My husband only wants sex about once a month (if that). I love him very much. We have been married 8 years?

Question

now & he has never had a strong sex drive. It is beginning to drive me nuts. I would settle for once or twice a week. I have mentioned it to him, but he thinks I just have too high of a sex drive & he doesn't seem to be willing to seek help for us. What gives?

Answer 1

depends on age.

someones idea of a joke was to have men reach a sexual peak at 18, and women at 30. as a comedian once said, at the same you are discovering how great sex is, he is discovering he has a favorite chair.
also, if things have changed since you first met, like you, orhe, gained weight. he might not find you attractive, or he might be too fat to want to bother.

as with all problems in a relationship, if he is not willing to work it out, meet you half way, there is nothing you can do.

i am 48. i want it as much as i did when i was 18. it is hormones. if they stop producing, you stop wanting it.

edit- for those who say he is cheating. we want more when we cheat, not less. the more we get, the more we want. a man does not have a maximum. we dont have sex a certain amount and say " im done". like a dog and meat, if you put it in front of us, we will devour it.
also, when you cheat you also want to have sex with the wife. it is part of the control/getting away with something/proving you still got it, thing.

Answer 2

I wasn't going to answer this question but all the ridiculous answers compelled me to offer some help: Your husband's behavior does not mean he is gay, for heaven's sake. He more likely has some uneasy feelings about sex and/or a low sex drive. He might have insecurities about performance as well. See a doctor who can do an evaluation. There could be some physical problems. There are a host of medical conditions, including diabetes, hormonal or prostate problems, that lower a man's sex drive. Medication can help. Counseling can identify any emotional issues that may be affecting his attitude towards sex as well. If he is deeply religious, he could feel "bad" about wanting sex. He may have repressed his feelings for so long that allowing himself to want or enjoy sex is difficult. Also, your becoming pregnant can make him see you in a non-sexual role. Now, you're mommy not lover (but he had problems with sex before you got pregnant, I think.) There are so many potential reasons for his behavior, none of which includes homosexuality or infidelity. I have known friends with husbands or boyfriends who have had similar problems. Have hope. Seek help. There is an answer. And don't take his rejection personally. It will only make matters worse. It isn't you. It's him and there is help out there for him. Good luck. :)

Answer 3

Just the opposite here. My wife only wants it once a month or so. I on the other hand would like it 4 or 5 times a week. The funny thing is when we were first together I let her set the frequency which was the 5 or 6 times a week that I like. We get into a fight about it once or twice a year but what's a fella to do?

Answer 4

first off you did not say an age but you did say 8 years so i would say he is somewhere around 30 or so either way. with all that said guys are in there prime 18 to 25 after that there sex drive drops big time. while on the other hand women are the complete opposite. at around 30 to mid 40's are your peek for a sex drive. if i was you maybe try adding something in your night activities. maybe a dildo for him to use on you try some role play. does he like teddy's ? i mean us men love sex some more then others but sometimes we need some help. by asking him to seek help outside of just you 2 is almost like an insult. if it wont rise then of course he needs help, but if it comes up then you might need to make it interesting. and just in case this happen and you lost control of your weight that might have done it also i that can go either way as in becoming fat or skinny depending on his preference in woman.

Answer 5

Ask him about it. That's your best option. Anything that you get here will be simply an opinion/guess. It's normal for people to become less excited by people/things that they are with for long periods of time. As you get older, you generally become less excited about sex because you've done it so many times in the past. If you have been with one person for a long period of time then the process may be accelerated because not only have you had sex enough to make it less of a mystery but you have had sex with the same person (which makes it even less of a surprise). You should bring it up to him and have an open conversation about it since it's driving you "nuts."

Answer 6

Well, Here is my opinion.
Some people just find sex more apealing than others. I think you should talk about this to him very openly and ask why he does not fancy it as much if that makes sense.
You also however are going to have to give a little too. If he is not all that comfortable with it and expresses this in a mature way, You should respect this. The only answer here to my ideal is comprimise. How about maybe...3 times a month?
Myself, I'm not to sure how to answer this but I'm sure this will give atleast a little clue, Best luck wishes~! ;)

Answer 7

I'm not sure how old you guys are, but certain things can lower a man's sex drive faster than a cold shower. Stress for one thing can have adverse effects on sex drive(its scientifically proven). Also testosterone imbalance should be looked into. Definately go to a doctor and get help i'm pretty sure it can be resolved unless its something else such as swinging in another direction.

Answer 8

Maybe if you added some variety to your relationship things would get better. As you will already know people in long term relationships get into a rut and do the same thing all the time. So add a bit of spice to your life.....Cant go into detail if you fancy a chat give me an email or im and we can chat 1 on 1...

Answer 9

"he has never had a strong sex drive." And yet you CHOSE to marry him as he is. Being married doesn't mean you get to dictate what sort of libido your spouse has. You might suggest he see his doctor since it could be a medical problem...if not, you're just going to have to learn to tolerate him as he is because he is the man you married and learn to adjust or leave. The ball is in your court.

Answer 10

Perhaps he has male impotence or doesn't feel he's good in bed. Whichever, it is a problem for you and you need to somehow get him to see a sex therapist. Otherwise you'll probably end up cheating on him, leaving him or just being unhappy and sexually frustrated the rest of your life.