I hurt my wife while drinking?

Question

I went out drinking last night. Usually if I drink, I drink at home and I don't go overboard. Last night when I came home, my wife asked why I was out so late... I wasn't thinking clearly and I smacked her across the face and onto the couch.

I have NEVER hit her before and she is scared. She went to her sisters. I don't want to lose her over this. I have never raised my hand to her before. What can I do? I felt bad immediately, but my apologies were not enough. Please I need advice.

I swear to you I would never want to hurt my wife.

Answer 1

Time to re-evaluate your priorities. if you cant control yourself when you drink, then you better give it up. you will loose her or hurt her again if you don't.

Answer 2

It's not about drinking interfering with your thinking, it's about alcohol removing your inhibitions. If you didn't already resent your wife, alcohol could never make you hit her. That's just an excuse and a refusal to accept full responsibility. You are right, apologies are not enough. If she is smart, you will lose her over this. You have blown it, and she can never trust you again. In the meantime, stop drinking altogether or you will probably repeat the bad behavior.

By the way, no one has really picked up on your headline "I hurt my wife." If you "smacked her across the face and onto the couch" hard enough to really hurt her, it is a lot more serious than some of the responders are suggesting. It probably constitutes assault and battery (a felony)

Answer 3

The first thing you do is stop drinking. Even if you are usually only a social drinker, any time that drinking causes you to exhibit behavior that can disrupt your life in such a drastic way -- you are clearly drinking too much and you need to change your habits. Again, although it has happened only once -- the drinking has obviously affected your life in an incredibly negative way. Who is more important to you? Your wife or alcohol? If you only drink socially, it'll be all the much easier to give up. And it will go a long way to prove to your wife that she is the priority for you. And to do so will also keep such behavior from happening again.

If you are more than a social drinker, which it sounds like by the way since you do most of your drinking at home alone -- you should seek out the help of AA immediately.

As well, you should suggest marriage counseling to your wife as a valid sign of atonement on your part. Tell her you're willing to do anything to regain her trust. And then do it.

Answer 4

Even if you think you're not an alcoholic, join an AA group and get involved with them. If you've abused your wife via alcohol, then obviously you're not meant to drink it in such quantities. Even if you don't think you have a problem, you need to go so you can show your wife that you're getting a grip on what happened and showing deep regret for your actions. You can even ask her to attend with you sometimes if you want?

After you make that effort, write her a heartfelt apology letter and explain to her what you've done and how bad you feel and let her know that she's the most precious thing in the world to you and you hate yourself for hurting her like that. THEN, send her flowers, just once, with an invitation for her to go out to dinner with you at a restaurant where you can have a modicum of privacy to discuss what's happened. Don't put any pressure on her to forgive you right away. The more you beg at first, the more she'll resist coming back. Just explain what happened and what you're doing to make sure it never happens again. Let her know how much you hate what you did to her and how much you understand why she reacted the way she did and don't blame her. Do not use the words, "I'm sorry but..." or "If you hadn't" or ANYTHING else that puts any kind of responsibility on her. She wasn't at fault so don't make excuses. Women respect men who own up to their mistakes without making us feel guilty about any of it, so show her your courage and maturity and just let it fall on you. At the dinner, talk to her as I've suggested and then ask her to think about coming back to you and giving you a second chance. Tell her she doesn't have to make a decision right away and that you don't blame her for not trusting you right now. But also let her know you'll give her the time she needs to think things over, then extend the invitation to join you at an AA meeting whenever she feels up to it.

If flowers, dinner, a letter and total humility doesn't keep her with you, nothing will. Hope it helps. Good luck.

PS: Stay away from the alcohol for a long time. Ground yourself, if you have to, forbidding yourself anything that puts you at risk for making those same mistakes. I think that will help you remember yourself the next time you do drink or feel tempted to raise your hand to anyone. Try it and see.

Answer 5

Having been a beaton wife before and its terrifying, i stayed there with him as my grandad was dying from cancer and he used to threaten to go and cause trouble so i had no choice. As soon as i could i left him after i snapped one day and hit him so hard, he knew how i felt. Since then i have saw him though the hittings never got mentioned. For you to do this you have built up rage that needs an escape route. Tell your wife you are going to a doc and that she is welcome to come alomg as he/she will refer you to a crisis centre for some councillind and advise. I would urge you to go as this may be the only chance that you have of saving your marrage. You may be asked to stay away from alchoholic drinks for a while to assess if its the drink making you kick off. There is nothing to say to your wife other than you will get help but the trust is now shattered and it will take some time to pick it all up again. Good kuck to you and your wife.

Answer 6

ur in deep u better give up the booze that may be the only way to keep her if my boyfriend did that to me we would have SERIOUS problems n it wouldnt be forgiven over night which im sure u kno u need to talk to her now that she may hae cooled down about it a bit tell her how sorry u r n that u will stop drinking so there will NEVER be a chance of anything like that happening again but that was pretty serious i would have probably hit u back pretty f*cken hard but i just dont take that kinda crap i wouldnt of left we would have ended the fight that night but shes not me and many women r very meak n easily scared by things like that its time to talk tho the longer u avoid it the more u two will grow apart over it

Answer 7

My opinion is that your wife needs time to work this out. What you did was, as you say, a horrible thing. Alcohol changes a person. Obviously, that is NOT the person you want to be, so you should stop drinking. Seriously, this would convince your wife that you would never hit her again. But you really need to use self control and NOT DRINK! K? That's good. Let her know our decision.

Answer 8

i have lived with verbal abuse from a acholoic for many years and they say that it comes out of you when you drink because you are too scared to do anything of this nature while sober. i have drank in my life time and i have never been that drunk not to remember what i did. you may not remember why you did what you did, but you do remember some things. you do remember doing it! so therefore there is no excuse for that type of behavior. husband and wife's are allways making one or the other angry at some point, but you never resort to the point of physical abuse. she could have you arrested, right now for CDV and you could have a fellony charge against you. if you value your marriage, relationship, friendship and partner for life you had better make some major changes in yourself. i dont care what a person says to anyone, that doesnt give them the right to strike out in violence. First try to talk to her and then decide and DO make changes in your life for you and your wife. If she loves you she will give you another chance. But dont expect miricles over night with the way you have treated her, you have to winn her confidence back along with her respect. You dont realize how much a person hurts another when they are an abusive drinker. i know i live with a alcholic, some times i wish he would just get sloppy drunk and pass out.. this is no kind of life!!!!!!!! hope everything works out for the best for both of you.

Answer 9

If you want to save your marriage just saying your sorry isn't going to be enough. You need to get enrolled into alcohol and anger management counseling. Even though this is not something that you would do on a regular basis, you did do it. You need to prove to her that you are serious about it never happening again. Once you are enrolled tell her that you would like for her to join you so that you guys can work things out between the 2 of you.

Answer 10

If you are sincere, you are just going to have to give it time, since you have done something that is inexcusable.

You also might want to explore the idea of not drinking anymore. And why did she have to ask why you were out so late - don't you call to say when you might be home so she doesn't worry?

You both may need the help of a professional counselor to talk it out.

Answer 11

First of all, you should feel bad, there is no, and I mean NO excuse for smacking your wife. It will take alot for you to build the trust back up if she even contemplates having you back so you are in for a long rough road. And, you have to ask yourself seriously what possessed you? Despicable, but if it really was a one off and you love her then like I said it can be rebuilt. You make sure it never happens again pal.