It seems the ones who are quick to divorce may have married for convienence... like pressure from mom and the girlfreinds....
the ones that are more willing to forgive are the ones who truly love thier spouse... if they can overcome thier problem, it would make their marraige that much stronger. What do you think?
2007-12-20 14:41:37 · 28 answers · asked by Latin G 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have forgiven him...nine times. Guess I truly love him!
2007-12-20 14:48:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For many people, when a trusted spouse cheats on them, the trust is broken, then the relationship turns out not to be what they thought it was .. and feelings change. The injured person may begin not to feel the same anymore. Cheating was important not to happen to the injured spouse.
Also - the injured spouse can feel violated .. and they just cannot respond to their partner as before ... they have visions in their head of their partner being with this other person .. and they just don't understand how their partner could violate their relationship that way. Resentment sets in .. especially for a woman .. and sometimes the husband doesn't even know that she feels this way.
For the injured spouse - I think the marriage does not grow stronger .. I think the injured spouse has taken a big hit which they never fully recover from.
For the spouse who done the cheating .. and wants/needs forgiving ... I think the marriage could grow stronger for them because they are desperate for forgiveness ... well .. that is, if they really want to save their marriage. Some cheating spouses who get caught - often learn their lesson - and wants to make things right ... and when it is made right for them - they feel closer for being allowed to stay. However - the injured party is weakend.
2007-12-20 14:57:58 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well the problem in the first place is that cheating ever occured. What can possibly be an excused reason for doing so? Once a cheater always a cheater because what was the underlying reason they did so anyway? The fact that they could not exercise self-control or the fact that they thought they wouldn't get caught? I suspect a little of both. To forgive is just giving the license to do it again and again and as Eleanor Roosevelt said " The first time is their fault, the second time is yours."
2007-12-20 14:50:40 · answer #3 · answered by Vespertine 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do agree with that!
I believe that when you get married you get married for only love!
Love is more than a word you truly feel it for that person!
I would say that I think it would do a lot of damage in our marriage if my hubby cheated but depending how are marriage was at the time and who it was with and how many times could very the situation a lot.
I do believe like anything else that is hard on a marriage it helps you grow stronger together, MORE ONE!
But if you sit and let things be bottled up with each other and not let things help your marriage can't be helped.
2007-12-20 14:52:41 · answer #4 · answered by CrazyH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can say about it is what I personally experienced - and my marriage grew much stronger in every aspect. I am not happy that he was unfaithful and yes it hurt very much, but truthfully, it hurt him very much also. He ended up feeling like an idiot, a failure as my husband and a complete fool, and ashamed and embarassed that he could do such a thing.
I, like many of you, said the same words - If he ever cheats, I'll leave him; he knows it, blah-blah-blah.
Don't care if you have been married one week or 40 years; it could happen. It was 23 years of him being faithful and it took only one night for him to be a cheater. It's in the past and both of us were not going to let this one night ruin our entire marriage and I was not willing to play 'the victim'. I had a choice -to stay or go-I chose to stay and am happy I did.
2007-12-20 15:48:15 · answer #5 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been married for 15 years and had four children right off the bat ages 16-15-14 and 12. on my birthday this year i got a letter stating all the facts and truth about my husband...i found out on my birthday i may add that he had a 11 year old child with another women.soi after i married and had four children he decided i wasn`t good enough i geusse and went looking for more.
let alone this child who is innocent never met or even know about my husband her father...it has been four months now since this all happened,and my husband walks around like all is just peachy.he has no remorse....why i wonder? cause i didn`t leave and i let him away with it.i never brought it back up and being a good wife and trying to forgive......but how do you forgive someone who doesn`t even care?he decided to throw it all away thats why some leave and yes some leave on really stupid grounds for a divorce ...but i think i have the grounds.
so you can`t really say the ones who leave and can`t forgive don`t love their husband.
i am leaving ,not because i don`t love him......i am leaving cause i love someone and respect someone who doesn`t do the same for me.it`s too bad cause he will never find again someone who loves as me and his children do.
so for me it torn us apart more b staying,maybe if i would have left and gave him a chance to realise what he had done,how he had hurt me.then maybe we would be together today,as a happy forgivg,married couple should be living.
(ps)and i even have enough love to wait till after christmas so my children`s christmas isn;`t ruined,cause they love their daddy.
2007-12-20 14:58:31 · answer #6 · answered by mimi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think just because you may choose to divorce you married out of convenience or pressure. Infidelity is a serious offense toward a marriage mate, and is very hard to forgive. Willingness and capability to forgive does show remarkable strength, which most people don't have. I really don't believe we're required to possess that kind of strength. Cheating hurts, and the injured spouse is most definitely entitled to his/her pain. Personally, I believe forgiveness doesn't mean you necessarily have to take the cheater back. You just need it to move on with your life.
2007-12-20 14:49:11 · answer #7 · answered by MaknMeCrzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been cheated on in all of my marriages and at first I thought it was me but I finally came to the realization that most all men are wanderers. God gave us all free will to chose in all situations. Men and women get to chose what they do and it isn't the spouses fault. My last husband and I are really great friends even though he cheated on me 6 months into our marriage with a hitchhiker he picked up in his semi. He told me 6 mths later because of guilt and because he loved me and didn't want to carry the burden anymore. At that time we try ed for a year and he couldn't quit his trucking job so I left him. Now we are good friends and both are remarried and he is a Christian marriage counselor and is doing very well. God does work things out in His time.
2007-12-21 01:25:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I won't forgive anyone who cheats on me. This has nothing to do with how much you love someone. I had my heart broken into a million pieces when I was cheated on and I stopped talking to him all together. There are certain things that all the love in the world can't fix, and a complete lack of respect is one of them.
2007-12-20 15:07:37 · answer #9 · answered by grace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I might be willing to try, but I'm not sure that I would be able to ever fully forgive him. Maybe it would depend on the circumstances (a long affair vs. a one-time incident, for example). I'm not sure it's a matter of being WILLING to forgive, either. I don't think I could really control that. Acceptance might come after a long time...
2007-12-20 14:46:47 · answer #10 · answered by Abigail 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way to truly forgive is to be able to forget. And forgetting about the one you love breaking your heart isn't easy. You really need to sit down and evaluate your mind, heart and life. There's a reason he cheated. You're not to blame. He's a coward for stepping out of the relationship instead of not facing reality.
2007-12-20 16:48:47 · answer #11 · answered by Faith 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋