I have a friend that i met through my ex and today she messages me on yahoo just to see how i'm doing. She procedes to ask if its ok if she vents to me. I'm a good listener and shes listened to me in the past so i said yeah. She goes on to tell me that her husband of 12 years is divorcing her. Now, I haven't been close with this woman for a while now. We were never the best of friends but we were still somewhat close. Why do you think she's chosen me as the shoulder? Shes called a few times today and emailed after our initial conversation? I do want to be there for her, so leaving all the time we've not been close out of it, what can I do for her? She's made her life around her husband and doesn't have many friends outside their "couples" group. I've never been in her position and have no idea what i can do for her. She has a son with him and I want to be there for him too. what can i do?
I'm sure the answer is a "duh" but I don't want to make her feel any worse than she does now.
2007-12-20 17:46:16 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OH. I forgot to mention that I work directly with her husband. I actually share an office with him. Its big office but I hear what he says to people and he'll sometimes get frustrated and vent to me out of no where. So that makes it harder to be there for her...
2007-12-20 17:47:20 · update #1
Yeah everythign that is being said is a worry of mine. i did tell both of them that I'll listen but i'm not saying anything other that comforting stuff. I'm not doing the advice thing or the telling one thing to the other and vice versa. As for the using me part, I guess i should have said that I just yesterday was put in that office and she doesn't even know bc she hasn't talked to him and i didn't say. I just yesterday also had to start working with him directly...before that I was in a waaay diff dept and never had contact with him.
2007-12-20 18:03:58 · update #2
That may be the reason she has chosen to contact you about this. Maybe she feels you can give her some feedback about what her husband is saying at work. It sounds like you're a nice person. Don't put yourself in the middle of their divorce. You'll end up regretting it.
2007-12-20 17:54:44 · answer #1 · answered by seashell 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is calling you for 2 reasons:
She has very few friends outside of her marriage and feels lonely and doesn't want to go through this alone.
She knows where you work and who you work with and wants to find out if you know anything or hear about stuff that goes on with her husband.
I would tread very carefully b/c you do work with her husband and it will really mess up one or both of the relationships if you do or say the wrong thing.
2007-12-20 17:52:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't respond to either one of them. Don't add to the conversations at all, when ask the inevitable question of "What do you think".. Be honest, I am friendly with the both of you, and I really don't feel comfortable speaking of the other. Listen, say a few really um-ha, oh's seem interested while singing your favorite song. Never repeat his or her stories to anyone and after awhile of one sided conversations they will find someone to bond with that actually hates the other spouse. And the reason she selected you to confide in, is because.....SHE WANTS INFORMATION! She wants you to be her spy! Forget the other stuff I said, lay off the both of them. If she wants to talk listen but never repeat his vents or hers and never give her the goods on him, what he says or does at work....she wants a private investigator,,,,let her hire one!
2007-12-20 17:56:17 · answer #3 · answered by lekeshia s 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bad.....stay out of it. You are not the "shoulder she is crying on" person. You are the "person that gets stuck in between" person. These people usually end up losing both as a friend, unless they choose a side. be careful, do not say anything decisive. Just be there to hand her a hanky, and get her off your shoulder.
2007-12-20 17:51:21 · answer #4 · answered by Essence 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I even have been going contained in the direction of the comparable element for the previous 365 days, the spouse nevertheless lives around the line from me. We made it easy contained in the beginning up of the split, that we adore the two considered one of them and we are unlikely to take factors, and if one or the different did no longer like it they must in basic terms recover from it. i grow to be very unhappy to work out them ruin up. our young toddlers are buddies with their young toddlers so it had to be that way. purely tell them that. It has worked so some distance and we are all nevertheless buddies. Now it is not even uncomfortable.
2016-11-04 04:57:22 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She choose you 'cause she think you may give her objective adice.
If you do not want to get involve, suggest her to sell counselling
You cannot just care about the son without caring her mom, make your choice: help or not personally
Sounds like you care, go and help her out.
2007-12-20 18:04:50 · answer #6 · answered by TT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in an extremely bad position.. working with one of them and emailing and talking to the other.
It's called putting yourself in the middle.. happend to me, and i opted out. told them both that i loved and cared for them, but i wasn't going to be "the middle man" in their situation.
there is nothing you can do for this lady, other than to be supportive, if you like OVER THE PHONE OR EMAIL ONLY... don't start taking her out, and rushing to her assistance. she doesn't need a knight in shining armor, she needs to get herself together, stand up, dust off... and move forward with life.
yes it's not easy, but it's been done millions of times.
take care of YOU first...
2007-12-20 18:59:03 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this woman wants to use u. beware. if i were u i would tell her that morally u can't be her shoulder to cry cos u work with her husband. i would really suggest u stay out of this. she is not even your closest friend. u have no moral obligations to her.
2007-12-20 17:57:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought about suggesting to her that maybe she seek counseling?
2007-12-20 17:51:52 · answer #9 · answered by I do 26.2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
make yourself a list of excuses and keep it handy to your desk and telephone....
"I'd love to, but..."
"I would, but..."
"It's impossible."
"I can't"
"I can't today"
"perhaps next month" (or next year)
Joy to you!
2007-12-20 18:02:01 · answer #10 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋