What can I do about my husband??

Question

My husband and I have been married for slightly over a year, and he has completly changed since we got married. He used to be really caring, always thinking of me, taking care of me when I am sick, helping me out with stuff around the house, always complimenting me to help me feel good. I have recently gotten sick to where I cant work, so I am staying at home, and I do all the work at home, I occasionally ask him for just a littly help if im having a really bad pain day and he gets nasty yelling at me telling me i just sit at home all day and he works i can do it. So he dont help at all or take care of me, I just got out of the hospital after being in there for 10 days he didnt want to visit me when he was there he was complaining and starting fights the entire time. Then he would complain all week he is tired because he had to spend time with me at the hospital. He really has been rude to me a lot and making me feel like crap, if i say something about it he says im over react

Answer 1

maybe he is stressed about ur sickness....when my husband was diagnosed with cancer, i found myself getting upset with him....i later realized it was my fear of being without him and somehow..i thouht it was his fault...i was being very selfish, but at least i realized it and changed.

Answer 2

Obviously what he has taking on is a little overwhelming. He should be honest and let you know that its too much for him to have to work and then come home to take care of you. On the days that you are not really feeling good at all with the pain and everything, he might of had one of those hellified days at work and just want to come home and relax. I have been in the scenario you are in now and my husband use to do me the same way. What I did was took the best care of myself and as quickly as possible got myself back on my feet and I never asked him to help me with anything else. If he would even ask "WHY" didn't asked him to help me, I would quickly reply, I can manage. I need to do things on my own anyway without bother people to help me. Sorry about your illness and I hope you are either getting better or you are already over it and up and running again.

Answer 3

First of all see if there is any fault with you.If you are 100 percent certain that you have done your part as a devoted wife then try talking to him.His condition maybe stress related as it is common to get out your frustrations from someone who is least resistant like yourself i presume.
Try to be extra good to the guy to the extent that he realizes what a great asset a good wife can be.Make some goodies that he relishes and be kind to him even though he may not reciprocate.I know its a hard thing but go on with the exercises and never talk back to him during this period even though he may sound completely unreasonable.Try having sex regularly even though you may not be in the correct mood.
Dont even mention that he did not visit you in hospital keep that complain for a later date.A little excercise like this and things may change.
I wish you all well and a happy marriage in the years ahead.

Answer 4

Okay, sounds like the two of you need some communication help. You need to understand his perspective and he needs to understand yours. It is hard to not be well and it is also hard to take care of those who are not well. He might be tired of hearing you are not feeling good and he might legitimately be tired. I mean, working and then coming home to care for someone is a full-time, stressful row to sow. But being sick is not your fault and you deserve to have someone with a little compassion. However, I disagree that he should be 'taking care of you'. This may not be what he bargained for and he might be feeling resentful. I would get into some counseling because there are some underlying things going on here.

Answer 5

He resents you for getting sick. He had this perfect life planned out and you went and ruined it. In his mind, the pain can't be that bad, you are just milking it. I don't think you are over reacting at all. He is acting like a spoiled child. He needs to have a talk with your doctors and your doctors need to be blunt and to the point. Maybe then he will get it. If not, then maybe counseling will help him (and you).

Answer 6

He is probably just stressed over your illness and unsure about how to help you, knowing he can't make you better. It is probably hard for him to see you lying helpless in a hospital bed also. You two need to talk about what is going on. Lack of communication can kill a marriage. Good luck.

Answer 7

It could be one of two things: Either he is resentful about your illness, but feeling guilty about that resentment; or he is worried about you. Either way, he's unable to express he's feelings, so it's coming out in anger. Both of you need to see a counsellor. Just a session or two should help you get all the stuff out in the open and straighten things out. Good luck!

Answer 8

He is either a total jerk or he is not dealing with the stress in a very good way. Don't discount the latter. Stress is a very strong influence on behavior.

Try to remember taht the longer that you "don't do anyting", the harder it will be to get back in to the routine of daily chores.

Answer 9

Perhaps your husband is under a lot of stress. I don't know you financial situation, but maybe him having to carry the entire load by himself is getting to him. I suggest you both see a marriage counselor and, if what I said above is the case, then a financial advisor as well.

Answer 10

Sometimes men get scaed and they don't know how to deal wih it so they tend to act like assholes if you know what I mean. When they woek and you had to be hospitalized than causes a lot of stress on them because they don' know if they will lose you for good or not. He prbably just loves you to much to think about losing you and he got scared.

Answer 11

Plain and simple... does this guy love you? His actions state otherwise! Only a year married? If something isn't done your are doomed. The fact that he hasn't stood by you with your "illness" states he is a self centered a hole. Leave him now... if this is a chronic thing with your health he may not be able to handle it.