My husband and I have been having issues lately and he's begun to throw things at me. First it was a peice of pizza after I turned away from an argument, then (we run a cafe on the weekends) he screams in front of all of our customers that I'm a F***ing B***h, the next weekend he threw a plate of hash browns and hit me in the back of the head, again in front of all our customers. I just don't know what to do, we're under a lot of stress right now, we have four daughters, two of whom are disabled and one who isn't doing well, so there's a major source of stress. Having explained the stress, he swears he would never throw anything that would hurt me (we're obviously omitting the PLATE!) and that he knew what he was doing. So to me that says he consciously made the decision to throw something at the back of my head and it scares me. If he did it out of anger and didn't think about it then what's next? I just don't know what to do, any suggestions would be helpful.
2007-12-20 08:41:44 · 9 answers · asked by justwondering 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
LilSunBeam what is that supposed to mean?
We lead very busy hectic lives and we have children with special needs, that's all you can tell by my previous questions.
2007-12-20 08:52:15 · update #1
For those who asked about the effects on our daughters, yes they've seen it and I do NOT want them to think it's okay, but I also don't want them to see how easy it is to give up, hope that makes sense. This behavior is new and I don't know where it's coming from and I don't know what to do about it.
2007-12-20 09:01:57 · update #2
Yes, it will escalate. If you have four daughters together, I'm assuming you've been together quite awhile. I'm also assuming that the abuse has been going on for quite some time, but it sounds in your question like this is a new thing. If he has been violent before this, it's time to get yourself and your daughters to safety. If this is a brand new thing and you have been together for as long as it sounds like, then I would try telling him exactly what is and is NOT ok with you (for instance, "I don't care if it's something that would hurt me or not, DON'T THROW THINGS AT ME!"), and leave him immediately if he does not comply with your wishes.
Normally, I would say don't give the guy a second chance if he's violent. But if you have been together long enough to have four daughters, and he is just now becoming violent, I think there is a SMALL possibility that he may not get worse.
You know him better than anyone. Trust your instincts. If you believe he will get worse - or if you're afraid to lay down the law with him - then it's time to leave, and you know it. Be safe, and good luck!
2007-12-20 08:53:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes honey it does escalate. Being under stress is not a good reason to treat your wife like that. You are under the same stress as he is. Why are you letting him humiliate you in front of the customers? Soon you will not have any customers to serve if he keeps this up. I could not live like this, he would have to go. Sooner or later it will not be plates, it will be his fists on your head. Are your customers or your little girls going to witness this? Do the girls witness this also? Do you want them to think that you are suppose to be treated like this, that it is normal? I have been through an abusive relationship and it goes from bad to worse very quickly. I did not know if I was going to get out alive. It was not always like that either. I did not even see it coming. Good luck to you.
2007-12-20 08:51:24 · answer #2 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two children with disabilities and trying to run a restaurant. Wow, talk about stress I would say that yes, the two of you have your hands full. Maybe check into getting some counseling, a support group. Some assistance that would allow the both of you some respite. It can not be easy. However, violence usually does escalate. God bless****
2007-12-20 08:47:20 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to get him into anger management and both of you need to get into marriage counseling. So he can hear how this is harming you and your children. It won't go away on its own. My husband had anger issues show up, and we did all this, and are still in marriage counseling, and his anger is gone. So it sounds like you still love him and don't want to just leave, so if you get him into counseling, things will get better. But only if he wants to change. If you let him get away with this behavior, he won't change. Good luck. And be strong for you and your kids. That's what's most important right now.
2007-12-20 09:01:50 · answer #4 · answered by trapeze 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
domestic violence is nothing to ignore. your husband has anger issues. you do not have tolerate him throwing things at you. tell your family whats going on and get out of the relationship for your sake and the sake of the kids. heres a link.
http://www.ndvh.org/
2007-12-20 08:53:31 · answer #5 · answered by slickric 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he did this in front of customers, think of what he is capable of when the two of you are alone and there's no one to witness it? Yes it will escalate.
2007-12-20 08:48:15 · answer #6 · answered by PhantomRN 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Violence always escalates-please get out of that situation-he's getting dangerously close to abusing your children!-that's the next level
2007-12-20 09:17:52 · answer #7 · answered by Lunaeclipz 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Leave him. Now. Take the kids and get out.
2007-12-20 08:45:12 · answer #8 · answered by KD 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmmmm......a tour through your previous questions explains alot!
2007-12-20 08:48:47 · answer #9 · answered by LilSunbeam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋