HELP - Dad here trying to gain custody of my daughter!?

Question

I'm in the process of a divorce, haven't actually started the paperwork OR talked to lawyer yet, but me and my exwife have been separated for months already. I really want to get custody of my daughter - not for child support (I could honestly say I wouldn't even ask for it) I really am looking in the best interest of my daughter.

After we first separated, my exwife for weeks ignored her daughter instead to lead the single life and party. After several weeks, she finally came around and started to see her daughter and take her out a few times. Currently, we are both living with our own parents, but I have my daughter most of the time (she is 3). She goes to daycare until 5 when I pick her up after work, spends hours with me until around 11 at night when I go to drop her off with my exwife so she can take her to daycare the next morning, but she's asleep already, and all she does is drop her off with HER mother and leave to go party or with her boyfriend.

So - I want to know...

I want to know the chances of me gaining custody of my daughter, what I can do to improve my chances. I'm thinking of getting pictures of her with her boyfriend + leaving my daughter to go off and party and file for adultery. What else can I do?? Any other advice you can give me??

i.e. l live in Texas.

THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who replied!! I will definitely take everybody's advice. You really raised my hopes!! Thanks again!

Answer 1

I was in the same position as you are, but that was almost 18 yrs ago. It was almost unheard of for a father to get custody of a daughter. She was 3 at the time.
As with you, my ex-wife decided that she too, liked the single life better and left.
It makes a big difference as to 'who' files first for the divorce.
In my case I filed first and documented 'everything'. Every time she didn't pick her up, or I would drop her off and she would leave. The fact that she never attended her school functions, etc.

What the judge will look for is the other parent unfit?
If you can somehow prove that your wife is having an affair and that he is spending the night that would look better for you.

I ended up getting Full custody/i.e physical custody and she ended up with visitation.
18 yrs later I can look back and see that I made the right decision in fighting for custody.
I more or less, put it to her this way...

You want the single life and don't want to be married or the responsibility of raising a child, that's fine by me, I will take full responsibility, BUT
I am filing for divorce (I already had) and I am getting physical custody and YOU can see your daughter anytime you like.
You can talk to her, see her or just visit, anytime, any day.
She actually agreed, because to her, her new boyfriend was more important and I got what I wanted and what was best for my daughter.

The best of luck to you.

Answer 2

Id what you have said is true, it is obviously in the best interests of your daughter to stay with you as the mother is not ift to be a parent. I, myslef, am a child of divorce and I'm not answering your question I just want to give you some insight. I think it all depend's on teh chikd's perspective. In my case, my folks got divorced when I was 3 (same as your daughter) and I didnt want to see or hear anything about the other parent who had not gained custody of me (in this case it was the father). I suggest that you try your best to get hardcore evidence of your exwife and her activities. The more proof you have of how she is unfit to be a parent, the better your chances are. But GO TO A LAWYER, or a company that can help you out so you don't fall into any of the pitfalls in this situation. Good Luck I hope you gain custody of your beloved daughter ;)

Answer 3

In addition to logging everything in a notebook (this MUST be done daily) keep any and all receipts regarding your daughter. Show YOU provide for the child, not only material things, but time and emotional bonds as well. J/w if it would be possible to change the arrangement with your daughter to provide more stability for her. You mentioned you live with your parents, is it possible for one of them to take her to daycare? Or maybe since the mother drops her off at gradmas, could you take her directly to grandmas yourself? It just doesn't seem like a good situation for her to be "passed around" several times during the night.
Hope this helps and good luck!!!
oh, one more thing, it is also possible to request that the mother be drug tested (court ordered)

Answer 4

I would make some rules on this.... Stop taking her out at 11 at night.... it's to late for her anyway. Start making sure you have arranged the daycare... GET SUPPORT!!! she needs to pay for her.

technically at least in my state. she spends more hours even if asleep with her mom, then mom has her. you have to be able to prove more then 50% is with you.

Get an attorney and file for custody... you will have 'custody' until the hearing and then that will be finalized. Filing automatically gives you temp custody (physical). You need to establish good habits for her. Home, daycare, job etc... do this and a judge will have no choice but to at least ward joint.

Answer 5

Let me tell you, as for the answer with the quote from the Bible, God will forgive you for divorcing her for adultery. I have talked to many pastors about this, cause that's why I got divorced. It's the only reason it's okay to divorce. Anyway, about the other stuff. DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT!!! Not documented=not done. Anything you can get,like times that she is with her mom, the condition she is in when you get her, i.e., dirty clothes, not bathed, that kinda thing. It is VERY hard to get a court to give custody to the father, unless the mother just out right gives it to him. Any witnesses you can get, anything. Document everything. Phone conversations you have with her mom, or any one that says something about her behavior. Document everything your little girl can tell you about the situation with her mom. Document your child's reactions to going from your home to mom's home. EVERYTHING!! Leave no stone unturned! If you can, dig up stuff on the people that she is associating with and that are in the presence of your child. Do back ground checks and everything. in these situations, you hope for the best, but expect the worst. Question Everything!!!!
Good Luck!

Answer 6

My suggestion to you is, 1, get your own place as soon as possible even if its just a 2 bdr apt , fix up the extra room for your daughter, starting now, id get more over night stays with your daughter if you can prove that your daughter stays with you the majority of the time , then u will have that in your favor as being "primary" parent. The judge is going to look for who has the childs best interest at heart, and a more stable environment, and who promotes the other parent more in their childs life. I would seek a lawyer asap and get a "temporary" custody order in place, "USUALLY" if the child is in a stable environment PRIOR to the divorce a judge usually will try not to disrupt the stability of the child and keep the child with the parent who has the child for the majority of the time.

Im not sure about the laws in Texas, but most states now a days dont care to much about adultery and unless u have proof of adultery PRIOR to the seperation, they arent going to care that she has a bf now that ur seperated.

But Id document everythinggggggggggggg , every day that you have your daughter, from what time to what time, and anything that you see as unstable at her home with her mother.

The more "with it" of a parent that u seem to be the better, so if its not set up all ready, id get her set up with a regular pediatrician, and dentist. Id make it a point to talk to the daycare workers as much as possible to basically make ur presence known more so then just a dad that pics her up, take a real interst in her with them. Take lots of pictures of her when shes with u, outings to the park, playing around the house, etc, seems trivial, but they would support your case of being a loving caring father. The more stable of an environment u can prove to have with her, the better you chances are and unfortunately with out hard proof of her being unfit to have custody, you are going to have to prove alot harder then she will, because alot of judges find it hard to seperate a child from their mother, ALTHOUGH alot more fathers are getting custody of their children these days..

My father had custody of me and my siblings, and i love my father more then life itself, he's the best father in the world, and i wouldnt of changed a thing about my childhood, i saw my mother every other weekend and i love her, but my father is a great man, that was alwayssssssss there for me and never let me down, so i wish u all the luck in the world, and i was only a year older then ur daughter now, when my mother left.. so keep ur chin up, and even if the judgement goes in her favor, never give up, and be the best father u can be to her.

Good luck.

Answer 7

You can simply request it.

Most judges don't frown on women who have boyfriends after the married parties are separated...

You can also have your attorney talk with hers to let her know you would like custody. Her attorney will let her know. If she refuses, ASK your attorney what can be done.

Sometimes people request a psychological evaluation of their spouse in custody cases... these evaluations are expensive and normally, both parties must take them. They determine personality types, whether a person is nurturing in their child rearing, whether they are addictive personalities, have alcoholic thinking behavior, etc. In other words, they are very telling of our worst character traits/behaviors.

I had to have one because my husband INSISTED i am an unfit person because i have bipolar disorder. I was pleased to take the evaluation. My husband was shocked and annoyed to find out he has sociopathic tendencies and is too harsh in his disciplines to nurture a child... so i guess that blew up in his face.

You never know what your wife will say about custody until you ask... And as far as support goes, you and your attorney can discuss this with the judge.. you can let them know it's not necessary. Some states will require it, regardless... but you can cross that bridge when you come to it...

take care.

Answer 8

As a mom and women who had my husband do just that take me to court and try everything to make me look bad was the worst thing ever. After he took it to trial and all of the allegations, The truth is facts and expert witnesses must be presented otherwise my goodness the price is so high. I am a recovering addict and thats like the worst! He made sure that i knew he was well educated working and financially set. But The truth is mothehood does not mean i cant have a male friend or go and party as you put it. We are like all people aside from the fact that you might dis agree, That is no right to take away your child. Also when the children see what we fight for THEM you lose thier too. Please just be all that you are and you will win all the way around. Do the right thing. God Bless You and your family

Answer 9

In Canada,we have something called (minutes of settlement) when parents can agree about their future,its nothing more than a list of important facts of their up coming life style changes. ie where child will live,visitation, holidays,child support,vacation times with each parent, daycare,payment responsibilities, if you can agree this is the best easiest, fastest, way to get on with a healthy living. you don't need a lawyer. justice of the peace can make all documents legal .Beats going to court after all its all about the child's best interest.if you can agree its the way to go. good luck

Answer 10

You're going to need witnesses and things written down because they're not going to believe anything you say in court.
Get people at the daycare to sign something saying that you always pick her up. Try to get your wife's friends to sign something saying that she goes partying all the time. Just remember, your whole case is going to be about saying every single bad thing there is about your wife...and proving it.