I was mentally abused for a period of time by a close friend. I cut him off after he sexually assaulted me.
People do not understand how I feel and my response. I am confused and unsettled.
1.when he insulted me in public, I only smiled and ignored. I am not sure how hurt I feel.
2.I did not leave right after the assault. Instead, after he comforted me, I hugged him really tight for some time and kept on saying that I was scared and questioned him for his intention. why?
3. I was crying throughtout the assault. he did not stop. he argued that crying was not enough of an objection as he induced me to say OK before the sexual activitiy. (i think it is still unlawfully,right?)
4.people do not understand that my self esteem has been chipped and do not hv the mental power to fight back , especially when he is a psychologist. Am i thinking too much?
anyway,thx
2007-12-22 02:53:53 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I don't think you're confused = you're looking for confirmation that everything you just shared was wrong so here it is - yes, everything you listed - was wrong. assuming you're an adult, you need to report the assault to the police - immediately (no ifs ands or buts - just do it). Sounds like the 'psychologist' needs to be reported to the APA.
If you're a female, I would recommend you find a female psychologist to help you work on your confidence and self-esteem. You need to question 'why' less and say 'hell no!' more. If this person hurt you as you say, they're not your friend - period.
Please get yourself some real professional help before you're taken advantage of again - okay?
2007-12-22 03:22:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he’s a psychologist you really need to be talking to the police. Maybe talk to someone like a rape crisis helpline or citizens advice first. And tell parents, close friends etc.
If you went to him as a patient and this happened; it’d be a gross abuse of his professional position.
Depending on when this happened and what form the assault took it might be worth looking for a medical exam at hospital or from the police doctor. Any clothing that might have DNA evidence (semen, blood) etc bag and tag. Don’t wash it. Write down a full account as soon as you can whilst its fresh in your mind.
‘I did not leave right after the assault. Instead, after he comforted me, I hugged him really tight for some time and kept on saying that I was scared and questioned him for his intention. Why?’
We can become attached to people who get close to us, even those who treat us badly. If they have all the power in a relationship we feel helpless. If they do something that hurts us for no apparent reason it’s only natural to want to know ‘why?’
‘I was crying throughout the assault. He did not stop. He argued that crying was not enough of an objection as he induced me to say OK before the sexual activity. (i think it is still unlawfully, right?)’
He’s being manipulative. If you change your mind about sexual activity or a form then the male should respect those wishes. Legally yes, I think it is unlawful, but talk to a solicitor.
If this is recent do think of reporting him. Either to the police or his professional body. Talk to a rape crisis helpline or citizens advice first. And parents, close friends etc. If only because it might help protect others.
And you want him out of your life. Permanently. Some people do have enough power to manipulate us even if we are aware of it and don’t want them to do.
No you are not thinking too much. This is unhealthy, abusive and may be an instance of rape. If you were his patient he is breaking all the ethical codes of his profession.
Please, please, please start telling some other people you know about this. Think of taking it to the police. Get support before you go to them.
Good luck. Be brave.
2007-12-22 03:33:47 · answer #2 · answered by Tim D 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that, people who have been abused do get to the point were we question everything, our self esteem hits rock bottom, and we have only one way to go. You ignore the humiliation and smile because we are afraid of what they will do, they know this, the creepy crawlie nice as pie behaviour afterwards is just their way of keeping you there, until the next time they need a punch bag (emotional or physical). Forcing sex on someone who does'nt want it is rape, even if it's your husband. Asking them why they do it is a waste of time, they do it because we let them. We don't walk away because we believe no one else will want us. As for him being a psychologist, he should be struck off. Only you can work through your emotional turmoil, seek counselling, I did. Life does get better, but it takes time. Good luck for the future
2007-12-22 03:07:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
A Psychologist should be banned from practicing for this kind of thing. Get some counseling- I suggest a female counselor this time. Make sure you tell the counselor everything you told us at the first visit. Good luck!
2007-12-22 04:01:48 · answer #4 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe you hugged him out of fear and allowed him to carry on assaulting you because you were scared of what else he might do, the horrible bastard... you need to go to the police and have this f*cker arrested...do not let another weirdo get away with assaulting yet another woman....don't be scared of him, he's a spineless coward and a bully and he could do this to someone else if you don't do anythig about it...the sooner he's behind bars the better...now if this were down to me i would have someone pay him a little visit, and i can guarentee this, he'd never come near you again, more to the point, he'd never be seen again...something has to be done, get this runt locked up...
2007-12-22 05:14:46 · answer #5 · answered by Dazzlebox 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
green flower first of all I am so sorry this has happened to you and let me say you are NOT to blame.
I also am sorry that this was in the hands of a person who used all his knowledge and professional skills to destroy your self esteem, self confidence and self worth. That is discusting immoral and if you where a patient to start with illegal.
Also thank you for sharing what has been a very difficult thing for you to have to go through on your own.
I will try my best to answer but no expert just someone who has been with someone like this in the past so use experience of life to help.
1: He had the power to take charge and got a huge kick out of insulting you in public because he could.It is a control thing to see how much he could get away with so that he could see how far to push and what buttons to push testing you for the other things he did.
Your reaction was normal when in the hands of someone so manipulative that you had feelings for. Trust me you were hurt you have already confermed this but at the time it would be more confusion as to why and also just how long he had been doing it because then what he was doing is normal so therefore to you inside knew it was wrong but felt normal.
It was NOT normal he was manipulating you to see how much control he really had.
2: He assulted you got pleasure from your obviouse pain and you hugged him hard. You did this because the person you loved and trusted had broken that trust hurt you behond belief and when you are in so much pain you go to the one you love and trust for comfort that is normal. You were confused as to why he behaved like this so asking why is normal and him giving no answer just holding you sobbing gives him more power more kicks and at same time takes more control away from you.
3: He would not stop because he got a kick out of it and enjoyed your pain the more you cried the more control and powerfull he become.
4: what people do not understand your pain? For someone not to understand your pain and feelings they are not in touch with human nature and youhave confided in the wrong person I am afraid or a person that does not know how to handle what you have said is most likley the more truthful answer.
You are not thinking to much, you need to talk you need to go and see someone who will help the rape crisis centre are one of the best support centres for what you have been through. They will be none judgemental listen to you and help you in the next stage of healing.
Please go and see someone to get help you need support, he needs charging and you need your confidence, self esteem and self worth building back and Yahoo answers cant do all that for you.
People like him make me want to vomit on the spot because he used his professional skills for self person gain and that Green Flower is very dangerous as you have found out what if he does this again and again if he has done it once he has done it before trust me. if you are first and he gets away with it he will do it again trust me.
God bless and you can rebuild from this with the right help and advise sorry I cant do more but hope I have helped.
2007-12-22 05:03:34 · answer #6 · answered by momof3 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, both of you are to blame. Him for his behavior and you for yours in that you let this go on even though part of you says no. So with his intelligence and knowlege manages to wriggle around the negatives and find the one positive and then blow it up to push the others out. Thus he has his way and you yours sort of since you make no real effort to stop this. Now it would be best just to stay away from the guy and try going to the authorities for some good smart counseling and stop being stupid.
2007-12-22 03:21:34 · answer #7 · answered by JORGE N 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No you're not thinking too much
You can rebuild your self esteem. I think that counselling & talking more about this will help you.
What happened to you is in no way your fault. This is all about him, his insecurities. Unfortunately, you are the one who has suffered. Talking things out will help you to realise that this was his problem & not yours & that you are a very special person who deserves to be treated better than this.
Once you rebuild your self-worth (and you will) then you will be able to say to yourself that you won't allow this to happen to you again in the future.
2007-12-22 03:00:08 · answer #8 · answered by ? Planet 80's ? 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I understand you and empathise with you. So many women have gone through what you have...and survived and have moved on to become better people.
Your experience although shared by many is unique to itself.
A psychologist hasn't the insight as much as a battered women's group would have. There you can hear others and see how they moved on. It will help you to belong to a group that has the same goal...to eliminate domestic abuse. By being there you will help yourself and you will help others.
I hope you are finished with that guy. He needs help.
2007-12-22 03:10:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
He has taken advantage of you,would you be happy for him to do it to someone else?and make someone else feel the way you do? tell the police what he has put you through.He is in a position of trust and should be struck off.
2007-12-22 03:25:57 · answer #10 · answered by Carol B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋