Is it cheating if my wife has no interest in sex?

Question

I have been married for only 1 year but ever since we got engaged and my wife had that rock on her finger she has been completely uninterested in sex. When I say uninterested I mean we go months without it.

I have talked to her and she says she just doesnt have a sex drive.

Is it within my bounds to get sex elsewhere if she doesnt know the person and won't ever find out? Im not sure that she would even care though as long as I am meeting her othere needs as a husband

I have read everything so far and trust me I am doing all the things suggested. I constantly remind her of how gorgeous she is, I send her sweet notes and gifts to her office a couple times a year. I do everything she asks around the house.

Someone said cuddle and stuff but I try that all the time and she doesnt like it, especially while trying to sleep.

Trust me, this is not something Iwould normally consider but I am so sick of "taken care of my own needs", without getting to graphic

Also, many suggests about oral sex. She has never let me go down on her because she says she doesnt like it and it feels dirty. Same thing with her giving me oral sex, she did a lot at first but since engagement says its disgusting and wont do it

Answer 1

No one understands unless they have been there. I feel your pain. I married my high school sweetheart. We dated for many years before marrying. She wanted to "save" herself until marriage and I respected her wishes, I never wandered away while we dated. Well, when we married, it did not take me long to learn she was frigid and completely uninterested in sex. Sex was for getting pregnant and that's all. Two children later, the sex has all but ended. Now I'm still here, 20 yrs into the marriage and very depressed. I'm not going to divorce, she made it quite clear that she would take everything I own plus the kids, but I've been tempted to wander. I haven't yet, but each day is harder. It's been over 4 months since we had sex and I'm at the end of my tolerance level.

Now for all those that suggest you talk about it, that doesn't work. When a person is not a sexual person, talking doesn't resolve anything. In fact it leads to hurtful arguments. And those that say go for counseling, when someone doesn't want to acknowledge that there's abnormal behavior, counseling is just out of the question.

Brother, I feel you pain. Good luck is all I can say. If you find someone for relief, remember its not all your fault.

Answer 2

If you are thinking seriously about cheating on your wife it sounds like it's time to go see a therapist or a marriage counselor.

You also need to sit down with your wife and have a serious talk without yelling or berating her. Don't blame her or yell at her for not having a sex drive - it may not be her fault. Here are some reasons why this may be happening...

-Is she overworked? If she has a demanding job or a job with a lot of hours, she may be too tired to have sex. Does she have children to take care of and a lot of housework to do? This may overwork her too.

-Is she on any medication that would compromise her sex drive (a good example would be an anti-depressant). If she is, she should talk to her doctor about this. They might be able to switch her prescription or offer advice.

-Did she recently have a baby? She could have postpartum depression or this could have effected her sex drive as well.

-Does she show signs that she's having an affair? Even though I don't think this is happening it IS a possibility you need to look at. Sometimes people withdraw from a relationship because they are in another one.

-Since marrying do you not as much pay attention to her? Do you not try to make her feel beautiful? Try dressing up, treating her like a lady (open doors, pull out seats, stand up when she leaves the table, etc), and taking her our to a really nice dinner. Spice up your life... and hers... and see if she wants you. Try massaging her, bathing with her, or spend more time making out with her to get her in the mood. It generally takes women longer than men to become horny.

-She may suffer from depression. If she is sad and shows signs of it, you may suggest that she talk to her doctor or see a therapist.

If you have an affair with another woman you will wreck your relationship with your wife. You may also feel really guilty and may regret it a lot, you'll have to live with that for the rest of your life. You'll have to live with the knowledge that you had a sleazy affair.

Answer 3

Yes, it's cheating. But you can talk to your wife see how she would feel about you doing something like that.But don't take this wrong i don't believe in cheating matter of fact i hate that word.But i do understand how you feel my last boyfriend was like that after 2 years he just stop wanting to have sex and i thought about going out on him but i never did because i loved him and now today we are not together anymore so now i have what you call a f@ck buddy it's better this way for me. I wish you luck

Answer 4

Sounds a lot like she may be finding comfort elsewhere. You really need to find out. Even if you can't work it out, don't cheat. No good can come of it. Divorce would be a last resort, but you may (and I emphasize, MAY) be at that point. Man and wife are designed to be together spiritually, emotionally, and sexually. Even if she isn't excited about it, she should make an attempt to provide for your sex drive. Be honest with her about how you feel, she may be understanding. At the very least, seek a good marriage counselor.

Answer 5

Yes it's cheating. Sorry, but that's the truth.
You have a few options;
Tell her that the lack of sex is a real issue for you & that the situation needs to change & she needs to make some positive steps in that direction-conciling, discussions, whatever.
Accept celebacy (or be satisfied with masturbation) until that time, if ever, she decides that she want to have sex again (likely to happen only when she decides it's time for you to have children)
Ask her if it's okay for you to go outside the marriage for sex if she isn't up for it. (it ain't cheating if it isn't against the rules).
Cheat & accept that you'll eventually get caught & ruin your marriage, but probably after you've had kids so you'll be messing up their lives as well.
Get a divorce & find a woman who's going to turn off the sex spigot the day after you say "I do".
Good Luck!

After reading your additional details, it sound like you got sucked (literally) into a classic bait & switch. You had a normal sex life before the marriage, now she has her MRS. she doesn't feel like she needs to oblige you any more. Basically she LIED to you.
Divorce her now or tell her you are going to go get a girlfriend, then go get a girlfriend & divorce your wife later after you've found a girl who isn't going to only have sex until she's married (but before you have children).
Don't listen to the rest of these folks who are telling you don't cheat, marriage is sacred, yada yada. They're right, but only when the marriage wasn't based false advertising, like a girlfriend that had no problems having sex or going oral but now as a wife says it "dirty & disgusting". She was lying to before you got married, now that she thinks your locked up she's reveiled her true self.
DUMP HER, NOW!!!

Answer 6

Married for only I year and she lost her sex drive? There are much more than that, and you need to answers. Before you find a sex partner talk to her. I'm sure she wasn't like that at the beginning. Did she lie to you to get you to commit? Is she getting her satisfaction somewhere else? That's a question that hurts but same as you're thinking of finding someone now, so could she. Some marriages don't work because one of the two lie just for the marriage status.

Answer 7

Yes it is cheating, but I see your point also. If she agrees that you can have sex with other women, then you guys have an open marriage. Would you have a problem if she only wanted to have sex with other men?

Even if she doesn't want to have sex with you due to her lack of sex drive, then I would try to see if she would be willing to do things to please you that don't require her to be into sex. That's only if you've tried everything else. Because there comes a time when you're going to need that outlet. Oral is a good way for you to have sex without her being interested. Is that something that you guys could do?

Answer 8

Are you kidding of course its cheating! You got married so you're committed to one person for life. You shouldn't even consider having sex with anyone other than your wife. If I knew my husband thought that I wouldn't be a happy camper.

Nevertheless, she is depriving you. Everyone needs sex. Has she asked the doctor about her lack of desire? There could be an imbalance. Also, the pill knocks girls around with all sorts of issues such as moodiness, weight gain and sex drive etc. Also consider if she is on any other medication which does the same thing.

Good luck. Don't ruin your marriage for the sake of sex. You might just regret it and if you have a conscience (do you?) you may one day confess. I'm sure Mrs Palmer will suffice until you can sort out your problems.

Answer 9

YES IT IS CHEATING. You took vows in front of god and your family and cheating is breaking one of those vows. If you loved her you would respect the fact that she is just not in the mood for sex. If sex is the most important part of your marriage then maybe you guys don't need to be together there is so much more to a relationship especially a marriage than sex. Even if you think she would never find out she will. Don't do that to your wife or yourself it would never be worth it. You don't know that she would care unless you tell her that you plan to cheat on her. Maybe you should ask you wife if you can screw someone else and see what she says.

Answer 10

You made a commitment to her, that you would stay faithful ONLY to her.

There is absolutely NO acceptable reason to cheat.

Cheating is wrong. By cheating your wife, your going to cause pain and hurt and loss of trust with your wife.

Instead of actually thinking about going somewhere else, even if your wife isn't interested in sex, sit down and talk with her, and try and work out a comprimise. Also instead of cheating, try marriage counseling.