How forgiving are you? Does it come easy to forgive and move on? Or do you hold grudges?

Question

I've always believed in these sayings
" The more grudges you hold in your heart the less room you'll have to love people."
"If someone hurt you, for you to hold on to that hurt, is essentially allowing that person to continue to hurt you, haven't they done enough damage without you allowing them to keep twisting the knife?".

So many words of wisdom on this page. It's very inspiring. Thanks all.

Answer 1

Frankly, I'm very forgiving. I do need to feel the anger--you know, kind of process it--then I can let it go. It's not because I'm some kind of wonderful person, I've just learned that it only hurts me. The other person isn't laying away worrying about me being mad. Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Not worth the effort. EDIT: I'm glad I came back and checked this question. I like what "aka dave" said. Is forgiving and forgetting the same thing? Can you really forgive without forgetting? I think you can and I also believe we can put ourselves in emotional danger if we fail to remember that a person has proven to us that either we cannot trust them or that we need to be cautious in our dealings with them in the future. With other folks, we can just learn--for example--"I love her, but never tell her a secret" or "never loan him money." Some friends have specific faults we just need to recognize, accept and add a little layer of protection against.

Answer 2

I try not to hold grudges. I am sure that I have some somewhere about something. Hurts maybe not really grudge. Getting even doens't work. Takes too much energy. I try to decide if something is going to matter in five years. most things are not going to matter. I sometimes give myself a time to hold all the horrible conversations in my head and then go on with my life. It doesn't always work but eventually I get to where I need to be with the situation

Answer 3

I don't hold a grudge. I see too many people do that and it seems to eat them up. I may not be so good at forgetting, but I have learned to forgive and move on. There is more to life than being angry at someone for years.

Answer 4

My wife says that my biggest fault is that I am too forgiving. I will not hold grudges. But I will not continue to interact with those that do me wrong. All is forgiven, the relationship took a turn for the worst. Why continue? Thats what I always believe. But I will not hold grudges. I want God to forgive me for all my short comings.

Answer 5

I'm not going to say I know the only way to forgive people but this is how I break it down. Forgiveness lies in taking responsibility for your own part in creating this situation. You harbor resentment toward this other person because you are taking on the role of victim, i.e. they did this to you. You have a family member who lies and repeatedly breaks promises. And yet you seem surprised when they continue to do so. This is as much your own fault as it is anyones and when you accept that you will find that there is no longer any need to forgive because they have done nothing TO you. Instead you are left with the much more challenging prospect of figuring out why you put yourself in this situation in the first place, what lessons you should be learning from it, and what behaviors you should be changing in order to avoid it in the future. Ultimately maintaining an emotional attachment to past events is only going to rob you of the ability to be fully present in the now. Use this. Take responsibility for it. Learn from it. Let it go. Nothing happens TO you. You are the cause of everything that happens in your life, whether you realize it or not. The man who gets hit by the car, chooses to cross the street. In one way or another he is the cause. You can choose to be a victim. This is a choice. Or you can simply choose not to be. It takes practice and patience but when you begin to take responsibility for the things that happen 'to' you, you are empowered to change them. Take this another direction an you arrive at your own emotional responses to this person. You say things like 'this person makes me feel hurt, upset, and confused'. In fact that person is not the cause of those feelings. You are. Some expectation or belief that you have has come in to conflict with this persons actions or words. This is the true source of the feelings. Your own expectations and your own beliefs. No one can MAKE you feel angry. You may be not be able to control your own feelings of anger but that is, again, your own responsibility. So ask yourself who you should really be resentful toward. Who should you really be angry at? This other person for behaving in a consistently immature way, or yourself for believing that maybe this time would be different and continuing to associate with that person or have any faith in what they might have to say; for not seeing in the moment what seems obvious in retrospect? Hope that helps. Shane K.

Answer 6

I believe in the saying "Forgive & forget". At times, I do agree it's not very easy to forget even if you have forgiven. But believe me, forgiving makes one lighter. I can never hold a grudge. Life is short, so let's make the most of it by forgetting small disagreements.

Answer 7

I don't have time to waste on grudges. If I can get a little catch back along the way, without going out of my way, then fine. Anyone that I would have a grudge against, I just figure isn't worth my time.

Answer 8

I totally believe what you say and I do my best to drop grudges but sometimes, people hurt you way to bad to just let it go. I always remember the fact that you can't get into heaven, if you're holding a grudge.

Answer 9

I'm pretty forgiving - life is too short to hang on to grievances. If someone has really stuck the knife in, I may take a little longer, but most times I just shake the hurts off and get on with life.

Answer 10

I don't hold grudges but I don't forget either. About the only things that really get to me are if someone lies to me or steals from me. I have had those two things happen. Unfortunately I have to be around the lier for the sake of the grandchild. I will be polite but that is it. If someone apologizes I will forgive them but I still don't forget. I will be wary of them forever.