Thanks to all of you who answered in support, it means alot to me, means that i'm not imagining how bad it is or how much i'm doing for little in return....
What is the best way for me to package the fact I can't handle it anymore, I'm not a fan of full-blown confrontation but I'm up for it this time. Before, I've always asked her to do things to help, like giving the floor a sweep, the table a wipe, putting her dirty hankies in the bin, and have either been accused of nagging or just been refused help.
Should I wait for the straw that breaks the camels back (i.e. cat peeing on the leather couch) and tell her that I cannot live like that and that I'm going to move out? Or should I just get in from work and tell her that I've been having a big think about things and that she has to get her act together or else I'm going to move out? Best way to do it?
Truth be told, I would have left by now if she hadn't come back pregnant at the beginning of the month....
2007-12-20 21:05:05 · 18 answers · asked by Derek J Kered 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the problems u are having can be worked out, by knowing how to talk to her to get her to make changes. ultimatums just make people angry, try talking to her in a calm way, first tell her what u would like to happen and maybe show her by example how u would like to see the home kept. work together as a couple when cleaning the home.
2007-12-20 22:24:53 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People can say that your horrible for leaving your pregnant fiancee but the fact of the matter is that if you stay together the child will only suffer because of your unhappiness!
Yes it will be a horrible breakup and things will get complicated but if you dont love her then there isnt really anything worth saving, is there?
If you do love her then try to work things out! Tell her exactly whats on your mind and then tell her, for the health of the baby that all the pets will have to go! You cant possibly bring a child into an infested pit like that! Tell her that it has to be this way or you will leave! Its the wake up call she needs! She needs to take care of her health and the babies! Its her responsibility now!
If you dont love her sit her down, tell her how the conditions and her have worn you down and that you can no longer stay! Be sure to let her know that you want everything to do with the babies upbringing and you wont leave her to do things on her own! You will support her in everything, financially etc! Dont shout or cause her stress! The babies health is your responsibility too, stress for the mum cause the baby stress!
Tell her she needs to get her act together and prepare the house for the arrival of the baby!
Its sad that its come to this, but do the right thing for the child! Dont let it grow up in a family that has no love for one another!
Good Luck!
2007-12-21 05:41:01 · answer #2 · answered by emzy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Read your original question; and I thought , why is he still with her?
Come on, you have to be getting something in return to call it a relationship! What have you got?
What happens when the baby comes,? Bet it's you who still has to clean up.
By the sound of it, even if you stay together...she is going to play the "baby card" for the next ten years or so. Get out while you can mate, you are flogging a dead horse here. And for anyone who thinks I'm wrong.....
I raised five kids alone....I was abandoned by my ex when child no 5 was 8 mnths old....I worked all the way through all my pregnancies, cleaned, kept house, motivated....
Tell her the pregnancy has come as a total shock; that you had become disillusioned with your life as a couple; and that if things don'r change, you will have to up sticks and go; this is not a threat; it is a plea for you both to work out a living arrangement that you can both agree to.
honestly?
I don't hold out much hope.
2007-12-21 18:11:29 · answer #3 · answered by marie m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While she is out. Get rid of the cat. Pregnant women should not be anywhere near cats anyway. ( you can look this up ) Let it be an outdoor cat or give it to the local pound to find a new home for it.
If she seems unable to "do much" it may be that she has a problem with depression. pregnancy may make that worse. If you are going to kick her out with your baby inside her.. I cannot think of a much worse way to treat your own flesh and blood..but hey, seems that is what so many men do these days according to what I see men saying and writing in these yahoo rooms.
If you don't kick her out ..then think over what I already said about her being in a depressed state. She may have an underlying health problem that needs to be taken of as quickly as possible. Tell her doctor the symptoms as soon as possible so she can be helped.
2007-12-21 07:35:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, now that you have made a baby with this person, you need to think of the child's best interest as well as your wishes. If you feel there is any possibility of salvaging the relationship, I think the best thing to do would be to get into marriage counseling and marry the girl so your child will have the opportunity to have a loving home with two parents who care for him/her. If you feel that there is no possible life left in the relationship, do the right thing and offer to pay child support, etc. You might even discuss with your fiancee about giving the child up for adoption, so a loving couple can raise him/her. Here is an agency that can help with this decision:
www.itsaboutlove.org
2007-12-21 05:11:09 · answer #5 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just be totally honest with her but do bear in mind she is pregnant so possibly cant get round the house as much as she could. Talk to her over a quiet meal or something and break the news to say that the mess is too much, and dont declare your moving out during an arguement about being messy it will only create worse tension and then it will make yourself and her also feel bad - and the pregnancy hormones are bound to kick in soon!
or hire a housekeeper or get the cat potty trained
;)
x
2007-12-21 05:10:46 · answer #6 · answered by MEGative 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its your baby and you need to make sure it is taken care of and cleaned everyday and every diaper change. And feed with clean bottles and plates! So I would tell her to get her act together or you will keep the baby and she can take a leap. Start taking pictures of everything all the mess do before and after (you cleaned). You might need evidence to prove your case. Otherwise you could be saddled with high child support payments and she won't care for your baby.
2007-12-21 05:14:02 · answer #7 · answered by Linda S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just go. Tell her what you're doing, and go do it.
Much better tactic than trying to threaten her, as that hasn't worked. And clearly you've had enough already, and she hasn't got the message. By just telling her what you're doing and then doing it, you are taking back control. She won't like it, but then you don't like her behaviour and controlling attitude. Just tell her you're not having it anymore, and that's that.
I'm sure there will be a reaction, but stick to your guns.
2007-12-21 05:11:55 · answer #8 · answered by Orla C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you two married? If so, then I think the things you are complaining about ie.. not sweeping floor etc. are petty reasons to get a divorce, especially if you two have a baby on the way.
I would see about getting counseling before making that decision. After all, it's not just you and her anymore, there's someone else's life involved now.
2007-12-21 05:11:31 · answer #9 · answered by vanillacream753 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I guess you should work things out with her first and confront her with her actions. And with her being pregnant adds a lot of responsibility from you (and only made things worse). But I really think you should talk things out instead of just deciding to walk away and move out of her life.
2007-12-21 05:10:20 · answer #10 · answered by Kerol 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋