I wasn't due until February 9, but my little man came on December 9. At 31 weeks, he is small. He only weights 3 lbs. 4 oz. and is 17 in. long. He has to be in the Nicu for 4 morre weeks, and I am having a really hard time dealing. I have a 3 year old and even though she has done nothing wrong, I find myself yelling at her. I snap at my husband and all I want to do is lay around in the dark and cry. Every song I hear makes me think of the baby and I cry. I dont even feel like his mother. I feel like I had a baby and tossed it to someone else to take care of. I dont get to do the up all nights or rocking him to sleep, or hold him when he is crying. The nurses do that. I am becoming bitter and I am having really dark thoughts. I have even thought about ways to hurt myself so I can go back in the hospital to stay with him. I need help. I know I do. Any advice? Has anyone been through this?
2007-12-20 13:12:46 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
I can't just go to the hospital! I blew out my knee and I can't drive. We have family, just no family support! No one seems to care. I am getting to the point, I am so ready to give up. I call the Nicu all the time, but that dosnt help. My husband works second shift and gets to see him every night after work. I havn't seen my baby since tuesday! His hours are affecting my ability to see my baby. I hate him for getting to see him whenever he wants!! I cant just drag my daughter out at 3:30 in the morning to see the baby. And he needs to sleep for work. The whole situation is crap.
2007-12-20 13:29:22 · update #1
I have read a story about a baby born one pound and the hospial didnt have a NICU so they had to get other NICU doctors from other hospitals to come and help and she surived and was 6 2" by 11 grade so you baby will be okay. The nurses are there to help him and your the one who gave birth to him so hes yours. It is normal to feel the way your feeling. just think he will be home in three weeks but you will get to spend the rest of you live with him.
Good luck. I pray that your baby and you are ok
2007-12-20 13:25:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Our baby was born about the same weight and as premature. He had to stay in the NICU for weeks also. It definitely felt like a loss rather than a joy. As if we had lost a baby and we live half a state away from the hospital and had to take care of our daughter too. I definitely did not feel much of an emotional attachment to the baby. I just knew I should try to do what's right and people said my feelings would change. My wife stayed at the Ronald McDonald's house to be close to the hospital and I still had to work and take care of our daughter in our hometown. Just try to understand that even if you do lose your cool sometimes try not to be too hard on yourself and when you're in a better mood apologize to the family members whose feelings you may have hurt and explain yourself a little bit. My son is gonna be two year's old in a few months and I love him dearly. He's toddling around the house right now. He laughs and plays. Crys when he's tired or getting too hungry. Everything turned out fine, but it was very, very stressful for quite awhile even after he came home. I know you'll make it work.
2007-12-20 13:25:00 · answer #2 · answered by Jay K 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is a test that your doctor can do to find out if you will go into labour within the next two weeks. Ask your doctor about it. Also your doctor can give you steroid shots to help develop the lungs of your baby. You should also talk to him/her about that. My sister had her little boy at 35 weeks and he had to stay in the NICU for 3 weeks. Even though 3 weeks isnt that long.. it seemed like forever, she had a hard time with it, but he is now a happy, healthy 6 month old little boy. Try to think positive, you still have great chances of going to full term and some even go overdue.
2016-05-25 05:58:59 · answer #3 · answered by raye 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can only imagine what your feeling right now. My older son who is 3 now spent some time in NICU but it was only about a week and I felt a lot the same not being able to be near him, I was on IV's and things so I couldnt go to that area. Anyway one thing that I can suggest, I know you probably cant do it now but may be able to closer to the time of his release is ask that he be moved to the pediatrics floor when he is more stable so that you can room with him. They were able to do that with my son where I had already been released from the hospital but with him rooming there somebody needed to stay with him so there was a bed and everything pretty much just like after having a baby where they are still constantly monitoring and checking him but you are able to give the feedings, change diapers and that kind of stuff. The nurses would certainly watch him if we needed to run errands or something like that. It helped quite a bit as I also got tons of good tips on working with him when he got home and things like that. I'm really sorry you can't see him like you would like to be able to but I wish you the best and I hope he gets well soon.
2007-12-20 15:22:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have the baby blues you kinna balme your self in some way that baby came early but it does happen to a lot of people you are snapping because you are fustrated with the situation ask a family member to keep your 3 year old a few days and spend as much time at the hospital allowed your spirits will come up again my grandaughter was born early 3 years ago on the 32nd week and was very small and stayed in the hospital for 5 weeks my daughter in law was a wreck we all understood she was concerned with her new born she didn't want her staying in the nic unit but it is best ,just try to calm your self and trust that everything will be fine try your best not to snap think positive and do what i mentioned earlier let someone take care of the 3 year old for a couple days you will be ok just focus on getting the baby strong
best wishes
2007-12-20 13:22:40 · answer #5 · answered by Hulagirl96734 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been through it. My baby came early and was in NICU for two weeks, and at the time I had a 2 year old. Its hard because I always felt like I was leaving one child to go to the other, so I understand. Wherever I was, I felt guilty because I felt like I was neglecting the other child. These are normal feelings you are having, and it does get better. Your oldest child will not remember the bad parts about this time, so don't worry about that. DON'T hurt yourself to be with the newborn, because they may see you as unfit for either of your babies. Just be there for him as often as you can, celebrate each accomplishment he makes because that means he is that much closer to coming home. I know its hard, you will be torn being in the NICU because you will see other babies getting to go home and while you will be happy for them, you will also wonder "why not us?" You wil see babies who are worse off, and you will be torn...feeling for the parents but at the same time feeling guilty because you think "I'm glad its not us" these are all normal feelings and understandable. You will get your chance to hold him and rock him in your own home, just give him the time he needs under the care he requires. The four weeks may seem like they're dragging, but in no time he will be home and you can begin your normal family life once more.
If you want or need to contact me, please do. I'll help all I can
2007-12-20 13:33:28 · answer #6 · answered by sue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband was born 4 months early. He weighed 1 pound 6 ounces. No one thought he was going to make it, but he is know 25 years old and healthy and we have a 4 month old baby. You need to believe that he is going to grow up and be healthy!!! He needs you to be the strong one right now. Just pray and believe God will take care of him. And I know that you don't want strangers taking care of your baby because that's your job, but at least you know that he is getting better. Don't hurt yourself either that won't do you or your little one any good!!! I am so sorry that you are going thru this but just be strong!!! I am praying for you and your family!!!
Britteni
2007-12-20 13:40:52 · answer #7 · answered by Britteni F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I went through a similar situation only our son was born with a very rare heart condition. After having him in the hospital after delivery a total of 17 hours he was transferred to a NICU at a hospital about 30 min away. this was 1:30 in the morning. It was beyond words, a baby that looked completely healthy fighting for his life. My wife and i had to go. We went to the Nicu expecting answers all we got were more question and more fear after being told that the condition is so rare its barely even documented and most child die within 4 weeks. At that point it became a battle, me my wife and our 1 day old first born child against the odds.
It was tough especially on my wife (i had to be the strong husband..she needed that. even though all i wanted to do was cry.) we were only allowed to see him for a few hours at a time. then we had to leave for several hours while they did what they do in the NICU (hospital policy). My wife was anemic and did not have the energy to do much. Sometimes I had to force her to leave because she needed to eat and rest.
Our boy was strapped to a ventilator helping him breath and we were unable to hold him. My wife was constantly pumping breast milk, which they would maybe eventually feed him. She was pumping so much milk the hospital told her to stop...they had no more room to store it. So she kept pumping, we stored it in our freezer. This was my wifes way of being connected to our son, a way to bond.
Did I mention we also take care of my(at the time) 2 1/2 year old sister-in-law. I know you want to snap, i know you want to hurt somebody, but you have to remember everyone is scared. You have to try and stay calm, try to make things work your daughter doesn't understand whats going on. And you need to get your husband on the same page. If I went to the hospital without my wife she would have killed me. You need to express to your husband in terms that he can understand that u NEED TO SEE YOUR BABY!!!! You need to bond with that child. Your husband is doing his job as a father but he needs to remember to do his job as a husband. Your husband needs to find someway to get u to the hospital, take care of your child and make sure u get to bond with the new addition. If he wont do it then you need to find a way.
It is tough, i will never say it isn't, but you two need to work as a team, a partnership. Your child needs you, he needs to know that mom is there. You can only do what you can physically do, but you delivered that child and i am sure you can handle alot.
After a roller coaster ride of 4 months in and out of the hospital (Nicuand Picu) our child was finally home for good. And 6 months later was given a clean bill of health. A true miracle. the experience did two things...brought my wife and i closer together and taught me what my job is as a father and husband.
God willing you will have plenty of sleepless night and all nighters to come...and i have enjoyed every single one.
May god be with you.
2007-12-20 14:16:20 · answer #8 · answered by popoman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my aunt went through this . she stayed in a mcdonald house near the hospital . about snapping at your husband and daughter you might need to do some yoga to let out some stress . you might need to go see your baby more . just remember it will soon be over . when you go to the hospital to see your baby i would talk to him/ her . that could be a way to bond with your baby . if the baby feels alone all the time it might not really try to survive . seeing you and hearing you talk to him/her might want her / him to inprove more . when my aunt stayed her time mostly at the hospital with the baby it ended up getting out earlier . im sorry about your baby and i hope it recovers soon . have a merry christmas and a happy new year . you have my prayers .
2007-12-20 13:21:48 · answer #9 · answered by ashleigh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You really need to be at the hospital. They cannot turn you away, and he NEEDS you to be there to touch and hold him and speak to him.
No hospital in their right mind would not permit a mother to be with her NICU baby, they grow healthier more quickly and face less set backs when mom is around than otherwise.
Limit your stress, sleep when you need to, get plenty of sun and healthy food, and go spend your time with your son.
2007-12-20 13:16:17 · answer #10 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 9⤊ 0⤋