How Do You Neutralize Your Judgments And Expectations?

Question

Because my method is starting to hurt my head...
Nevertheless, dampening my spirits...

For example, if Christmas dinner is going just as planned...
And I am feeling high on life...
I will remind myself of possible negatives so I do not create disappointing expectations.

If I meet a fabulous guy...
I will remind myself that he could possibly be a psychopath.

I find it mentally exhausting to keep the neutrality of a situation.
Could be this...
Could be that...

How do you manage?

Answer 1

I used to have this philosophy...always expect and be prepared for the worst in any situation, and no matter what happens it can't possibly be as bad. Well, that drove me nuts! Sleepless, exhausted, dreading every moment of every day. So, I decided to go the polar opposite and not expect anything, just let it ride and see where it took me....not good. Confusion and disappointment reigned.
I finally found a balance...I expect neither good nor bad, prepare myself to accept whatever it is that will happen, and do my utmost best not to dwell on either. I arm myself only with my own reasonable expectations, and adjust according to the outcome. Sounds like a bunch of tripe, doesn't it? LOL But, for me it works. If Christmas dinner is going well and I am happy, then something goes wrong, I flow with it. Fix the wrong, evaluate my response to it, and tell myself, simply, to let be. I am a whole lot happier, sleep a lot better and don't need a shrink, meds or away time!

Answer 2

From the way you have asked the question, it seems that you are doing less to prevent disappointment and more to prevent joy. You are allowed happiness.

My advice is 1.) begin judging each situation as its own event NOT a repeat of the previous 10. Not every date is going to be Prince Charming but not every one is going to lead to Ted Bundy either. So he may not be Mr. Perfect but who knows he may be perfect for you and that's what counts.
2.) allow yourself to feel the joy you earn. Constantly popping your own balloon is wearing you out. As much as you want happiness in your life, you are keeping it at arms length. What good really is that perfect dinner party if you have to sit on the sidelines calling plays instead playing the game?
3.) embrace the ride. Watch a group of children playing and you will see that within a short period of time they will probably display every emotion possible and come out no worse for wear. So things might not turn out just how you want....that doesn't mean you won't have a grand adventure all the same.
and most of all 4.) respect your own intuition. Listen to your gut. If you feel in the moment that there is something wrong with a situation remove yourself from it. If you feel that you are actively exchanging energy with someone productively NURTURE the exchange. There is a reason we were given these gifts.

Answer 3

The first thing that you need to do is recognize that you are the one making these things up. They are not real.

Then you need to realize that judgments and expectations are the root of the discontent that you are feeling. We pay a heavy price for both judgment and expectation. Both set us up for disappointment and unhappiness.

Expectation creates the situation where we think that we will only be happy if a certain outcome is reached. This effectively blinds us to other possibilities that might be in our best interest.

Judgment assures that if we ever do find happiness it will be short lived.

True Happiness happens whenever we are not judging anything.

Any time that you are not judging you are happy.

The moment that you start judging, you find something to be unhappy about.

It really is that simple.

Love and blessings Don

Answer 4

Neutralization? As much as I'd love to neutralize away my past pains and etc, what life would that make for myself? I mean, yes, pains and tornadoes that rip away at your spirit, heart, and nature just burn you to the ashes, but you will get through them. In return, if you don't neutralize everything like that, your hapiness will do just the opposite- restore and reenergize your spirit, heart, and nature and just beautify your soul.

And, like you've seemingly experienced, neutralization of life is a restless, not good-feel mood to create for yourself.

Of course, I do neutralize things, when necessary, such as my judgement upon someone I have no right to judge, but to neutralize things of life, like restricting myself from being hopeful, preventing myself from enjoying love; that is to die away at the very heart of life.

How do I manage? I can't really say, for your situation, since I haven't been experiencing the same things the same ways, but I guess, if in your position, I choose to not neutralize so many potential joys of life, but, if I was feeling how I think you would be, I would still neutralize a fair amount of things. So I guess...let yourself loose on your great joys of life, and keep neutral the smaller things.

Although you might experience the greatest pains by letting yourself loose on potential, great joys, you will find the greatest joy in your life, I personally would much rather be on a rollercoaster then a desert.

I could never keep the neutrality of situations for a long period time, because I would easily get bored of life, and by neutralizing all the small or big events, I'm subconsciously holding emotions in, and taking away a basis of life- to enjoy it, and to live it.

Going with your example on the Christmas dinner, you can compromise your neutrality. Don't think of the negatives, but simply don't think of all the good possibles. Just breathe in the moment, and live with what comes along. That way, you can enjoy life without going seriously down (or seriously "up"), in most cases.

Answer 5

This is a really good question.
I have the same issue.

Expectations and judgments are automatic. It's going to be extremely hard to completely get rid of them.
Even if you pretend that you have no expectations, you probably still do and if something bad happens, you will still be disappointed.

About expectations. This will take a lot of work, but just try to focus on what's happening right now. Be in the moment. Try not to think too much about what could possibly go wrong.

And about judgements. It will also take a lot of work, but just try to take note of every single time you meet someone new and you make a judgement. Remind yourself that no one really has the right to judge anyone else, because no one is perfect. I think sometimes when one (myself included) judges someone else it is to make oneself feel superior to that person. But no one is superior to anyone else, we all have our talents that make us useful and special.

Answer 6

You are overthinking the situations. I manage by having a firm grip on the real world. That way no matter the circumstance my expectations are irrelevant.

Wishing a family dinner goes well, and one that does, has no bearing on my expectation.

Turn the TV off.

The world is not a rotting cesspool of misery. It's also not made out of "nerf". Things go well, things go poorly, that's the way the world works, and it is not forgiving. Once you come to terms with that you move expectations out of your way, and can truly enjoy the best things and more easily deal with the bad.

Answer 7

We are asked not to judge, so u readjust ur thinking a little bit, then stop being very apprehensive. That's all.Afraid of making mistakes?? C'mon, to err is human to forgive is divine.And to ask for forgiveness takes a gut out of a person, so try to do what shoud be done- like if u r caught on the wrong foot then apoligise, and if its the other way round then forgive.

Answer 8

just let things flow naturally, expectations aren't usually a bad thing but if you rely on that expectation too much, it wont do you any good. give everyone the benefit of the doubt and also try to make yourself comfortable within a certain situation. dont let circumstances disappoint just by a blink of an eye. its all about self assessment and trust. if you pre program your mind that whatever happen, you will have a good time or no one will hurt you because you are stronger than anyone.

Answer 9

The only thing I can think of and it comes in hand now and then is to release your inner cynic on itself.

Assume you could be wrong about being wrong, hence you could be right.

It is not that deep of a strategy but it sounds a lot better than always look on the bright side of life.

Your question assumes the pessimist in you exists so in stead of denying it, embrace it and lead it to the conclusion that nothing is for certain.

Of course, I could be wrong too.

Answer 10

You are making this way harder than it need be......

1. Never expect anything and then you won't be disappointed when you don't get it.

2.Judgments are basically the same as expectations....don't prejudge any one or any situation...or you will be wrong again.


GO WITH THE FLOW......relax, take a deep breath, step back 10 paces; now, PUNT!

Don't over philosophize or analyze! CHILL!