Me and my husband have been married for alittle over 2 yrs and 4 mo. ago he told me he no longer was in love with me then started going out all hours i begged him to compromise or i'd go to my mothers so he could figure out what he wanted from me and i would wait for him to tell me to come home he didnt want to but wanted me to stay i made the decition to go 2 wks later i came back because i found out he started talking to some b****from work after threats of leaving him 5 he finally seems to have stopped (oh and threats to the girl) he swears they were just friends yet she said she loved him. he would come home and inniciate sex with me though. after the last time i found out I told him I was misserable knowing he was still talking to her and i couldnt live like that we switched numbers and she changed hers. her last words to me were he doesnt want me and no matter what he wont leave me or let me leave he convinces me to stay. we have a son and i love him so much
2007-12-20 08:29:32 · 8 answers · asked by theoretical 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the girl new he was married the entire time. he seems to have changed a bit yet i still it seems i annoy him when i express my feeling i know i can be a pain but how do i act when it hurt me so much i want to be with him though
2007-12-20 08:32:26 · update #1
I'm sorry you're going through this. If you're going to stay with him, just know that you're in for a really long haul and it will not be easy. You're going to be 'torn up' till you make some really hard decisions. You asked us to be gentle, but if I was your Mom, sis, best friend, I'd be holding your hand and begging you to face some truth here. B/c when people TRULY love you, they will not stand by and watch you get hurt, and watch someone deliberately and cruelly break your heart with no remorse. To be gentle means I have to dodge the truth so you can hear what you want to hear. I'll try really hard because I can feel your heartache from here.
Will it work? Sure. As long as you're willing to let go of all personal pride, be willing to stay torn up, don't ask questions, and be willing to give 90% while he only gives 10%. You might not be able to be the best mom, b/c in time you'll be an emotional puddle. But hey, at least you're making it work.
Does he love you? He said he didn't, but he's a liar, so who knows. What I do know is, THE ONE WHO LOVES THE LEAST HAS THE POWER. And he's definetly got the power. It's why you feel the void and it's why he's so indifferent toward you.
You mention him saying he want's you to stay, but I didn't see anywhere that he's apologized for anything he's done to you or for putting this kind of strain on your marriage. Nor has he admitted to being an absolute cad. I'm hesitant to advocate ending a marriage, especially with a child involved. However I do know that one person can NOT make a marriage work alone. The success of any marriage requires the sincere input from BOTH parties. Only you can make such an important call re: your future. You'll know when you've had enough.
Sweetheart, do yourself and your son a favor. Start by reading a book called "Women Who Love Too Much". It's an older book, but excellent for your situation. The author is Robin Norwood. Dr. Phil McGraw has some great books too. Get some personal counseling because you've been deeply hurt and you're feeling so confused (who wouldn't be). You can't make any solid decisions until you become less paralyzed and get your legs back under you. You have to work to get your personal power back, he will never treat you differently till you do.
Trust this, if anyone is going to be doing any leaving, YOU want to be the one making that call. I'm not suggesting that action, all I'm saying is it's a LOT easier being the dumper than being the dumpee. Get busy girl, and start empowering yourself. All the truth you need to know will come to you as you get stronger and clear your eyes. Regain the Goddess that God created you to be. God said, "Love thy self".
Read, read, read. Learn what a healthy relationship is and whether or not you have one, and how to create one if you don't. Hold and love that baby boy because he's counting on his Mommy to make sure he's raised in a stable, healthy, loving environment. One where he grows up marveling at his Mom's beautiful smile and happy laughter. May the Lord bless you greatly and bring you much happiness.
Merry Christmas Sweetheart.
2007-12-20 11:04:54 · answer #1 · answered by Horserider75 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should have been makin him go instead of u sayin u will wait...wait for what...wait for a new piece to come along...think about the fact that he says he didnt love her....then why in the hell would he risk losing things with you...the one he is supposed to love...for someone he doesnt care anything about. Besides if you cant trust him at work...where can u trust him...YOU CANT....probably 1 out of every 200 cheaters never do it again...do u think he is that lucky number 1??? Move on ..you deserve better then that. You deserve someone who rushes home to be with you..and stop askin what he wants and tell him what you want!
2007-12-20 16:39:46 · answer #2 · answered by so alone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is cheating on you and not showing you the love you deserve then what are you fighting for. Don't direct your anger towards the other woman because he is the one who has broken the contract and trust with you. Not her. You have to be strong enough within yourself to realize that you don't need him to live your life and care for you and your child. Once you have and feel this freedom then you will be yourself and he will love you more for it. Don't allow yourself to be a victim. Be stronger than that and rise above. If you do it and stay in your marriage then good for you. If you find the strength and feel you and your child would be better off without him then good for you. Don't circumvent your life out of convenience.
2007-12-20 16:37:27 · answer #3 · answered by No one 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you two should go to marriage counseling. If you both want to make it work, you should try. If that doesn't work, you need to think if you really want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Sometimes, no matter how much you love somebody, it's truly just not in the cards. You deserve respect, love, commitment, and to be able to trust your own husband.
2007-12-20 17:30:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for the sake of your son, I hope one of you decides to GROW UP! Poor kid, a lying cheat for a dad and an obsessive psycho for a mom. Would you consider putting him up for adoption so that he has a chance at a normal life?
2007-12-20 16:39:34 · answer #5 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really loved you he would not have cheated. I really can't answer the rest of this, but I don't see how it could work & you be HAPPY.
Life is to short to be miserable. Move on sister & try to find happiness on your own. Good luck.
2007-12-20 16:36:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sucks but you cant keep someone who doesnt want to be kept. As much as it hurts sometimes it's in your best interest to move on.Just because you love him doesnt mean you should be with him
Good luck to you & your child
2007-12-20 16:35:56 · answer #7 · answered by mommyof2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HE IS STUPID, WHAT WOULD HE SAID IF YOU HAD SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!
JUST LET HIM GO, THATS MY OPINION.
GOOD LUCK
2007-12-20 16:36:43 · answer #8 · answered by BRO. SAL 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋