when he finds out his wife of 11 years (together 13) with two children finds out his wife has been cheating on him for two months. he asks her if they could start over. she says yes, and then he finds out a week later, she's still cheating. then she moves out within a month and files for divorce. he's sort of macho and is really angry toward her - hates her, now. is that b/c he's in a lot of pain?
2007-12-20 17:45:19 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The joys of love are a moment long but the pain endures forever.
(I tried to set that to music once but it just sounded like "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy")
2007-12-20 17:48:45 · answer #1 · answered by Voice of Reason 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Any kind of betrayal hurts like hell, especially when you give all & love with all your heart, and especially when you are still willing to let it pass & work things out to move on. Hate would be a strong word, I think you're hurt, frustrated, disappointed & angry and with everything happening in such a short time, you feel disgusted & feel betrayed & cheated out of your love & loyalty & commitment. Being macho does not apply to a man when his feelings are hurt that way. It's actually manly & macho to admit you're hurt & to acknowledge your feelings. You are in a lot of pain because you feel jilted & her actions made you feel like you're nothing. If you had been the one doing that to her, she would have felt the same way. Try to talk to her again, and be civil about it, for the sake of the relationship that you've built together & for the sake of your children. Be the better man and try to understand what made her do that & try to compromise. If still nothing works, the macho thing to do is to bow out maturely & you will still have your self-respect & dignity in tact. I have a really close friend who went through the same thing, 10 years of togetherness with 2 kids & all of a sudden was hit with an ugly divorce & the excuse was simply because the other spouse didn't feel the same anymore. People change over time, some change for the better, some for the worse. Be thankful for the wonderful years & the wonderful children & start to take care of yourself & your children. Betrayal leaves a scar within our hearts that would stay there forever but love & forgiveness would help it heal, though not make it go away completely, but it would help us get through it over time. Hang in there. This is just another test that you unfortunately have to go through. Good luck!
2007-12-20 17:59:07 · answer #2 · answered by baby1004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you have to just live with the pain. Not easy. Find things to do to keep your mind from doing a number on you. Been there, done that. Takes time, & you will have plenty ! Most of all, don't let it control you. Find someone who will listen, without making judgements. Another mail is best, but females can work. Just don't let them become a substitute for your first love. And second rounds can be even better. Give yourself time & the pain WILL subside. Expect to be angry. It helps in the healing, just don't let the anger control you. Expect tears, all part of the healing process.
2007-12-20 18:05:40 · answer #3 · answered by bob b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny you brought that up. He files for divorce. But he is missing a better opportunity. With the proper attorney, he could sue her boyfriend for alienation of affection, the effect on the children and other matters. Reduce the boyfriend to poverty. Everyone always goes after the wrong parties though.
I imagine he's hurt, not so much by the divorce as the fact she left him for another and seemingly abandoned her own children.
2007-12-20 17:54:58 · answer #4 · answered by genghis1947 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gee sounds like you were standing on the sidelines watching my marriage fall apart. Pain is an understatement of a word. For me it was more like a physical trauma. I would have rather had fire ants slowly chew off one of my toes. If your at the begining of this I dont have good news. Its like getting drunk. Time is the ONLY cure. And get the hell away from her ASAP. The good news is that you do get past it. Just KNOW that you will. Take up a physical activity to burn off the anger. The gym, hiking, boxing, biking, friends to take you to the strip club....whatever, you know, physical stuff. And trust that some day you'll meet some hot legal secretary with great legs.. oh wait, thats me. Anyway, goodluck brother
2007-12-20 18:00:32 · answer #5 · answered by cawtgrinnen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
M ex wife cheated on me after just a few months of our wedding. I was devistated and you must understand when a man commits his life to someone and they rip your heart out you will have emotional scares for quite some time. It took me over 2 years to fully understand my pain and open myself again. But the light gets better on the otherside just passing through the darkness is the difficult thing. Just trust that in the end you will have peace.
2007-12-20 17:50:04 · answer #6 · answered by REV.JOHN D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is because of the pain..And also the male ego just took a major dump by finding out she was cheating,,It sounds like a horrible situation to be in..I feel sorry for him..She should have been up front and honest about things and they might have worked it out..Or been able to leave on good terms..Good luck is all I can really say..But he will begin to get over the anger..It shouldnt take too long unless she is filing for spousal support(alimony) then he will be in his right to get angry about it..Once again good luck..Depending on what state you are in you can use her infidelity against her in court to get custody of your kids..I would use everything I had to keep my kids..I did and it was a long fight but I finally got them..I love them to death but its a 16yo girl and 14yo boy..so some days.............We'll leave it there.
2007-12-20 17:52:42 · answer #7 · answered by spldharleymom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, YES, he is hurting!
eleven years is a long time to give to someone. but people do change... and feelings sometimes change along with that.
can't just blame anyone else... it takes TWO to make a marriage work, and when one strays that is a good sign there has not been much effort put into staying in love or showing care for each other.
2007-12-20 18:52:30 · answer #8 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone in this situation will get hurt.
Now, it is time to separate sensibly. Do not give up the jungle becasue of a tree. Also, think a about the kid. They need your help too.
Remember hates and violence will not solve any issue. GL
2007-12-20 18:00:52 · answer #9 · answered by TT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce takes you on an emotional roller coaster that no one can prepare you for, and it feels like you want the ride to stop and it won't.
2007-12-20 17:55:55 · answer #10 · answered by I do 26.2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋