I have been bestfriends with this guy for over ten years. We briefly dated when I graduated college but ending up breaking up because he lives in a different state and has a child. The flying back and forth was stressful and I have always wanted to marry someone who doesn't have any kids, not because I don't love children but becasue when it's time for me to have kids I want it to be special and a first for both of us. And his daugther's mom is a nightmare!!! However, he is so kind to me and really respects me as a person. Are these "roadblocks" things that I should ignore? Anyone had similar situations?
2007-12-20 14:15:57 · 12 answers · asked by grace 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We grew up together, he only moved after college. And I do like his daughter, he is a great father.
2007-12-20 14:38:44 · update #1
Little things you can overlook (leaving the toilet seat up, socks on the floor, etc) but these are big things to overlook. As far as the daughter's mom being a nightmare, that won't last forever. The child will grow up and mom will gradually fade out of the picure. But could you overlook that your first child won 't be his first?
You also need to look at the fact that the older you get the less likely it is that you will find a man that doesn't have kids. This may be a "roadblock" to a lot of suitable men if you make that a criteria.
2007-12-20 14:45:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the things that don't seem to work out here, is that (1) you don't really seem to know him well as a boyfriend - you say you are friends for a long time, but long distance friends. So, you don't see him on a day to day basis, but just have what sounds like mini-vacations, where you see each other after a long time apart. These kinds of relationships are misleading, because you get what I call the "honeymoon effect" - you don't have to deal much with problems, because the time you spend together is so rare, you either don't see it, or you shove it under the rug. (2) he is kind to you and respects you, but what else do you have in common? And when you weren't dating, what the heck else were you doing ? Just carrying a torch for 10 years? Something sounds odd about this situation, that you haven't moved on or allowed yourself to move on, even though you haven't dated in a long time. Those are huge roadblocks, not to know the guy. And frankly, you don't sound as though you would be right for this guy, because his first child deserves to be loved and accepted by you, and you seem only to be thinking about yourself. I feel bad for the kid, if the mom is a nightmare.
2007-12-20 14:27:13 · answer #2 · answered by eldots53 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's always going to be reasons to not be with someone. You have to decide for yourself what is best for you. Are they things you can get past? Or are they things that can and will make you miserable?
If you're a Christian, I suggest you pray and ask others to pray for you. And after praying and really giving the situation over to God, if you still don't have peace then I would not pursue it.
I see what you mean about how he's already had the pregnancy experience with someone else, but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't be as special to him with you. It would probably be even more special because the mother is not a nightmare!
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you :)
2007-12-20 14:31:16 · answer #3 · answered by UT_VOLS 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if he has a crazy azz baby mama,run,run whilu still can,LOOK U LOVE HIM BUT THE SITUATION IS COMPLELETLY STRESSFUL Iin more ways than one.my advice is don't ignore the roadblock keep him as a close friend ,but i really believe there is something on it's way for u love wise.it's hard 2 find a man without kids .and sweetie u could do without the drama of having 2 get in a messy conflict with his baby mama ,because it will create conflit between u and him,and if she the type i believe she is all it will do is cause u your happiness and i want u to have nothing but happiness in your life.
2007-12-20 14:36:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
depending on how old you are and how old the men you are interested are , there is always a high chance of them having been divorced or have children already , although its not the ideal situation you shouldn't let a great guy go because of it . its hard now adays not to find a guy in his high 20's without at least one one kid
2007-12-20 14:23:31 · answer #5 · answered by just me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you truly love him and can love his kid the same yes. I am single and cannot imagine meeting a woman with a child and making it work because I am afraid I would not love one or the other enough. I am not saying it is not possible just cannot see it happening. You just have to love him a lot and know you can love his child even more as it will be tough.........
2016-04-10 10:37:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really, really listen to this: if you marry this man, you have moved into your life his daughter and his daughter's mother. They will figure in your life for the rest of your life.
Be very, very, very very careful what you choose to do. There are many, many fish in the sea.
2007-12-20 15:10:35 · answer #7 · answered by Esther 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever his EX may be to you right now, won't begin to compare to what she'll be after you get married. IT WILL BE 100 TIMES WORST, PLUS YOU'LL HAVE A STEP-DAUGHTER TO ADD TO THE EQUATION.
You may not know him as well as you think you do....
2007-12-20 14:35:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are trying to take your expectations into this relationship rather than letting it grow naturally. Pay attention.
2007-12-20 14:36:15 · answer #9 · answered by Brent 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stress, an ex from hell. Ignoring such nightmarish things is not going to make it go away.
2007-12-20 14:20:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋