im not mad...i just feel left out!?

Question

for the last two years i have been helping my boyfriend with his children. he has joint custody of the kids with his ex-wife. i help pay all the bills for the kids, and basically play the role of a step-mother to them. the kids love me, but every holiday my boyfriend helps the kids make presents for his ex-wife. mothers day, birthday, Christmas...everything. the gifts are always just making art/craft projects, but they never make anything for me. i know it is just a simple gift, but i feel left out. i am doing the role of a parent, but not getting recognized at all for it. should i be upset about this and tell my boyfriend how i feel, or just forget it and get over it.

Answer 1

You may be doing the role but you will never be their mother. Get over it. They have a mother who is important in their lives.

Answer 2

I think the boyfriend and children are sending you a message. You're a SAP. You take care of them all and even helping to support what's not yours. And you can well bet the boyfriend is the center of the problem. If you have any sense you will set their things outside the door and change your locks. I really hate seeing women taken advantage of like you are but 2 years of that, you must be a slow learner. First Christmas they missed should have done it. Mother's Day is out because you're not their mother. They may not know your birthday. But you would certainly think they would give you cards on occassion just to show their appreciation. The kids and their father love you for being an unpaid baby sitter, cook, housekeeper and an endless supply of cash.

Answer 3

well these things happen... but you know you are not the parent - you have taken on this extra responsibility on your own accord - you are not his wife - you are his girlfriend and with that you are also not his kids step mother - yet.
i understand that you feel left out at times and that is ok to feel that way. But maybe you should step back a little and see if they come to you.
That includes stepping back from the boyfriend - you are not responsible for his kids bills - get real - he needs to pay for all of that!
Look after yourself FIRST!

Answer 4

if you are with a man who can't pay for things for his own kids, then i guess that makes you a caretaker.... this isn't necessarily a good thing.

you shouldn't have to contribute ONE DIME to his kids, ever. and any man who accepts money from a girlfriend to help raise and take care of his kids' daily needs is a big, fat wimp.

there is nothing wrong with doing things for those kids OCCASIONALLY.. but you didn't bring them into this world, and you're not responsible.. and your wimpy guy friend is treating you like an evil step mother by not including you as a person who is important or even exists in the kids' lives.

you can do better.

Answer 5

Dear, this is exactly why I never recommend a woman date a guy who is divorced with children - you will always be last!

This is only the beginning, there will be plenty of years of discipline, school, and medical and dental problems as well as music lessons, recitals, family weddings, graduations, funerals, etc. Also lots of him talking & visiting the ex.

Unless he's rich, there will not be enough time or money for you. It will get very tiring. So I recommend you get out of there now and find someone who is fully available to you.

Joy to you!

Answer 6

I think you have every reason to be pissed off! But don't show it.

He probably doesn't realize that he is doing it though.
Remember, us men are so damn that we have to be reminded every now and then.

So that you have an idea of how dull we men are, when my wife is gone to visit some place...I get so confused of what to do. Sometimes I even forget to make a grill cheese sandwich!

To make my answer short, we are incomplete when our women are not around.

So just talk to him in a very very nice way.

You can start by saying, hey hon...when are you and the kids gonna make me a simple present?

I promise you that he will come around!

Good luck!

Answer 7

honey, my OWN children do not make any presents for me for my own birthday. they probably do not even know when mother's day is. and each year they forget the date of my birthday. if my husband doesn't tell him in advance and gives them money and repeats it several times i may expect nothing. so what do u want from someone else's kids? if u feel upset of course u may tell your bf. but do not expect anything from kids to do on their own. they just love to receive presents

Answer 8

thats hard...its gotta be especially when you feel like you have a really important role in thier lives....talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel...but remember you arent technically thier mother...and im not saying that to be harsh AT ALL i promise...i could see if thier mom wasnt around....but she is...you will have your day when you have kids....and then the little cards and pictures come rollin in and dont stop!! be supportive...i dont know if you two (you and thier mother) are on good terms or bad...but try your hardest to just be supportive...dont be sad...and dont feel left out....they like you right? they have a relationship with you...so let that roll for now!!! but definitly communicate with your boyfriend and tell him!! it will make you feel SO much better!! i promise!! keep your head up!!
GoOd LuCk!!

Answer 9

Tell him how you feel but don't be angry when you do it. I think that he may still have a thing for his ex.
His actions are teaching his kids that you are not important. This would hurt me and make me mad.

Answer 10

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