How do I get over this guilt re breastfeeding?

Question

I thought I had a good medical reason for not breastfeeding my son but I have started to realise that if I had tried harder I may just have been able to breastfeed. It is eating away at me and whenever I see a breastfeeding related question on here I burst into tears because I so regret not breastfeeding my son. Has anyone been in a similar position and how did you overcome this guilt?

I just wish so much that I could turn back the clock :-(

Sadly I didn't breastfeed at all, he is 15 weeks now so I think it is too late now.

Thank you all so much, I am in tears here reading your replies, you have all made me feel so much better, I will definitely look into relactation - I had no idea that was possible and I will be breastfeeding any future children I might have.

Answer 1

I totally understand where you are coming from. At about 12 weeks my son started screaming when I would feed him and since we had started giving him one bottle at night (to prepare for me to go back to work) we would give him a bottle thinking he was just really hungry. This went on for a couple weeks getting worse and worse until he totally gave up breastfeeding. To make a long story short we ended up finding out he had acid reflux and had we known sooner we could have stopped it and got him back on breastfeeding. I felt so guilty because hes had so many issues with eating since, because of his reflux...and I thought if i had just known sooner and kept at it maybe he would have been ok. The reality is its was out of my control and I know that I am a good mother. As long as you love your child and show them that you are just fine!!!! The fact that you are sad about it shows how much you care and what a great mother you are. So dont stress because the baby can sense that..just know you did what you thought was best for your child, and thats all you can do! :)

Answer 2

Mother guilt is a *****. We give each other such crap and tell lies about the things our babies do to cheer ourselves up. Dont harbour this BF guilt. If you want to begin relactation get in touch with the Aust Breastfeeding Assoc or the LaLeche League in the US to talk to a qualified counsellor. Remember if you have more children you can always try your new found knowledge and confidence to Breastfeed a little longer. Even if you only Breastfed your son for one week he would have recieved lots of immunities that will keep him healthy. Let the guilt go..... Love your son and concentrate on other wonderful things about your baby!

Lots of women go on to breastfeed their adopted babies by initiating lactation. go for it if your serious

Answer 3

The most important thing is that your son be loved, cared for, and fed -- breastmilk or formula. Many babies are formula fed each year and still grow up in loving, healthy households. You're being a wonderful mother!
Do you know that back in the 50's and 60's formula was considered to be the modern, healthiest way of feeding our children? I know that it was frowned upon when my grandmother wanted to breastfeed my aunts, uncles, and my mom, so she formula fed. All five of them grew up to be very healthy. Although breast is best, the formula on the market today will still give your son the start he needs along with lots and lots and lots of cuddles :)
If he hasn't started smiling at you yet, I hope he does soon to tell you what a good Mom you are and how much he loves you!

Answer 4

Hun, we all do something we regret with our kids. NO mother is perfect, so give yourself a break.
I felt horrible when I used a so - called "tear free" shampoo on my son, got some in his eyes by accident, and he screamed his head off. Things happen.
Keep doing the best you can; that's all anyone can expect from you. When/if you have another baby, you can contact a lactation consultant during pregnancy to help you prevent any nursing problems.
It's the mothers who KNOW they can breastfeed but don't even try who should feel guilty. No worries, Mom!

Answer 5

How old is your baby? You can likely still bring your milk back in. Google "relactation."

There is a good article on breastfeeding and guilt here:

http://www.kellymom.com/newman/bf_and_guilt_01-00.html

Note esp. "Finally, who does feel guilty about breastfeeding? Not the women who make an informed choice to bottle feed. It is the woman who wanted to breastfeed, who tried, but was unable to breastfeed who feels guilty..."

You are certainly not the only one who was given bad information, if that's what happened.

edit: re. "he is 15 weeks now so I think it is too late now" -- no. There are adoptive mothers who breastfeed.

If you are interested, the word you want to search for is "relactation." Here's an excellent starting point:

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/adopt/relactation-resources.html

La Leche League (http://llli.org/ ) would be a useful support if you want to relactate, too.

Answer 6

i breastfed my 1st, for 1 year then weaned her off, not a problem the whole time, my son was difficult from day one and at 10 months my doctor told me I had done enough, it was then we found out he hated warm milk as he wanted his bottles cold, I felt tremendous guilt that I had stopped feeding him, but it was for the best. All babies are different and maybe next time. Either way he will be ok and I personally think there is a hormone that makes you feel guilty for stopping, some sort of evolutionary hormone to make sure you feed your baby!

Answer 7

try blending expressed breastmilk with formula at each feeding. commence off with only a touch bit formula - 1 / 4 of an oz of formula in line with 3 oz breastmilk, and then very steadily, over the approach the subsequent 3 weeks, enhance the quantity of formula interior the bottle until eventually she is used to the flavor and there is now no longer any breastmilk in it. do not get your self down - you gave her 5 months of breastfeeding, it is so a lot more effective than many toddlers get carry of. you want to be in a position to guard her with a cheerful and sparkling head, which potential taking your medicine. Enduring migraines shouldn't help both one in all you, she will be in a position to be basically superb with the formula. yet because you went so a lengthy way and not using a cigarette, it would want to be a shame in case you began smoking lower back. i advise staying faraway from cigarettes and inspiring your husband to adhere to on your footsteps. Your daughter is predisposed to smoking considering she has mothers and fathers who smoke, and her negative aspects of bronchial asthma and different issues are more effective. you received't be in a position to grant her breastmilk anymore, yet you could provide her the proper a possibility care by protecting her faraway from cigarette smoke and giving her mothers and fathers who received't die of lung maximum cancers of their 1950s.

Answer 8

I decided not to breastfeed my daughter, but two years later when i had my son i breasfed him. I did feel guilty for not breastfeeding her. I did it with my son for financial reasons. Looking at my two children now (almost four and 20 months) I realize that my son is developing just about the same as my daughter did. He is slighly more advaced, and is saying more words at his age than she did, but other that that there isn't much difference. I think he is talking more than she did because he has another kid around who is constantly chattering, whearase she didn't have that.
Your son will be fine, you have to live in the now, its not worth the heartache.
Also, the big benefit of the breastmilk is the Omega 3, and they make formula with that in it now, and as he gets oler he can have lots of foods rich in omega 3, like salmon.
Good luck!

Answer 9

I worry terribly that when I stop breastfeeding, I will also feel very guilty, even if it's after my goal of at least one year. You just have to look at your little boy and know that he loves you just as much, because in the end, that's all that matters.

Answer 10

Whats to feel guilty about? If you want to feel badly about that you may as well feel badly that you used disposable diapers too. Really, its not big thing. I seriously doubt in 30 years your son is going to say to you........Mom I hate you for not breastfeeding me.

I am sure you are a quality parent in many many avenues. Enjoy the time with your son as he will grow far to quickly.