime he'll be so very sweet and promise it won't happen again... you'll make excuses for him and as the bruises fade, so will your memory of what happened... I just hope you keep your eyes open and are ready to leave when it does happen again.

ADD: Oh, and dear, you need to really deal with what your kids saw with them. You need to sit down and talk about what happened. Don't make excuses to them - you don't want them thinking that is ok behavior. Unfortunately, you and your abusive husband are teaching your children what is appropriate behavior for their future relationships.

Look up the cycle of violence.. you might learn a few things.

Answer 5

You WILL become another domestic violence statistic if you stay with him. The fact that he did this in front of your children and you're pregnant, means that he doesn't really care about you or your babies. No matter what the argument was about, he had no right to put his hands on you. The rule is once a man hits you the first time, that's one too many times. He will do it again if you get him mad and then he'll apologize all over again. It's a cycle that must be broken or you'll pay dearly with your life or your children's lives.

Answer 6

Percentages say it's more likely to help again. Once a person looses their control the first time, it seems that they start loosing their control much easier every time it occurs.
Studies shows that it becomes more violent if it's allowed to continued. And it's your choice and only your choice unfortunately

Good thing if your both take action right away by seeking professional help you can stop it in it's tracks now. Don't wait tell next time for ot occur to get help. Every time is takes place it becomes hard to stop.

He's also got to be willing to admit this could become a problem if he don't seek help and not deny there's no problem. If he believes there's no problem and unwilling to seek help the likely hound of it happening again is very high.

Good Luck and God Bless You!

Answer 7

When I was growing up I always wondered why men treat women so badly and why they stay with these men. I have never hurt anybody in anger. I promised myself I would cherish my wife and never harm her in any way.
Then I got married, and now i realize everyone has a breaking point. Now when I get close to that point I lock myself in a room or I take a drive - wherever she cant get to me.
I am not saying it will never happen again but if he tries to walk away just let him. You can talk again when he is less upset.
But if he comes after you physically then you need to get the hell out of this relationship.

Answer 8

I can really go on my own personal experience.

One... your children are most likely confused and scared, you need to get them to a counselor to help them sort this out. If you chose not to do a counselor sort of thing then at least the 2 of you need to talk to them together.

I was head butted by my husband about 10 years ago. I 'forgave' him and things were OK for a long time. Eventually, it came back but in many other ways with it. He was verbally torturous. When he became so scared that I would not forgive him he became spiteful eventually full of rage. when we decided to split our marriage, the abuse came back... I was pushed, thrown against a wall, slapped and a few other things. This was after our marriage ended. I eventually moved (after a year) and now I just can't bring myself to forgive him. I have 3 kids with him and I try everyday to make sure that they don't see this... I trusted him and he never got better... it just showed in a different ways then physical while we were married.

The bottom line is that you may forgive him this time, he will never forgive himself and that is reason to turn now before his hatred for your ability to forgive turns to spite, he just can't live with himself.

Answer 9

Hmm.. in all likelihood, it will probably happen again. If this is first time he has done so, there must be something serious kiiling him inside, most probably career , midlife crisis and worries how he will manage with all resposibilities building over time....(he maybe thinking of himself as failure)... he needs ur support more than you think you do know (partly becasue you are currently focusing on ur interpersonal relationship only and not the broader picture of life as whole)..... grow up, only u can save him from falling apart..!! if u dont, evrthing will go wrong for both of you.. hope u understnd..! well i have gone thru it too and unforunately my wife never realized what she need to do, instead she went for extamarietal affiair and it made things worse.. bothe are loser...!!

Answer 10

I am sorry to say it, but the chances are that he'd do it again. I don't know your husband and if you say he's sincere, then he probably is. He probably really regrets what he did. He probably did it being "obsessed" with the emotions from your argument. He probably swears to himself now he'd never hurt you.
And when the next argument comes, then what? Same emotions will be there again. Same situation. People tend to have the same reactions too.
I hope I am wrong!

Answer 11

OH, honey, men who do something like that NEVER do it "once"-- any woman who has ever been beaten by a man will tell you that.

You need to ask him to leave, and not come back until he has successfully compoleted an anger management class. If you don't insist on that, this is going to becomer a regular occurrence--BELIEVE me. They always swear it won't happen again, they always apologize profusely, and they even cry sometimes.

But sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, it WILL happen again.
Do the right thing for your kids, and force his hand before he REALLY hurts one of them or you. Could you live with yourself if that happens?