My ex husband is now remarried to a woman with six kids..Ever since they began dating there has been problems between her and my kids..This has been going on for almost 4yrs.My kids are now 15 and 14 and HATE going to visit because that woman is there and so very mean to them.But there dad doesnt see this.She tells him that what the kids say are lies and that she wouldnt do that..He doesnt pay his child support and moved 4 hrs away..so we have to meet half way..The kids get madder and madder everytimte I tell them they need to go.When is it ok not to make them go anymore?
2007-12-20 18:33:54 · 17 answers · asked by spldharleymom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He will not talk to me without her..I have tried..He makes them feel guilty if they dont go..
2007-12-20 18:41:47 · update #1
he doesnt go by what the family court says. They said the kids could make up their minds..BUT he makes them feel so guilty that they go..And as we're leaving they change their minds and I make them go because they said they would.
2007-12-20 18:44:10 · update #2
It is so poor form that you ex husband guilt trips the kids into going to see him. Perhaps you just need to counter that guilt and tell them they have nothing to feel guilty about. If this woman is being a b*tch to them then their father should not be believing her over them. They are well and truly old enough to make up their minds not to see him if they don't want to. They could always tell him that they are more than happy to see him but refuse to see her. They could ask him to come to them less often if he wants to see them but that they want nothing to do with her. They could guilt trip him right back and tell him how hurt they are that he would believe a woman that he has known for less time than he has known them over his own flesh and blood. Get them lay it on as thick as they can. Fight fire with fire.
It is reasonable for him to want for them to try and get to know his new wife but once they have and have found out that she is not someone they want to be involved with he should respect their decision to not be a part of his new family.
I think you should tell them that it is entirely up to them if they want to go. I don't think you have any responsibility to encourage them to go. If he does try and guilt them to go and they say they will then change their minds at the last minute, call him and tell him that they don't want to go end of conversation and since he won't believe what they say and take her word over his then they must not be that important to him to want to see. How old is he, 5? That he won't have a conversation without her by his side? They aren't her kids, they are yours and his and it is none of her business what goes on with your kids!
What your ex is doing is so wrong. Those kids are old enough to make informed decisions. He is no longer helping to support them so why does he think he should be able to see them?
Good luck to you and your kids! Have a great Christmas.
2007-12-20 18:58:11 · answer #1 · answered by Onyx ♠ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sound like you have a loser for an ex. I think that you should be honest and articualte when talking to your kids. Tell them that their father has problems and loves then in the way that he can. if it is harmful for your boys to see their dad then yes, you should stop the visits. Children need their dad and if this is the best this guycan give it may be better than nothing. I think you need to write down the pros and cons. He may be huring your kids by caneling not calling etc. but as they get older they will realize, w/o you telling them how their father really is. It may be disapointing but they will hurtfuly deal. If you do not trust the guy to keep your kids safe etc. and they still want to see him then you can arange kids and dad to meet w/another shaperone also. It's a hard situation
2016-05-25 06:41:35 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem like a caring mother. As an observer of your post, I mean no disrespect, but is there a chance that you are projecting your feelings upon your children? This woman could very well be a “Cruella DeVille”; she obviously has her hands full with six children to which she AND your ex is responsible. Might there be a hint of envy and anger associated with your ex and his new family? As a parent, I would suggest allowing your children to make their own decisions NOT based on YOUR personal feelings. If the new wife is mean to them then talk with the father to arrange other visitation environments. If the new wife is nice and your kids are just telling you she is mean to make YOU happy, don’t make them visit. Just remember, your children are smart and will eventually see things as they really are. Your ex may be a piece of ^#% in your eyes but he will always be a father in their eyes.
2007-12-20 19:14:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If the court says they can make the choice let them even last minute. these kids need to be in counsleing too. would you make them go to a friends house if they didn't want to? probbably not so why is this any dif?
Paying Support and visitation are 2 comletely dif issues in the courts eyes. The kids need to make sure they tell him but don't push them on this issue! They are already damaged enough.
My niece and nephew are in a very similar situation. I just can't see not allowing them the choice not to go. They already have one parent that won't listen to them... why 2?
2007-12-20 19:04:37 · answer #4 · answered by Karen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Isn't that a decision that you would have to make in Family Court ?
Doesn't your divorce degree include visitation ?
I sympathize with you and your children... and with so much antagonism the situation needs to be controlled so it doesn't get out of hand.
2007-12-20 18:41:12 · answer #5 · answered by edzerne 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
they are old enough now to decide...however they still go because he makes them feel bad...and that's hard at their age...if they must go...buy a mini voice activated recorder and record the wicked witch...and the next time he wants to lay a guilt trip...just play the recorder...really don't know if this is legal...but what she's doing isn't very healthy for your kids...good luck
2007-12-20 19:06:12 · answer #6 · answered by ~Jenny~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one the fact that he doesn't pay child support made him lose his right to see them. Second of all your kids are old enough to testify in court that they don't want to see him, so they shouldn't be forced to. Pushing the subjuect is surely making it worse, not better.
2007-12-20 18:46:07 · answer #7 · answered by Adrianna Scar 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Take his butt to court for not paying. They're his kids to. Your not actually gonna subject your kids to that woman's cruelty? Think of their stability. Do you want your kids hating you? I don't think so. Wait until your ex sees the woman for who and what she really is. Things will turn after that.
2007-12-20 18:44:47 · answer #8 · answered by oldschoolelf 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
At 14 & 15, I think they are old enough to decide to not be put in the situation there in, tell them to tell there father that they just don,t want to put up with the B.S anymore. Good luck to them, enough is enough.
2007-12-20 18:48:42 · answer #9 · answered by CatGirl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you can go to court and legally have your kids not have to see their dad or you can demand that they stay home with you and there's really nothing he can do about it. If he takes you to court he won't win so don't worry about it. I had a similar situation with my dad where I hated to see him because of his new wife and I just stopped seeing him. I am 100X happier now because of it! Your children will be happier too.
2007-12-20 18:42:19 · answer #10 · answered by tennistar637 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋