If you're with a guy who is a great father, treats you will, and works hard to provide for you and your children, would you leave him if he cheated on you?
(I'm asking this for a friend)
2007-12-20 11:21:02 · 29 answers · asked by ~♥Angel Of Music♥~ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, not necessarily.
This is the real world, and talk is cheap.
How many men out there do you really think remain faithful throughout there relationship's lifetime?
Really?
Weather they are found out or not....I truly am not being negative, but monogamy is not necessarily a built in thing, like we assume it is in this culture.
It depends on how important faithfulness is to your friend, if it rates fairly low on the totem pole, and she can live with it, without feeling bitter, I say have at it! It's no ones business but hers......on the other hand if it's torturing her, and it's something she cannot live with by all means, help her pack her bags and start the proceedings.
I'll probably get bashed for this answer but
truth isn't always in a pretty package!
2007-12-20 12:21:48 · answer #1 · answered by mchlmybelle 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
That description is an oxymoron in and of itself. A great father wouldn't betray his childrens' mother--if it gets found out especially in a small town and gets back to his kids, they will be damaged. If the marriage breaks up, they will be damaged. If he makes another baby with the "other woman", the kids will be damaged. I could keep going, but I think you see this point.
My definition of being "treated well" would have fidelity right at the top, rather than being put at risk for STD's and just the whole emotional betrayal.
And he probably wouldn't have to work quite so hard if he wasn't spending some of his resources on the other woman plus whatever he is doing to try and cover his tracks! Not a few of these guys end up getting blackmailed at some point, or trapped by a woman who ends up pregnant--I would think that would come right out of the money needed to "provide" for the family.
If he is completely remorseful with hat in hand saying the affair is over and promising it will never happen again and willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild the trust and respect in the relationship, I might give him a chance and try and reconcile. In that case, it's time to go to a good marriage counselor, get in church (or back in church) and get things straight. Move to a new town, change jobs, change e-mail accounts & phone numbers, do whatever it takes to make a clean break with this past and move forward. If he is to ANY degree trying to blame the wife or anyone but himself or otherwise trying to justify this and not take responsibility or being wishy-washy about what he wants and his feelings toward the wife, then it's time to hire the best attorney, get control of the assets and finances, get a P.I. to get the dirt on him, and take him to the cleaners!
2007-12-20 19:50:51 · answer #2 · answered by arklatexrat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's tough. Has he cheated only once or several times? Was is with an ex or someone unimportant to him?
If it's the first time and you are still in love with him then I would say go to counseling and try to work it out for your kids. If this is a continuous thing then leave him asap. You aren't setting a good example for your children and you deserve better.
2007-12-20 20:56:16 · answer #3 · answered by Kimmie J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes.. I love my husband, he is great in every way possible, but if he cheated, I would leave, and in a hurry. Cause if he can treat me and my children the way he does, then go behind our backs and break all our hearts, he isn't the person I think he is, is he. Its like being married to a stranger, and i couldn't live with that.
2007-12-20 19:52:46 · answer #4 · answered by JUDAS RAGE 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all a guy who cheats is not treating you well nor is he a great father. Second yes I would leave in a heartbeat because I would never trust him again. That's just me and I'm just sayin'.
2007-12-20 19:29:42 · answer #5 · answered by jadeynoctobre@att.net 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It truly depends -- how often does he cheat? I mean, is it a habitual thing? If so, yes.....I respect myself too much. BUT, I ALSO believe people make mistakes and if that is the case, no......I wouldn't -- I would forgive and get over it - then again, I'm not the "jealous" type and I've been married 25 years. I would have never even thought to question anything like that. Men CAN be weak....and I also understand that.
2007-12-20 19:28:08 · answer #6 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is up to your friend. If she is willing to forgive, she will never forget, but she will have to endure some mistrust. It takes a long time to trust someone again and it can get in the way of a happy relationship.She has to look at the consequences of how her relationship will definitely change with him. It wont be the same... believe me. There will be a lot of questions and no answers. If she can deal with that, goodluck, if not, she should decide to get out ot the relationship.
2007-12-20 21:59:03 · answer #7 · answered by SeLaVi23 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depending on the circumstance. If it was a drunken mistake and he is totally sorry, then maybe. But not if he was trying to romance another woman. Although good men are hard to find, keeping one that cheated will only leave your friend doubting him forever. No relationship should be like that!
2007-12-20 19:24:49 · answer #8 · answered by Lely 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not everyone is the same but personally it would depend on the situation and why he cheated. It would definately take a long time to get over it and trust again if I did choose to stay. I guess once can be considered a mistake but twice is definately a choice.
2007-12-20 19:29:13 · answer #9 · answered by Trinity 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is truly a question you havwe to dig deep inside your self to answer. I was in the exact situation, my boyfriend of 9 years cheated on me after we have just had our first child, but after some time apart and alot of talking, we agreed to work it out under my circumstances. You have to really know that he won't do it again, because it can not only hurt your feelings, but it can also lead to STD's. And if he really proves to you that he won't do it again, then you have to forgive him and forget about it. Don't bring it up everytime you guys have an argument, b/c then the relationship won't work. I know it may be hard to forget, but if you want it to work out then at least forgive, and let it be. It's gonna take time to trust him again, let him know that, if he's willing to earn your trust backe then it's worth it. And always trust your instinct, if you think he's doing it again, let him know how you feel, and leave him. But this time don't take him back. I always go by this saying..."fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me"!!!
2007-12-20 20:18:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋