Do you ever get so frustrated with your baby crying that you have to walk away from him/.her?

Question

In the middle of the night I feel so upset that I want to hit something. So I put the baby down to cry and go to my own bed. I am a very good mother, but he is 6 months old and still wakes up 4 times at least! I am not waking up well anymore. And when he eats and than wont' go back to sleep, I can't seem to handle it. I am a very loving person that doesnt' fucntion at nightime (I was fine for hte first 3 months, and than I just couldnt' seem to wake up properly 4 times a night or more). And I put him down and just leave. I feel so bad, but in the mornings and day, I am fine. but at nighttime when he is screaming, I just want to hit something and burst into tears. I dont' think I am sleep deprirved because I nap lots! So I do get to sleep.

Answer 1

Sometimes, that's the best thing you can do. It's good to leave your baby (make sure he is safe) for a little bit to regroup yourself. By taking yourself out of the situation to get control of yourself, you are preventing yourself from the possibility that you might act irrationally. Ask your doctor for a list or pamphlet of how to get a baby to stop crying. On that list is the directive to walk away if all else fails.

I have a great husband who takes the baby when I get so upset with his crying that I'm frustrated. When he does that, I walk away knowing my baby is safe. I regroup myself, count to 10 or higher, then return to the baby.

Look for the book "Your Child's Health" It has lots of wonderful tips on getting your baby to sleep through the night and putting your baby back to sleep. It's a book no mother should be without.

Answer 2

First let me say that I am totally into the AP philosophy (I babywore- before he started walking and didn't want to- I EBF until solids and still breastfeed at 14 months and he's never slept in a crib or bassinet. I still nurse on demand- he's never had formula and didn't even have a cup till about 10 months).
But here's the thing... when the baby is screaming and you've tried all that you can and you just want to scream yourself sometimes you need to step away and breathe for a few minutes.
I do think that CIO (cry it out) is really wrong and that's not what I'm saying. What I'm talking about is just removing yourself from the situation to take a mental assessment for a few and then going back to baby to try again. You aren't any help when you're totally stressed out.
I think if more moms would say to new parents that they've done it and it's ok there would be a lot less SBS.
I had to quite a few times during the colic months and I was much better equipped when I came back refreshed 5 or 10 minutes later.
Good luck
Just as a side note- if you're feeling like this A LOT then you should definitely talk to someone. PPD doesn't have to start right after birth.

Answer 3

I answered your other question but napping is not the same as getting at least four hours unbroken sleep. I think you are sleep deprived and it would definitely have that effect on you, I know because I have been there myself, I really feel for you, I haven't really got any advice on how to stop your baby from waking as I'm not sure why he is doing this but I do know that you are not alone so please don't feel like a bad mum, I have sometimes had to put my baby in his cot and go into another room to get away from the crying for a few mins. No mother likes to listen to her baby crying.

Answer 4

Trust me, as hard as it may seem - you are doing the right thing by walking away, as you cannot doing anything constructive while in this state. Just take the time out to calm down, and then once you've collected yourself you can go back in and sort him out.

Four times a night is a hell of alot, and I really feel for you. At 6 months he should be capable of sleeping through. Presuming that he's getting enough food during the day, try to gradually wean him off the feeds at night, to the point were you are giving him water instead when he wakes.

Once you get to this point, try not to lift him out of the cot and avoid eye contact etc. i.e. make it as boring as possible, no lights, no stimulation.

Hopefully he'll get the message that night times are for sleeping, day time is for feeding and playing, and don't be too hard on yourself - being a mother is the hardest job in the world!!

Answer 5

re. "Trust me as mothers we ALL go through that" -- nope.

My suggestion is to cuddle your baby more. Co-sleep at night and use a sling during the day.

Why? It's not just good for the baby; it's also good for you. It releases all sorts of nice calming hormones. Nursing is the ne plus ultra for that sort of hormone flood, but if you're bottle-feeding, you can still get it via close physical contact with your baby.

Those mothering hormones are there for a reason. Your call whether you want to make use of them or not. But if baby is sleeping isolated in a crib at night and spending his days in strollers and car seats and so on, Mom is not getting enough physical contact with the baby, and so understandably not able to function as well as she should be able to.

And where on earth is Daddy in the middle of the night? He should be getting up and making with the cuddles if you cannot.

It is not harmless to let a baby cry. I am not saying you can't leave the room when you're at a breaking point, but. See http://www.talaris.org/pdf/research/CIOPoster.pdf

Dr Wm Sears' book "Nighttime Parenting" is worth a read, too.

edit:

re. "I am a very good mother..."

From your other question:

"At 3 months, he started fighting his sleep and staying up for hours. After a few nights of this, I put him in his play pen to cry..."

I think you really need some help. I don't know if that's a doctor's help, medication and therapy, or in-home baby care help, or what, but.

Answer 6

You might want to consider co-sleeping. It's not unusual for a 6 month old to wake up several times at night, and with some babies, they wake even more when teething. It's a *lot* easier to get a baby back to sleep quickly if you can get to him and comfort him before he is wide awake and upset. If he's in your bed, or at least next to your bed, you'll have a better chance of getting him (and yourself) back to sleep more easily. I also don't function well in the middle of the night, and I don't think I would have handled night wakings either if I hadn't co-slept!

Answer 7

I know the frustration you feel. My son is now 13 months and he still wakes up 2 times a night. Trust me, your body will get used to no sleep... And baby will eventually sleep more. Maybe try feeding baby a little rice cereal in with his milk or formula. It should hold longer in the tummy. Babies develop routine around 6 months so the sleep routine may be what it is for awhile. Try swaddling baby to sleep. If done right, it can make any baby sleep longer and better. (cholic children too, trust me it works)

Answer 8

When you got pregnant you should know your responsibilities as a mother..Its normal if you want to hit something and burst into tears because you stressed a lot. I know its not easy to wake up 4 times at night espcially your stressed and your sleep was disturbed. But you cant leave your baby crying or screaming because its your work to wake up at night feed him let him sleep and everything..try to wisper him everynight to sleep well because even though babies cant talk but babies can feel and understand..goodluck

Answer 9

I know the feeling, its quite frustrating but you've just got to get on with it. I put my baby in his own room at 5 months and I gave in and gave him a dummy, it really does work only problem now is getting him weaned off his dummy!

Answer 10

ooo honey!!! Trust me as mothers we ALL go through that please dont think you are a bad mother !!! I decided to let my baby girl cry through the night at 5months becasue she was waking up like yours, i decided i was done and it took about a week and she stopped screaming and slept through the night ! Letting them cry is not a bad thing he shoulkd be sleeping throught the night by now !!! I would maybe try to develop the same routine and maybe give him a bath at the same time every night! I hope things get better for you ! We ALL have those thoughts and you are not alone!
GOd BLess