Should I forgive my friends?

Question

These two ppl have been friends with me for over 5 years but they have recently been really disapointing me.Should I forgive them for what they did,or learn that friendships change and move on?They are sisters and live together. I wanted to see guy strippers for my 21st birthday becuase i've never done that before and love trying new things.I had told them for over a month that that's what I wanted to do, and a week before the celebratiion date I had the table booked and the plans made. But they ditched out on my birthday celebration-1 HOUR-before we were all sopposed to leave. With no remorse they both decided not to go to my birthday! I'll write the whole situation at the bottom, but what it comes down to is that they ditched a supposed BFF for her birthday. Please read the whole situation and tell me if I should forgive, if they were right for not comming, or if I should just learn to move on?

So I've told them for over a month that I wanted to see guy strippers(I 'm a girl after all). I wanted a really small and 'close friend only' party so I only invited them and this one girl from work which is quickly becoming a close friend of mine.I asked them all what day was best for them all(work, school, appointment etc..) and the best day was a tuesday, which was perfect because one bar was having a mr.xmas contest that day. Everybody agreed to go that day, and that it was the best day".So a week before the day I made all the plans,got a free birthday package(with free drinks, table,no line,and no cover).Then the day of I went shopping with one of them and helped them find xmas presents for family and just hung out, later my BFF phones me and asks "OMG what's going on today? I asked my sister and she has no idea either" I told them the plans I had ALREADY told them, then she asks "where is this place?" -

I answered that I had the address and a map, and that I already knew the area it was in. Her response was "SO what's going on? It's not planed at all? I don't like not knowing whats going on"..WTF? I told her it's planned, and told her the plans AGAIN. Then later that day as I'm getting ready and an HOUR before we were all supposed to meet, my BFF phones me "So what is the places website? OMG there is nothing going on today!" After explaining that their on the wrong cities site, I asked them how ready they were and if we should meet ealiear or later "I'm not ready at all" me-so how long will it take you? "about 50min but then I'll be late catching the bus to met you guys so we will be really late!" me-o.k just do what you need and phone me back. 10minutes later "OMG the girls on this site are all so slutty and pretty, and the guy strippers are UGLy why didn't you warn us before?"

me-ALL bar websites only show the super hot, slutty dressed girls on them, and guy strippers ALWAYS have over hulky bodies, this is for fun! "but ppl are going to be walking around in bra's,and the place is going to be packed,and we're gonna look so ugly compared to them, and do you REALLY believe you'll be able to skip the line and have no cover?...OMG look at that one, he's so ugly, My sisters not comming I'm not going to let her come(age 23).Also I work at 2pm tommorow I need to sleep early" me-K.I'm not going to force anybody that doesn't want to go to go, I phoned the bar to make the reservation do you want me to ask them if it's free again? I asked what day was best and everybody said tuesday. we have to meet in an hour and you aren't even getting ready and your on the comptuer looking at websites, If you don't want to go you don't have to but I need an answer

"STOP! Why are you being so rude!? All I have to do is fix up my makeup but I'm all dressed, and YOU didn't tell me to look on the website and I DIDN'T have time to check it out, You have no right to be so rude! and you won't get the free package YOUR stupid if you think you will especially for only 4 people" me-it's less then an hour before we have to leave, you TOLD me you were NOT READY AT ALL and you keep complaining about how horrible it will be, THAT is being rude. If you don't want to go just tell me, but I have to let the other person know whats going on. "Fine well we don't want to got, we'll be stranded and I'M in a bad mood and won't have fun at all, we'll only go if you obligate us to go, if you force us to go, you have to say 'I want you guys there' do you want us there?" me-well, your my BFF's so of course I want you to come why else would I invite you? "SO you are DEMANDING that we come correct?"

me-do i have to beg my BFF's to come to my own birthday party? If you don't want to come don't. phone me back in 10min after thinking it through. "yay...we don't want to go, you can just go with that person from work" me-(on the verge of crying) fine(hangup). cry abit then phone the other girl and explain that my BFF's have bascially ditched me and if she still wants to go as only two people, she's fine with it and I try to make up for lost time and get readly super quick. As I'm about to leave my BFF phones"HEY I was just on the gay bar site(She is straight) and they have an amateur strip night for gay guys, lets do that instead!" Me-I'm already leaving "Oh.. you decided to go with that girl from work? o.k have fun bye!" my BFF is 20(Canada legal is 18) and her sister is 23...I also DID get all my free party stuff and it WAS super fun...especially the ninja/spy/fire dancer stripper....Should I forgive my friends or are they just inconsiderate? My BFF is Bi-polar but she is on meds.

Answer 1

You should forgive but that does not mean the friendship has to be the same. Choose to forgive and move on if thats what you want. The choice is yours

Answer 2

I think perhaps you should forgive but before doing so ask them what the? Why did they ditch out on you when you had told them of the plans a number of times any time of which they could have said that they did not want to go.

Just state that you are disappointed that your friendship didn't mean more and then see what happens after that. The response will tell you if they are worth the bother.

Answer 3

it may have been that your friends were uncomfortable with going to see strippers from the start and didn't want to tell you. you should talk to them about it and find out why they didn't come.

you can forgive someone and at the same time choose not to be close friends with them anymore. if your friends are upsetting you and constantly making you feel bad then I'd say go that route and find some new friends or you'll just get hurt worse.

Answer 4

Ya, I agree with M.B., move on ,they don't give a f--k about you, you need to keep the friend at work, find new ones there all over the place. The sisters seem to be too self involved with their own lives, sounds like you could do a lot better.
Well good luck, find some good people !!!!!!!

Answer 5

They're playing stupid with you. I have 17 years of experience with betrayal, lies, and stalling. I know what it feels like. I know I'm young, but I know a thing or 2 about being there for someone. I know what it feels like to be stood up on a birthday. The thing I did was confront them face to face and ask them where we stand. If they say, "I don't know," that's a sign that you should just move on. I'm sure things will work out for you. You seem like a tough person, who knows what they want. I'm sure they'll look up for you. :-)

Answer 6

Your friends sound clueless and self-centered, but they did make an effort - however belated and half-hearted - to attend your birthday.

So I think you just need to lower your expectations for these two. Some people are conscientious about attending event and supporting - other people are flaky and may float in and out of your life. It doesn't mean they don't care about you, it just means they are too flaky to ever put your needs before their own.

So these two could stay your friends, but you should definitely consider finding someone else to be your BFF.

Answer 7

That is kinda bitchy what your friends did, i mean it was your birthday and your supposed to be spoiled and treated really nicely not be forgotten about. Maybe you should hang about with the other girl you invited from your work,for just a while and see whether they apologise or feel jealous about your new friendship then see whether you are ready to forgive.

Answer 8

there is a saying"love one come and go but friends are for ever". yes they could have gone and help you enjoy your birthday.give them a second chance and let them know how great it was .also let them know you wished they were there to see all the hotties.it will make them feel bad but yet may be they will relize that some times just being with your friends is just as fun as anything else.

Answer 9

If you had fun, then no harm done. You might have had more fun with them there, but if they would have had an attitude, then it was best they didn't go. Forgive and forget, but if they do it again, then I would go do what I wanted to do, and not worry about asking them to go. Stay friends, but just don't wrap your life around them.

Answer 10

i think you should give it a while first, see how they react to you being mad, then if they are really upset that you are upset-forgive them. however, if they arent at all worried about it then they must not be true friends. just explain to them that what they did was wrong and explain how you feel, you never want to just give them the cold shoulder because then they will turn it around on you and be mad at you!