I am very much in love. He wants to marry me. I have reasearched bipolar disorder, but still worry about our future. He has accumulated debts, poor hygiene, bad time management, and on occassion seems distant. Through baby steps I have seen great improvement, but my family and friends worry about me. I worry about him. I want to marry this man but get little support. I am not asking whether I should marry him, but want to know about people who are married. How do you make it work? When does it get hard? Have you noticed any difference in your marriage when compared to others?
2007-12-20 08:24:47 · 9 answers · asked by BIRDY85 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My oldest son was with a bipolar girl for a few years off and on. I was terrified of having bipolar grandchildren. Everytime that they broke up was hard on him. After a while they would miss each other and get back together. I think in the long run he was just wasting his time.
2007-12-20 08:36:56 · answer #1 · answered by William A 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was married to a bi-polar guy for 3.5 years. Our relationship was good - all the way up to the moment it imploded. Apparently, he got restless - and eventually left for someone else; then he left her for someone else, and now he's with yet another new person, all within the last 7 years. Ours was the longest relationship he's ever been in (5 years). At the time we were getting divorced, I found out that all of our credit cards were maxed out, car payments weren't being made, and there were several credit cards I didn't even know about. All of this is still on my credit report. Don't get me wrong, he was a great person; he would have defended me with his life if it came to that. He's still a friend, 7 years after our divorce; but thinking back I now realize that he really wansn't "husband material"; I didn't know much about the bipolar disorder when I married him, and it is likely that I would have married him even if I had known more. But certain traits that he owed to his disease also made him - not a "bad person" - but unfit for a long-term relationship. Just be realistic, and acknowledge the chances you're taking. There are also some practical measures you can take to help manage the disorder - making sure he takes his meds, taking charge of the finances, keeping him on track in achieving your common goals. You have to realize that in some way, it will always be like having an oversized teenager around; you will have be a responsible adult.
2007-12-20 08:57:36 · answer #2 · answered by Sandy Ego 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was married when I was 20 to my husband who was 20 and bi-polar. The whole experience was turmoil and last only 9 months together. We were divorced after 3 years. He is now on his 3rd marriage. It is very difficult. The mood swings can be so hard to gauge and if they don't take their medicine, they can become very combative and resistant. There is also the possibility of violence and it is such a power and control issue. Think very long and hard about how you will be connected to this person before taking the step of marriage. If there is a support group for bi-polar persons in your area, ask if he would be willing to go with you and try to network that way-plus then you will have some local resources. I wish you both the best. He is very fortunate to have your love, and you his.
2007-12-20 08:31:03 · answer #3 · answered by curiositycat 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you know all this about him and still want to marry him then you have the motivation to make the relationship work. Is he as accepting of you as you are of him?
When he is distant, remember that it is the disease and don't take it personally. Keep in mind that you will be his wife. This does not make you his therapist, doctor or Savior. He needs to take responsibility of maintaining his own mental health so he may be a partner to you. Most people with bi-polar disorder do well WHEN they take their medication.
My husband is a recovering addict with ADHD. There are days (like today) that I have to remember that I knew this about him when I married him.
2007-12-20 08:48:55 · answer #4 · answered by Kathy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not married to a bi-polar man, but my son is bi-polar and I am right in the middle of the mess he has with his fiancee. Actually he is in prison. She has two children with him. Before he went into prison, he had everything you have mentioned except the poor hygiene. He has poor impulse control. He can't handle money. He is a dreamer and schemer. It gets hard when you can't depend on him. When he is distant, that is the down part of the bi-polar. There is only one thing that will help him get on the road to recovery, and that is medication so that his mind can be clear enough to focus on his problems and, if you and he are so inclined, on you. This will never be easy, but it can be done. You must realize that you might be shuffled into a caretaker position in this relationship, which shifts things from romance to responsibility. As a mother, I can only say, I love my son, but he has not done right by his lady and his children and it is because he refused to take meds.
2007-12-20 08:41:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
My ex is bi-polar. Wouldn't take his meds, when he did he mixed 'em with alcohol.....got so bad his own shrink wouldn't see him unless I came along to verify what was being said...and I got to dole out his meds, which he managed to mess with anyway....of course non of this was his fault 'cause he knew better than all the dr's...needless to say he's an ex........not because of the bi-polar but how he chose to be irresponsible over his management of it.
2007-12-20 08:48:46 · answer #6 · answered by The Original GarnetGlitter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bi-polar is not a bad thing as long as they take their medicine. I have been on medicine for many years for my bi-polar and I am fine.
2007-12-20 08:28:09 · answer #7 · answered by faith 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's like watching a horror movie that NEVER ENDS!!
2007-12-20 08:40:19 · answer #8 · answered by LilSunbeam 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
it's love and management. that's it. if u can do those things together then u will be fine and happy
2007-12-20 08:30:33 · answer #9 · answered by jade4e83 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
RUN LIKE HELL! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? GET THE HELL OUT WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-12-20 08:29:22 · answer #10 · answered by irish_jimmy 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋