custody....?

Question

me and my husband are filing for a divorce. We have 2 kids together. I made an appointment to file for child custody and child support, my husband said that his lawyer told him that if i were to file for child support that he would have to pay 800 dollars a month. He said that theres a way where we can come to a mutual agreement about the kids. My husband asked me if i would agree to the kids living with me and leaving the custody "open" that way he can see the kids whenever he wanted. I dont mind that, i never planned on taking the kids from him and i told him that he could see the kids whenever he wanted. He also wanted to know if i would agree to 100 dollars a week instead of taking him to court for child support. My question is should i agree to that?? Because at first it didnt sit with me right cuz i didnt think there was such thing as "open custody". I just wanna be sure hes not trying to screw me over. Any advice??

Answer 1

TAKE IT FROM ME

I was married 14 years felt really guilty when I left my husband he was such a wonderful father and husband hhhhhhmmmmm

So I said ok judge just give me 500 a month and no alomony

8 years later

I regret it! Because now the kids need things and he is not father of the year anymore and he will not pay for crap!

Things change once that man no longer loves you your going to see the ugly in him!

Trust me my ex is a religouse man does not drink do drugs his culture kids are the life.
But when he got remarried his kids got dumped on and his new wife and baby get all his money.
I have to support the kids for everything.

So no do not feel sorry!

Answer 2

Open custody should be made into "joint custody" where the visiting is pretty well is on a regular basis, but open to special things, at the discretion of both of you. Now, as for the support. Whatever amount you guys agree to, make sure it is court ordered and goes thru the state- no matter what. If its court ordered, they'll get him if he gets behind. Even if you don't think he would ever do that, get it anyway. The kids deserve to be maintained in the order they are if they are with just one parent. The amount is up to you. Sit down and figure out what you can live on. If you lessen the amount, you could have added in the papers XXX amount monthly, and 1/2 of all ABC costs. But, the thing with that, if he decides not to pay 1/2 of ABC costs, you'll have court fee's to try and collect that.... So, I think its best to get a set amount, and let that be support, no matter what it is. For larger things, such as braces, major surgeries, then that would have to be stipulated also, or you'll wind up with those expenses. If he lawyer has told him it'll be 800/month, he pretty well makes enough to pay that. They base it on both salaraies.....

If you're afraid of being screwed over, let the attnys handle everything.. That way, when you guys sign the paperwork, everyone is on the same page as to the agreements and what to expect from the other. Good luck!

Answer 3

I say no, go the legal way, you need to have it all on paper and you need to let the court decide the child support amount based on his income for 2 kids which normally is 25% of his net income. You should also let the money be monitored by the child support disbursment office to avoid future conflict. You don't want to have to be asking him for the money or even discuss that with him.

As far as the custody, I would go for joint custody, let the court set the visitaiton schedule, which for the most part is standard, once you get it on the court order, you can allow him the extra time if you want, but take it from me, verbal agreements tend to fade away, at the beginning you compromise and have a friendly co parenting relationship for the sake of the children of course, but you never know how they will change after some time, once he gets what he wants down on the court order, you could (eventually) see a different person, Then you will have a lot of headaches, and will have to spend money to go back to court and make any changes.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

You can agree to anything you want and the courts will not have to be involved. This will save a lot of money in legal fees.

I am a little concerned with a couple of things in your situation. You should not take his word for what the court will order in terms of support. While this is formulaic (depending on state) there is generally some interpretation. What happens with health insurance, daycare, alimony, etc?

I am a big proponent of both parents having lots of time parenting the kids (instead of visiting which is not in their best interest), but leaving it totally open seems to me to leave lots of room for problems. Why not come up with a schedule that is predictable for all involved (including the kids) --- doesn't mean that you shouldn't be flexible.

I would recommend that you come up with what you would like to see happen and both agree to and write this up. Then have a lawyer you hire (not his lawyer) review and advise. With their experience negotiating agreements and the courts, they will be able to call out anything that could cause problems in the future and tell you if there is anything that is really unfair to you or the kids.

Answer 5

If you do any "open" custody then you waive your rights for child support. You need to do it by the book. You get custody and the $800 a month. You never know what will happen 6 months down the road. If he's a good father then there should be no problems with him seeing the kids whenever he wants. I think he is trying to keep from pay the full amount. Trust me...$100 a week doesn't even cut it. I'm owed $1,050 a month and I have never gotten the first dime. You really should get the entire amount. It will be better for the kids.

Answer 6

let the courts settle it for you. I'm sorry to say, and I don't know your ex, but he may be nice for now. If the court determine everything, then you have that to fall back on. There are things unforseen don't leave anything OPEN. You can always let him have the kids whenever he wants. But, its very difficult to get more support when you agree. Once you agree in the mediation, to go back and change ANYTHING you have to show a reason for change or substantial change. I am going through this. You can even give money back if you feel he is doing more than his part. But, get it in the court paper and don't agree to anything less then you want.

Answer 7

don't label "all" men together as there is a flip side to this. I could say ALL women want is the $$$ and they could care less about the father spending time with the kids....

The "right" thing to do is consult a lawyer so your legal rights are protected and think of both the short term and the long term of things as they WILL change once you meet someone and he meets someone, its just the way it works. Look at the agreements open minded and consider the best interest of the kids and their relationship with BOTH parents.

Answer 8

Wow, if I wasn't the ex here, I would almost wonder if we were talking about the same husband here :) My husband is asking the same of me, and I have to be honest, I don't feel comfortable doing it. If you agree to this, there is no going back unless you hire an attorney again. $400 a month for 2 kids is hardly enough, and if you agree to "open" or joint custody, then you will go to $800 guaranteed to way less because of the parenting time. I would seriously talk this over with your attorney, and just be very leary of it...but then again, you know better than us if you can trust him or not. I say don't do it!!!!

Answer 9

It sounds like all the advantage of that is on his side. Men often want "joint custody" so they pay less child support, but they see the kids only when they want to, and that is never when the kids need them, or are going through a bad time, or are sick, or need things.

I have never heard the phrase ''open custody''. My advice is, stick with the $800 a month and don't let him talk you into anything.

Answer 10

my ex did the same thing. and then filed for custody saying i must have felt that he was ok as a dad because i agreed to the open/joint custody. he then took my son away from me. (i was in collage at the time, on public assistance, rented apartment, and would have had to put my son in daycare while at school - he had a gf living with him who could 'care for' my son, and they lied saying they were buying a house, and he had a great job as chef at this restaurant - her mom owned it and they said she was going to give it to them when she retired in 3 years - so the judge thought he would be more financially and physically stable and be a better home even though i testified to his drinking and drug abuse, and to his physical abuse - hey if he was a great guy why would i leave?)

in the last 14 years, my visits have been limited because of lies told by them to dhs - this correlates to the times i have reported him for being dangerously under the influence when i go to drop off my son - taken away and supervised for a year (2 hours a month!) because they said i had threatened to kidnap my son when he was taken away from his dad when his dad beat him and she finally reported it - and the only reason she reported it was he was going to have her charged with kidnapping if she didn't come back... they placed my son with her as a foster care provider because she lied and told them she didn't know where i was, and i had called asking for him to be placed in another safer foster home.

now - i have a 16 year old son who because of the wonderful child rearing skills of his father and girlfriend has just been arrested for possession (alot), and has a 8 month old daughter from an ex girlfriend, is allowed to have his 18 year old girlfriend live with him, and got kicked out of school and the alternative school. the only thing he has going for him is he loves his child and doing his best to care for her and he is a hard worker.

i say this because you need to know what can happen so you can protect yourself and the kids best interests. do not trust anyone with your children. get your own lawyer. do not agree to anything or sign anything without your lawyer.
just because you have custody does not mean the visits can't be flexible.

child support is based on income. i was getting as little as $75 a month. they take your income and his, add it together and figure out how much expenses a child at that 'family income level' would reasonably use a month - divide that by 2 and you get the amount you should both be putting in to raising your children. he can get the amount that goes to you reduced by proving he is paying 100% of health ins, putting in to a collage fund, ect. but you should both be pitching in to help with the expenses of making sure the child has what they need. you are there with the kids every day. if he can afford 800 dollars a month, and is balking on paying it, one has to wonder about if he is really so disconnected about how much diapers and close cost and/or about his true character. his character is already under suspicion because of the divorce - why would a good man of character do something so bad his wife would leave - or why would she do something that would cause him to leave her if he was such a good man?

on the flip side of this - child support is not and should never be tied to visitation. if he slips out on paying it is even more important for the children they see him. they have to know daddy loves them.

co-parenting classes also help. the most important thing is that the children know their parents love them.

the pain of divorce is hard to deal with. please get the help you need so the 'ex' relationship you and your former husband has is as respectful and positive as it can be for the children.