What the hell am I doing???

Question

I fell for my ex-coworker and had been out with him just once. We kissed but nothing else happened. (even though he asked me to stay overnight, i rejected) Realised cant be like this and already told him just wanted to be friends. He sometimes texted me and so did i. But since last month, i stopped any connection with him. Just hope that i can forget him and back to my husband. However, have been trying so hard for the past few months but still doesnt work. Just cant forget him and cant love my husband 100%. Lately, cant control myself and sent him an email and also a text - just say hi and asking how's he doing but he didnt reply me. I am so confused and embarrassed. Am i very stupid? What should i do to forget him? Did I miss something or he just looked for fun? On the other hand, I feel so guilty for my husband......I started to question what is love and who do I really love??

Answer 1

You were drawn in by the excitement of a new partner. The thrill of it was too much for you to resist.

Now that you've had that thrill and it's done, you just need to move on and forget about it. The ex co-worker is not going to be your next husband or anything, so don't dwell on it and let it go.

Your husband is who you should be trying to spark up the romance with. It's still possible to feel that same excitement with him if you simply try. Plan some romance for the two of you and do something naughty with him that you normally would not do. See if you can bring some of the thrill you desire into the relationship you know works for you.

Answer 2

Having an affair? then read on ...



I wonder what the word "affair" suggests to you? Perhaps it conjures up a mental picture of romance and intrigue. On the other hand it may remind you of a broken heart and grief-stricken memories.

Over the years I have heard many different reasons (or are they excuses?) from men and women about why they embarked on an illicit relationship. It may surprise you so learn that the most common justification was "I didn’t mean it to happen" or "It just happened". Not once did I hear from anybody that they were seeking such a liaison, and yet on an unconscious level, at least, searching for someone or something must have played a part.

Even in the year 2000 there are women who still let themselves believe that "his wife doesn’t understand him" when the likelihood is that she understands him only too well. There are still women who will swear that their lovers are on the verge of leaving their wives - but "must wait until the kids are older" "the next business deal is clinched" or even "that the time just isn’t right at the moment". Why, why, why do competent, intelligent, independent single women still slip into the often dead-end relationship which prevents them finding that special someone who will be there over the holidays and weekends too? It is heartbreaking to hear from so many thirty-something women that they have been shocked to find that although they may have had an exciting time with an illicit relationship for some years, when the chips are down they envy their sisters who have found steady partners, available for committed relationships.

There may be some excitement at having a secret workplace liaison and feeling that you are pulling the wool over everybody’s eyes. I doubt that you are. There is an old saying that love and a cough cannot be hid, and that certainly goes for a clandestine affair. It may be the betrayed wife or husband is the last to know, but that is because no one wants to believe that their partner is being unfaithful.

So what is gained? Certainly, I hear about the buzz and thrill at the beginning of an affair. The very fact that it is secret seems to add a frisson to the encounters for some men and women, but I am also told that this feeling of elation can become quite addictive. This means that when the bubble is burst, and real life comes crashing in, there is a scramble for the next chase and surrender. And so on.

For some women the adventure of an affair has a strong appeal, and certainly mutual sexual attraction plays a large part in most relationships. The trap may well be that although there is an unspoken agreement at the beginning that this is a "fling" and neither expect anything more, the playing field is often not level, and the tears can flow when one or the other wants more from the relationship and it is not forthcoming.

Yet there are women who want a part-time relationship. Linda told me that when she began an affair three years ago with a committed married man, she knew that a few hours during occasional weeks would be all he could give her. She has never wanted, or asked, for more. "It suits us both," she told me, for Linda is not affected by lonely Christmas holidays and long bleak winter Sundays which other women told me about: "I write, and need to be alone most of the time". So I wonder if her lover knows just how little she really cares for him?

The saddest stories I heard were from women who cried, "I didn’t mean to fall in love" and that seems to be the biggest trap of all. Angela who knows I am writing this article for Everywoman asked me to pass on her words of wisdom. "This is my experience. I had a wild lovely time for six months. I really fell in love with a lovely man who last month said we had to stop because he couldn’t bear to hurt his family. I haven’t stopped crying since. It really wasn’t worth it."

So if you are having an affair, stop a moment and ask why you are having it and what the future will be for you. If you are thinking of starting an affair, watch out, many women have hoped they could get involved and then pull out without any harm. There are a lot of women around who have scars to show it is really not as simple take care.

Answer 3

Without going into the moral issue, I think that your actions did not correctly reflect your intentions and had been confusing to your ex-coworker. If you had feelings for him but wished to keep it at that level only, just talk to him and explain your situation. I hope he will understand and act accordingly. Avoiding each other will not help. It is very difficult, if not impossible, to continue as a friend once you develop fellings for each other. It is also equally difficult to forget such a person. Lastly don't feel guilty. What you have gone through is not abnormal; it happens. Try to spend more time with your husband remembering the old days.

Answer 4

Well its hard cuz we dont no how u are feeling, but by what u have said, i would have a nice long holiday with a girl mate, or somebody that is a good friend, really think what do u want in the realationship with ur husband. I assume this guy is embarrased u refused him, and stopped connection so he given up on you and doesnt want to bother anymore, he porbably just wanted fun anyway. If things dont work with ur husband, then i would maybe leave and say u need time. If u realize u are missing out and u still love him try to work it out with him, if not maybe its fizzled out. Anyway best of luck and merry christmas

Answer 5

This is just my opinion...You really love your husband. Perhaps you aren't getting the attention from your husband you received from this man. It looks to me that the ex-coworker was only looking for sex. You are NOT stupid. Only very normal. You can forget this man, just don't allow yourself to think about him. Time will help. Seems to me your ex-coworker was very smooth and when he didn't get what he wanted he probably just moved on to another girl. Forget him. And don't feel guilty for your husband, you stopped an affair before it happened. You did the right thing.

Answer 6

We spend so much time with coworkers and that time is based on a mutual interest - the job. We don't normally spend 8 hours a day with our spouses. Time with spouses is also divided between mutual interests, separate interests and personal responsibilities.
So while we also have responsibilites at work, they are not of a personal nature. Given this, it is quite easy to confuse this closeness at work to feelings of attraction, both emotional and sexual.
When this happens it is usually better for one of the parties to transfer to another department, another shift or find another position elsewhere.
Try to realize that it is possible that your only thing in common iwth this guy is work. The intrigue of the forbidden may also entice you.
I'd bet you really love your husband and your life with him. You were wise to cut this off when you did. One must wonder what kind of man asks another man's wife to spend the night. He may just be putting notches on his belt.
I wish you well and a happy satisfying marriage.

Answer 7

Stupid is as stupid does lady and, you just did it.

It happen to me, my spouse, she carried it on and on, we, the kids and I weren't good enough for her, she wanted to seek out what she missed in her younfg years. Our marraiges, our feeling, our very relationship, has never been the same.

This summer I' m thinking of leaving, the kids are gone,,there's bo one left, and, I;m not going to listen to her the rest of my life about how she doesn'r want sae, al least with me.

I don't feel guilty or owning, I'm just going to get in my car and go.

Your very foolish, to think he'd really fall in love with you, he already has one, why would he an t any more. Wake up honey.

Answer 8

I would first ask what I am I not getting from my husband that is making me have these feelings for another man. Then I would take that list to my husband so that I can preserve my marriage.

Answer 9

Dear Good Girl, Great Hello tou, Please do no t mail him again. Do every text mail and loving -matter to your best friend or your husband and see the results. Your emotion for that guy almost melt out from your heart and that empty place ownly taken by your husband. Do everything, which u want or say to that guy to your husband.
Time is great thing my dear poor girl. You do nothing wrong to your husband, please do not repeat that episode.
get pregnant and look after your baby, Please take care

Answer 10

I'm sorry but I can't completely answer your question. I'm just saying that if you have kids, be careful. They might be hurt more than your husband if this gets out. If you don't want to be with your husband, divorce him instead of cheating. You'll bring less pain this way than if you cheated.