should I tell my 14 year old son that his father and I have an open marriage?

Question

I think it would be nice for him to meet my husband's girlfriend and my boyfriends, and all their kids. I also want to reassure him that mom and dad love each other very much, and I don't want him to worry. Our marriage has always been open.

Answer 1

I don't know if he's old enough to respect that decision. He'll understand but, he may not handle it the way you expect. It really depends on his personality. But if he had not forewarning he may become defensive and/or angry. Just handle it with care. Maybe ease him into it. Not all at once, ya know?

Answer 2

Hi :)

I don't know how mature your boy is, but I think 14 is a little young to understand the complexities of an adult open relationship.
I wonder if you can still introduce your boy to your other partners but only say that you are very close friends.....and that is all...? this would explain why you spend time with others without going into too much detail at this stage.
I think you need to keep the adult sexuality part to yourselves, just the same way as you wouldn't tell your boy what happens in the bedroom between your husband and you, he doesn't need to know the intimate parts about your other relationships.

Answer 3

First off let me say that I am not agaisnt your lifestyle. Marriages that make this work often times lead a very happy life and as long as everyone keeps the right perspective, it can be a very fulfilling relationship.

However, your son is growing into the age where image matters. You know your son better than I do but at that age if anyone said something about my parents in a hurtful meaning I'd probably take their head off.

Realize that your son maybe more accepting than what his peers and friends are. If word gets out, he may feel he has something to prove to his friends and classmates while defending his parents.

Explain there is many different relationships, girlfriends and boyfriends, casual dating, marriage, open-relationships and describe to him the pros and cons of each.

Know that if your going to explain that the relationships you have with these other people include sexual relations, that this too influences your son's growing mind.

At this age boys are coming into puberty and have enough images and fantasies running their heads, might be hard to digest for him to think of his parents boinking other people let alone each other.

Answer 4

You guys are frigging weirdos! Why the hell would you have an open marriage? That is absolutely disgusting, and immoral! It's just an excuse to get laid by someone else and have it be okay and there is no reason why your son should have knowledge of your drama. He may already know however being that he is 14 but to embarrassed to ask or say anything, you are definitely not setting a Good example to him. By the way how do you even know he is your husbands since you can't seem to stay off your back?!

Answer 5

Why would you throw something that complex at a14 year old child. Most adults can't understand an open relationship, and its complexities. He doesn't need to know that mommy and daddy love each other very much, but have sex with other people. He feels safe and secure not knowing, so I'm not sure what benefit telling him is going to do. More than likely, it would just confuse the hell out of him.

Answer 6

No. No, no no no no!

Please, if you're going to tell him, wait until he is older like around 18 years old. Not at the age of 14 when he is just beginning to develop his sexuality and ideas of what relationships should be all about.

P.S. Not only that but at 14 most kids would rather die of horror than to even think about their mom and dad having sex, let ALONE that they are out there f***ing other people too! That's just wayyyyyyyyyy too much for a kid his age, way too much.

Answer 7

I really do not think this is a good idea especially at 14. That is a very hard age to deal with new things anyway. I cant imagine having to understand why and how (could my parents do this) at such a young age. I would wait till 18. It is your life though. I just think this could backfire.

Answer 8

NO!

He is your child...not your friend. It will not do him any good to be exposed to your messy love life.

Remember how when we were teens we all felt that the very thought of our parents having sex was totally gross? Leave him out of it.

You and your husband already demonstrate to him that you are in love by your every day behavior. The way you are thoughtful and considerate to one another. The peaceful, loving home you create for each other. The way you respect one anothers' opinion and negotiate disagreements rather than screaming and crying at one another. That is what love is. Sex is just sex. Love is all of your behavior.

Answer 9

NO. I wouldn't tell him. For one 14 is way to young to learn about his parent's sexual activities outside the marriage. I think you'll be sending the wrong message to him about the values of marriage at this age. He should be allowed to decide for himself what type of marriage he would like when he is old enough. Keep this to yourselves and only address it when he asks at a later age.

Answer 10

No. He doesn't have a need, and to think like you it takes a special state of mind. People by nature are programmed to be with just one person, and is what love is about in the majority of the cases.

Just a few can do what you guys do, and that can be because they don't really love each other, or are in that special state of mind where they can do it. Since not many have share that way of thinking, I would say just keep it personally since there is no need for him what you guys do personally, is like telling him what you guys do when the door of the bedroom it's close.

I would agree that other people may have good things he can learn from, but thinking like a 14 would do, it's kind of difficult. The person will always love you, but it will be hard to accept, and again, it's something personal and doesn't concerns him.