My husband loves me very much and been a very wonderful father to our kids. But he often cheated on me (goes out with a hooker), maybe more than a dozen times in our 12 years together. I even got STD bec of this. He told me he does it when we have arguments specially about my son w/ my 1st marriage, when he's angry w/ me and this time because i went abroad to work, but i think that he's too hot for sex which he cannot control.
Everytime he always beg for forgiveness and becomes very good afterwards. But after a while he goes back to his old habit. But I always take him back because i was thinking of our kids. I don't want my other kids w/ him to have the same life with my eldest child who grew up with no father and doesn't even feel the love of a father.
I know and feel how much he loves me, but i he always cheated on me. This time he's asking for a last chance. But now i am asking myself, if this kind of person will ever change? Is there still hope? What am I gonna do to help him?
2007-12-20 21:12:16 · 21 answers · asked by Liza 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
being angry is no reason. bet he woudnt think it was ok for u to cheat because u were angry. think about your kids and get the hell out before u do get a std..just because u leave dosnt mean your kids wont have a father wise up he doesnt love you. get out. good luck
2007-12-20 21:24:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok Let's think about what is behind this 'cheating'. First of all he is not having an affair - he is specifically choosing women where there is no emotional involvement. That is what he shares with you, that is what he loves you for and he has not 'cheated' on this aspect of your relationship. He has used the physical act of sex as a way of saying to you 'I am angry. I feel vulnerable. I feel hurt and I want to pay you back somehow.' Some men beat their wives, some men walk out - the most secure are able to talk about their feelings and don't have to play games. The truth about your husband's response may lie in some hurt he has experienced in the past. Explain to him that you do love him but you don't like his behaviour and tell him how you feel. But carry on showing him you love him because if you threaten him the situation could become worse. One thing you should do, at least for the time being, - use a condom. And explain why. Talk, talk, TALK!
2007-12-21 05:47:30 · answer #2 · answered by Mimette 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow this situation you have almost made me cry...
First of all i want to let you know that you are a very strong girl for sticking by what your kids need. Kids need a father later in life...but at the same time they need a normal mother. I think if you left this man i believe that it will help you out later on in life. It seems as if this man i using you. If you dont leave this man... what if you kids find out what daddy's doing and maybe think that its alright to do that to people? if i were in your position i would leave him for the sake of my sanity and the future refrence on my kids. There is plenty of men out there that could be a better father then he is being.
And how he gave you an STD can also effect you mentally. you have to be careful ... there is a fine line between doing it for the kids.... or hurting your kids when you dont even know it.
i would say leave him and get child support and be there for your kids more then you have been (not saying you arent already) just saying maybe spend more time with them then u usually do and show them that mommy will always be there and that you love them. make up the love for the daddy's loss.
Again this is my honest opinion. My dad cheated on my mother when i was young to... it was rough.... but i grew up to be a good person and love life. Daddy's can be a void in people's lives.... because the mommy's love is so strong.
2007-12-21 05:24:37 · answer #3 · answered by Tristen P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has emotional issues that must be addressed and until he uncovers why he has this need to seek satisfaction from hookers, he will not stop. If he is really sincere about changing his ways, he will get some much needed therapy to help him. I couldn't believe him after years of habitual cheating - it is up to him to take some action to overcome his impulses. He is mentally unstable when it comes to handling a relationship. My brother was just as your husband; he loved and adored his wife but sneaked around with prostitutes during their entire marriage. He had severe emotional problems when it came to relating to women, but did not seek any help for it. She never found out; he died of a heart attack at the age of 45 and carried the guilt to his grave.
If it was I, and I did wish to work it out, I'd tell him the ONLY way I'd consider staying with him would be if he stopped his actions and sought therapy immediately.
2007-12-21 09:14:07 · answer #4 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's see your husband gave you an STD after admitting to sleeping with a hooker and you have a question about leaving him.
You must see that you can't stay with a person who is willing to put your life at risk and leave your kids without a parent because you die of some STD. Run don't walk to the nearest lawyer.
2007-12-21 07:07:29 · answer #5 · answered by Ya Ya Vegas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I live in the US where hookers are not even legal. If this story took place here, he would be fined, humiliated with his name and picture in the newspaper, and then put in jail. This guy is a liar as well as a cheat and I wouldn't trust his as far as I could throw him. If his pen has been in other inkwells, definitely don't let him borrow yours. There is some nasty stuff out there these days. If you can tolerate this behavior, stay with him. Otherwise hire a private investigator to take pictures for your attorney to use against him in court.
2007-12-21 05:42:31 · answer #6 · answered by Neandrathal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Liza I know it might hurt you but you are going to have to leave him,he will continue to cheat,I understand you want your kids with a father....but like someone already stated you have to know whether you are helping the children or hurting them staying in this relationship and what about the STD??it could have been AIDS then the children will have neither parent! you sound like a nice person,there is someone special out there for you who will love you and the children and WILL NOT cheat on you.
2007-12-21 05:43:53 · answer #7 · answered by Melli 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
marriages are always going to have their problems, and if every time theres a problem he cheats, he needs therapy to change the way he thinks. cheating begins with a thought. personally i wouldn't want to ever sleep with a cheater again, and after awhile of the same old thing, i would think u would grow tired of the whole deal. has he agreed to go to therapy? being angry is not a reason to cheat, there is no good reason to cheat and destroy your family. he needs to be willing to seek the help, and admit he was wrong. he needs therapy to help him see his wrong, but often times when someone has been doing the same thing for many years it often becomes part of them and is hard to change.
2007-12-21 06:57:29 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not going to change without deep therapy involving you and a psychiatrist.
You children need therapy as well so they can understand what their fahter is doing, why he is doing it, and why he cannot seem to grow up enough to get past his personal immaturity. If your children do not recieve therapy as well.. the girls will more than likely continue as you have done..and the boys will behave as their father has done because they know they do not have to grow up..because the adults in their life proved to them that they do not have to in anyway be honest and upright adults.
Your husband has deep and abiding problems with self control...and that is not your fault. That is his fault which he loves to blame on you so he feels "ok" with cheating. Change? Probably not.
God bless your family with righteous thinking.
2007-12-21 05:46:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh wow. my husband cheated on me once and I am pretty much done with him. I have zero tolerance for cheating. I am not going to take my daughter away from my husband, but I don't want her to see how he treats me. She will look up to him and someday maybe even marry a man like him. I know she definitaly deserves better and I don't want her to make the same mistakes I have made. I think that if your husband has cheated on you that much, then he will do it again. You deserve better and so do your children. If he really wanted to change, then he would see a counselor for his sex addiction.
Anyways, when it comes down to it you haev to do what you think is right. No one can made this decision for you.
2007-12-21 05:23:17 · answer #10 · answered by e_babe86 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋