why do so many people see it as a good thing when people are mean but "right"?

Question

i am noticing that a lot of people seem think it's ok for people to be mean as long as "what they're saying is true". in other words, it's ok to call ugly people ugly and it's ok to harshly tell people they "suck" at things if they do.

i think this is a backwards mentality. what ever happened to the golden rule. yeah, sure, lets forget the most basic values we learned in kindergarden. it is also much more disapointing when these people are grown men and women who are supposed to be more mature. what do the rest of you think?

yeah, and i don't care that this has nothing to do with gender issues :)

BUT WHAT IS THE POINT OF TELLING SOMEONE THE TRUTH IF IT IS JUST GOING TO HURT??? ESPECIALLY IN CASES WHERE THERE IS NOTHING SOMEONE CAN DO ABOUT IT.

john i'm not talking about constructive criticism. i am talking about people who ut other people down simply because they think it makes them look cool/smart/strong. when people are mean about it, their intention is usually not to help someone.

Answer 1

I totally agree with you. Just because someone is "full grown" doesn't necessarily mean they are emotionally mature. Those who feel the need to say hurtful things aren't very mature. They seem to lack empathy, which is something most people really do master by the time they reach adulthood.

There is a difference between being truthful in order to help someone, and truthful in order to hurt someone. Most people by the time they are adults understand the difference between the two. But on this site, this forum, we do seem to have a larger-than-normal proportion of people who seem to lack empathy. It may be that those who you assume are adults are not. Also, it's harder to tell sometimes when all you have is written words to go by, if someone is being serious or being sarcastic, or light-heartedly joking around. With written words, you cannot see facial expression, body language, or any other cues as to what the person is really thinking other than what they've written. Thus it may be easy to misconstrue comments that were not meant to be taken so literally.

Edit: I think I understand what you are referring to here...but ask yourself this: are you picking and choosing which "truths" you want to believe? Is it possible you are ignoring certain opinions and embracing the ones that agree with your own? What matters, really, is how you perceive yourself. Not how someone else perceives you. And if you really are going to give other people's opinions THAT much weight, do yourself a favor and take in all sides to the equation, not just the negative ones. Lots of people here have given you opposing views to the perception you seem to have that you are unattractive. But you choose to disregard those people's statements and instead you focus solely on the nasty comments of a few who feed into your insecurities. I ask you this: are you being fair to yourself by doing that? Who's opinions should you give more weight to, the nasty comments of the immature, or the thoughtful opinions of those who are being honest themselves and have told you things that contradict the opinion you seem to have of yourself? If you're going to let others decide for you how you should see yourself (and I'm NOT saying that you should), perhaps you should consider giving thought to all sides...and give more validity to those who have actually taken the time to get to know you, and whom have your best interests at heart.

By the way, I think it's outstanding that you are studying molecular genetics!

Answer 2

I don't think that they can be right when they say things about people being ugly, stupid, etc. These are opinions, and are therefore subjective. Besides which, in this instance of the YA world we are in no position to criticise anyones presentation, as it could be a complete fiction.
In the real world there are certain generally accepted standards, but there is a hell of a lot of leeway, and what is ugly in one culture is beautiful in another (I am thinking of fat particularly here).
Even the non physical traits are subjective. There are many types of intelligence, for eg. Strictly rational/ empirical, creative, common sense, emotional etc. A person from the first category would probably consider a person strong on the last category stupid.
I think that when there is criticism that is harsh and excused as the 'truth' it is always good to remember that one persons truth is not anothers - religion and atheism being the most obvious.

Answer 3

What may be mean to you, may not be mean to others. Take for example, those who post derogatory questions, followed by demeaning opinions, will receive from some people, mean answers. Now, to others, it may not be mean because some people are answering in the fashion that the question was portrayed. Yes, it may be childish to answer in a mean way to someones mean question, but you cannot dismiss the fact that, some people go according to the pace in which the one who has spearheaded the conversation into a mean direction.

To alleviate the emotions in ones words, one has to learn how to ignore people who's direction or objection to create mean emotions from people. But then again, some people are just mean to begin with. No matter what you say or do, those who are mean, will continue to be mean and thus, creates words that are meant to be, mean. And yes, the truth hurts, but one does not have to drive their words with daggers. You can word the truth in the most sincere way, and someone will still be hurt by it. The truth only hurts if the Individual felt hurt by it, even if it was nicely said. And that, would not constitute being mean.

Answer 4

I have to say I agree with this, to a point. I do know a handful of people who seem to use the "I'm just being honest" card to say cruel or inconsiderate things, and it bothers me.

It's interesting because the people I'm thinking of are great believers in giving so-called home truths, but don't do so well on the receiving end.

Honesty and good manners aren't mutually exclusive. There's the old guideline for speaking, that goes something like:

1. Is it true?
2. Is it necessary?
3. Is it kind?

If there's something to be said, it behooves us adults to step back and think of a tactful way to say it...if it's any of our business to begin with.

Answer 5

If you're really out to help somebody, then you have to be willing to sacrifice the rush you get from totally shutting them down. A lot of people don't want to give that up. It's difficult and time consuming to be understanding and patient.

Say someone's really obese -- well, unless their marching in a fat pride parade or something, they probably feel pretty bad about it already and it hasn't motivated them to get any less fat. Making them feel worse is doomed to fail because it's just more of the same. If you care, you put something positive in front of them and contnually motivate and encourage them towards health, instead of getting your self-righteous off and insulting them. It's a lot harder, it takes a lot longer, but it's the only way that benefits both people -- it's like the difference between marriage and masturbation. My source is pretty interesting article on people addiction to self-righteous indignation. A couple paragraphs down is where the meat is.

Answer 6

I think what people meant was that sometimes the truth hurts. Some people take criticism like a smack to the face. It seems like you are one of those people. Life is tough dear. You are going to have to learn to ignore "trolls" in this world. I do think that people could try to tell people the truth, in a nice way, especially if they know their feelings are going to be hurt. I agree that we do need more of the golden rule: "Do unto others...etc.." But I would want someone to tell me "I suck" if I was being a jerk, or to say that a certain outfit or haircut doesn't look good one me. But that is MY type of personality. I take criticism well. I try to learn from what people tell me, even if I do not agree with them. Sometimes just looking at a different point of view, ( even one you do not agree with) can be helpful. :)

Answer 7

This has everything to do with this forum cause this very forum is famous for it. The golden rule is completely tossed away just so we can get our points across. You see and speak the truth. There might have been many a time that I have tossed the rule to the way side just to make a point; have or haven't I'm not going to deny it.

Answer 8

Over the years, I've learned not to be too sensitive to criticism, no matter what the intent.

I accept that some people are mean (even though I might not really tell them so directly), and that may or may not be a good/ bad thing.

Sorry, I'm a little confused myself.

Answer 9

Hero, I think people have been too harsh on you, but more so, I think you've been too hard on yourself. I don't know why you say you're ugly, because I think you're cute with a great smile.

You open yourself up to the mean-spirited trolls on here when you ask if you're ugly. Don't do that anymore.

Start out 2008 by going out with your guy friends and meeting women at school. Hang around with people who share similar interests to you.

But stop, PLEASE stop, wallowing in self-despair. The only way you're going to get an even break is when you give yourself a break.

(((HUG)))

Answer 10

I agree with you, to an extent. For example, I think it would be very, very wrong to randomly go up to an ugly person on the street and tell them they are ugly. It's not going to do them any good; it's not going to do me any good, and chances are they already know.

But, if someone ASKS you if you think they are ugly, then I think you should be honest. The truth hurts but sometimes people need to know. If a person is ugly, then embracing their ugliness and eventually learning to live with it is important.