THE water rushed, the water swelled,
A fisherman sat by,
And gazed upon his dancing float
With tranquil-dreaming eye.
And as he sits, and as he looks,
The gurgling waves arise;
A maid, all bright with water drops,
Stands straight before his eyes.
She sang to him, she spake to him:
"My fish why dost thou snare,
With human wit and human guile,
Into the killing air?
Couldst see how happy fishes live
Under the stream so clear,
Thyself would plunge into the stream,
And live for ever there.
"Bathe not the lovely sun and moon
Within the cool, deep sea,
And with wave-breathing faces rise
In twofold witchery?
Lure not the misty heaven-deeps,
So beautiful and blue?
Lures not thine image, mirrored in
The Fresh eternal dew?
The water rushed, the water swelled,
It clasped his feet, I wis'
A thrill went through his yearning heart,
As when two lovers kiss!
She spake to him, she sang to him:
Resistless was her strain;
Half drew him in, half lured him in;
He ne'er was seen again.
2007-12-20 11:22:33 · 18 answers · asked by Jack 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
WOW! Did you write this?
S-3 is THE best thing I've read in weeks, maybe months. It could stand alone as a one stanze poem.
The meter in this, coupled with the word usage, reflects years of study and practice. TD
2007-12-22 00:03:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
For me a poem has to have rhythm. It doesn't necessarily have to rhyme but it needs to hit my emotions. I think clarity of expression is important as well. I don't like to second guess what I'm reading about. I always look for what I term "poetic gems"in the text.
2016-05-25 05:40:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This old geezer just read a real piece of poetry! I could picture Loreena McKennit putting a melody to the one...
writing along traditional lines never becomes outdated...that's why it's called traditional.! Only people with no sense of cultural influence could fault it....give us more!
2007-12-20 12:14:26 · answer #3 · answered by Monsieur Recital Vinyliste 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lovely flow, clever choice of words. Nice ending too. Not much to critise i think everything looks about in place. Well done.
2007-12-20 11:54:21 · answer #4 · answered by The Will 2 Defy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lovely bit of trad: nice imagery, good sense of rhythm.
The use of spake for spoke, ne'er for never, I wis(no apostrophe please) for I know: they all give it a vintage flavor.
I would only say:
THE>The
Fresh>fresh
"Bathe>Bathe(no quotation mark)
dew?>dew?"(end quotation)
Full stop after wis.
Resistless>Hypnotic
2007-12-20 17:04:58 · answer #5 · answered by thom t 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
damn brilliant, girl.
it's so romantic to me. I have a soft spot for fishing boats, water-covered witch maids, and kissing....
also, I think you are clever--and cleverness is a rarity anymore because it takes time to percolate.
how long have you been writing?
2007-12-20 20:31:10 · answer #6 · answered by Kurt H™ FC Steaua Bucureşti 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Super!
2007-12-20 11:47:43 · answer #7 · answered by crackerjack 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nice! I like that its relatively light-hearted, and not trying to make a point.
2007-12-20 13:26:05 · answer #8 · answered by Meta 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ooh you clever sausage.
If I ever decide to turn lesbo I'll look you up
2007-12-20 11:27:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This poem is incredible! I love your style of writing. Love love love!
I hope you write more on here? do you have a myspace page with more of your writings?
2007-12-20 11:44:07 · answer #10 · answered by Gene C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋