I trust my husband, but this news is just unsettling.....?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 4 years. Prior to us meeting/dating...he had a female best friend who was married, yet cheating on her spouse with my husband...and he (my husband) cared for her very much....well, let's say A LOT. When my husband met me, his friendship with this girl took a backseat and they haven't spoken in over three years.

My husband's good friend called him up yesterday to share some "spectacular" news....this woman got a divorce from her husband and is now dating my husband's good friend. (The three of them were friends years ago).

So, I'm thinking, greeeeat. I trust my husband, but how will I feel when we hang out, should we ever now. My DH's best friend asked if this was "weird" for him and my husband admitted it was....so that just makes me feel uncomfortable.

Should I just take this in and continue to extend the invite to be social? He is my husband, and I trust him...but I can't help feeling somewhat awkward!

Debbie...my husband's best friend called him yesterday afternoon to share the news. If it was the woman, I wouldn't be sitting at the computer right now! Thank you for the edit!

Answer 1

I dont think this is a good idea at all. He once cared for her very much and made love to her. While he wouldn't do anything, what about her? Would she put her old vibes out there? No, this would just be an uncomfortable situation. Your husband would have to acknowledge her presence and give her some type of attention, and how would that make you feel.

Answer 2

Is your husbands friend (Debbie) also friends with the ex? If so, the ex could have told Debbie to call & tell your husband that she's available again. Even if that's not the case, I know you say you trust your husband, but I would NOT trust this ex girl! I think letting them become friends again only makes her more available to your husband. She sounds like a cheap man stealer (to put it nicely). If he cut ties w/ her 3 years ago for you then I don't see why all of a sudden they need to become friends again just because she got a divorce & is dating your husbands friend. I have to disagree (sort of) with the poster who stated to let your husband see her because he will just do it anyway. I lean more towards....if you don't provide the opportunity for them to be together things are less likely to happen. Hopefully you can trust him to not see her behind your back because then he would not only be cheating, but also sneaking & lying! And eventually you would find out! I hope you know what I'm saying. I'm not very good w/ words. I wish you the best of luck w/ this! Merry Christmas! :)

Answer 3

EDIT:

I think I may have misunderstood something you wrote.. Did the friend make the call, or was it the whore he slept with?! If SHE was the one who made the call.. then I think it's fairly obvious that she was ONLY doing so as a way to tell him that she is available now, and using the "friend" as an excuse to get back in touch. So, depending on who actually made the call.. I wouldn't trust that girl one bit. She was with your husband when she was married.. so she's not going to respect your marriage enough to leave him alone now.

However, if it was the friend who made the call, it could all be very innocent. It really does depend on who called your husband to tell him the "good news".

EDIT #2:
Ahhh okay. Well, I think it really depends on what you and your husband are both comfortable with. Just because she's seeing his friend, doesn't mean you two have to see her.. other than in passing whenever she's with him. There's really no need for them to get together to "talk about the past" as so many do. That would make things really weird, for everyone I would imagine. So, just talk to your hubby, and tell him how you feel about the situation.. and find out what he thinks about it as well. Chances are, he may not even want to be around her.. Either way, don't let her presence be an issue for you, one way or the other.

Have a great day!

Answer 4

I dont know how nice I would be about it
I mean men are men and although we trust them there is always that little bit that makes us un easy
Go with your gut if it tells you keep them apart then do it
He did have feelings for her so although he loves you you dont want to bring back any weird feelings
If you put him or yourself in a bad situation bad things can happen
So if you have to hang out with them once thats ok but keep it at that
Talk to your husband also and tell him how you feel
Its only right You are normal for feeling this way
Also she doesnt sound to trustworthy being as she cheated on her husband and now she is with another friend cant she find someone outside this little circle

Answer 5

Honey, I smell a BIG,FAT, STINKING RAT. I truly believe everyone you have mentioned here already knew about this and you my dear are the last to know. This in my opinion is way tooo close for comfort and I dont think you should extend any invitation to HANG OUT. You will appear as their Sucker and this is not a smart situation to put yourself in. This is a disaster about to happen if you open up to ANY invitations. I also think that your husbands GOOD FRIEND is standing in and is the deflection until these two get it together.

Answer 6

Try to be a member of the company. Invite these "friends" to your house, and see how they behave. If something happened between your husband and the woman, you may do the same with the male friend of your husband. And the company works well, everybody is a friend of all the others.

Answer 7

OK you might not like to hear this, but, if he wants to see her, he will. If you tell him NOT to he probably will sooner, rather than later/never.
Id express that your not 100% comforable with this. And that if hubby cares for his relationship with YOU he wont pursue anything to do with her. Divorced or not, shes an X and I trust GUT feelings.
All you can really do, is express yourself(without being too paranoid sounding) and then make sure hubby remembers why he married YOU. Be the best woman you can be, kind to yourself. Men like to see a woman with confidence, and about now sounds like a good time for you to show you are into life! and that you love yourself.
Thats really attractive.
G'luck. and the only person you can always trust is YOU.

Answer 8

Be honest with your husband and tell him that you are uncomfortable about hanging out with an ex of his (if they do start to hang out). The last thing you want to do in this situation is play games. Many couples have a rule that they don't hang out with ex-boy/girlfriends...for good reason. It is disrespectful. I had an ex-fiance who wanted to be friends and hang out when I was engaged again, and I completely refused. Tell your husband that you value your marriage too much for it to be exposed to that type of situation.

Answer 9

You can and should trust your husband until he breaks your marraige vows. You however don't have to trust this woman who has a proven track record. Discuss your fears with your husband and mutually agree on ground rules for any contact with this woman, always with you, never alone, you know, don't give him wiggle room to begin a relationship with her. It may even be that you can't have any kind of relationship with this woman and still maintain the one with your husband.
If he loves you though, he will abide with your wishes.

Answer 10

I would feel a bit weary of the situation myself.
And I'm already thinking that other gal has an agenda.
I mean, of all the people in the world to date, why would it be someone that is best friends with the person you cheated with?

Personally, I wouldn't extend a warm friendly atmosphere to her. Sounds like she's out to cross boundaries again.