my b.f doesn't want me 2 work.but i have 2 kids?

Question

he is in iraq now.we have this LDR relationship.he said if i will work he will have a hard time 2 get ahold of me coz i'll be busy.just wanted me 2 stay in the house.but he said all i have to do is 2 tell him if i need something for the kids and he will take care of it.and i thinked its not right coz they are not his kids.its my own responsibilty to raise them.and i have my parent who's taking all the obligation and responsiblity to me and 2 my kids.i get so embarassed and can not say a single word that i need his help esp.in financial issues.what will i do?i am in the middle of 2 mountains.

Answer 1

As a military wife I must say this life style is a hard one. You have to do what you have to do. When my husband and I were dating I had a son from a previous relationship and was struggling with trying to be everything to everyone. So I told my husband (boyfriend at the time) that he was going to have to be patient with me and that I needed to focus on my son and getting us stable before I could be his wife. He later told me he loved me even more then ever when he realised my son was my main priority. So my advice......take care of yourself and your kids. Its always better to be able to stand on your own two feet.

Answer 2

You have to explain that you can't tell him every time you need some thing. You need a steady stream of income in order to support your two kids. He is a soldier; he understands that certain things have to fall into place in order to get a job done. Your job as a mother of 2 is made all the more difficult if you have to ask either your parents or bf for $$. Unless he plans to marry you in which case the commitment is there but he needs to give you access to money if he is deciding that you should not go to work.

Answer 3

Well I think it's great that he is willing to take care of you guys financially, but I certainly understand where you are coming from. When he comes back, you should assess him for control freak behaviour, but if I was away in Iraq, I'd like my partner to be reasonably accessable too. It may be that he misses you, and has a weird time table and is afraid he'll never be able to catch you.
Explain that you need to work, not because you don't think he can provide, but because you need to for your own feelings of self worth. Get a job with fixed hours, so you have routine. Then you'll be able to let him know when you'll be home. Perhaps part time work will satisfy both your needs. I understand your independence issues, but to be in a relationship you have to relax them. You may not like it that way, but if it's a choice between toning down your independence issues or breaking up with the guy, which are you going to choose?

Answer 4

You need to work for you and your kids. That man is not your husband, plus he's over in Iraq and isn't obligated to take care of you and your kids. So, you need to handle your business and not look for his approval to work to support your kids. You shouldn't put your life on hold to be available to him. That's not right. especially since you have kids. I'm sure he'll still be-able to get in contact with you and i'm not saying that your man is like this but some guys don't like their women to work because they think they going to be out there with other men at the job. I had a female friend who guy tried to get her fired from her job, we were just co-workers/friends and her bf was extremely jealous.

Anyway, If i were you i would do what you need to do for yourself and your kids. You already know what's right.

Answer 5

If your boyfriend respects you he will respect your right to make your own decisions. Depend on yourself. Didn't you expect the father of your two children to be responsible? That didn't work out as you thought it would, did it? What makes you think this man's promises will end differently? In real life a woman depending on men doesn't seem to end like it does in a fairy tale, does it? Finally, read your posting carefully, for you answered your own question in your letter.

Good luck and though it will be difficult you can do succeed.

Answer 6

I just got off the phone with my ex husband giving him custody of his teenage kids do you want to know why?

Because I was like you I wanted to work to take care of these kids and now they are out of control.
Kids need a parent at home with them
if you have a man that is willing to do that for you be grateful and love him
GOD BLESS

Answer 7

Why are are you allowing a boyfriend to tell you not to work? It's too bad he will have a hard time getting hold of you. You have an obligation to your children first. You do not have to be at the beck and call of your boyfriend.

Answer 8

tell him you are grateful and you will let him know if you get desperate but you need to work for self esteem and to have a life. You are not a doormat to be available whenever he calls,this is what a mobile phone is for; arrange a suitable time he can reach you. He may be worried that you'll meet another guy if you go to work and is feeling possessive,reassure him you will be waiting til he gets back. good luck.

Answer 9

If you want to work, you should be allowed to. You have a cell phone just like most Americans, don't you? He shouldn't have a problem contacting you. And anyway, don't you ever leave the house to go shopping? Or does he freak out about that too?

Answer 10

I think you are on to something with this. Sounds like your bf is a bit of a control freak. If you want to work, get a job. Work for a while, then let him know you are doing it. If he can't handle it, then something strange is up with him, but if you split, at least you can support yourself.