to realize that their spouse isn't what they want after all?
I'm not talking about me---we're quite happy---but a mate of mine is now not happy with her man, meanwhile he was a dork before the kid, why do people think a kid would change a person that much?!
2007-12-20 08:06:07 · 25 answers · asked by Yummy♥Mummy 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh, I know what you mean!! It must just take some people THAT LONG to wake up and smell the coffee!
2007-12-20 08:10:18 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ тнє σяιgιиαℓ gιяℓfяι∂αу ♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe that they know the person's character before they marry or decide to stay with that person. In order to try not to convince themselves that they might have made a mistake, they assume that they child can make a person better either it's being more responsible, more caring, or more loving not just b/c they should show this to their child, but to the spouse as well. What they fail to realize is that they can not change a person to who they want them to be. They have to change for themselves. Also, if they communicated there expectations in the relationship early instead of trying to please or impress the person, they would of realized that this person isn't going to change no matter what. They don't talk about the future of the relationship but play it by ear. If couples communicated their expections, they would realize that bringing a child into the world would not change a thing. The only person that suffers is the child.
2007-12-20 16:37:56 · answer #2 · answered by bitterly_sweetness 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because kids do change people. Your locked in, so many think that the parents will do what it takes to make it work for the sake of the child. A lot of people are one way before a kid and another after. The same goes when dating, and after marriage. People change then too. You hear a lot of...youre not the one i fell in love with stuff. Same deal. People also change what they want. Maybe ur mate was happy with the dorky husband she married, but now isn't happy with the dorky father her kids have. ANd sometimes you don't realize what u did until after everything's all settled down and everyone's complacent. This is y many do divorce after twenty some years of marriage, because after the kids are gone, they find they have nothing to be together for. The kids are what held them together. This is not a situation where they stayed for the kids...this is the situation where the kids were their only commonality...and they were held together...the attraction was there. But now w/o it, they have no glue to bind them anymore.
2007-12-20 16:18:41 · answer #3 · answered by Uncertain Soul 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Most people think that a kid will bring the 2 of them closer or that a kid will save their marriage.
Truth here is that men have a baby with their wife or girlfriend so that they never can officially lose their woman and will always have to be in some contact with them. And women have a baby with their man so that they can improve or be closer to their man as a family.
Both are not good reasons but humans need security and by creating another life they think that it will bring them this sense of happiness and security.
2007-12-20 16:11:29 · answer #4 · answered by Alan W 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not sure, but they do think it will change things (Living proof of that right here!). Many times it's that they are looking for a common bond to hold on to. Sometimes it takes time- my parents had 4 kids and were married over 20 years before they figured it out!
2007-12-20 16:43:08 · answer #5 · answered by KD 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe because a woman changes alot after having a child. That people still hope it will have the same effect on the father, but it hardly ever does. That and that peoples priorities change after they have kids. And maybe they now realize that their partner isnt what they thought they were.
2007-12-20 16:10:48 · answer #6 · answered by jennababe_68 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's one thing to subject yourself to the spouse, but once you have kids you want so much better for them. Some people also think that their spouse would have changed after having kids.
2007-12-20 17:11:00 · answer #7 · answered by kimandryan2008 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, pretty common. Because pre-kids, everything is still loveydovy, and it's not much different then before. But post-kids, wow! it's a big change. Kids takes a lot of time, effort, responsibility and commitment. It's the ultimate test.
2007-12-20 16:14:59 · answer #8 · answered by Jessica C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think people really believe in the power of attachment, even though attachment has no power. People are always thinking that if they have a kid, the husband or wife will suddenly stop being verbally or physically abusive and that it will save their marriage. Just like people think that if you ignore how inconsiderate your partner is before you marry, that it will all get better... It never gets better, it does get worse.
I think its human nature to believe positively...
2007-12-20 16:20:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My sister was that way. She thought she could change him after they had my niece. Only having him get worse and mentally and physically abusive. Which has now damaged not only my sister, but also my niece for life. In every person there is some difference. You just need to know how to spot it before you regret it.
2007-12-20 22:24:33 · answer #10 · answered by SKB11 Kitty-Kong!!! 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe because the partner was still acting like a partner and had interest in being in a marriage before the kids.
2007-12-20 17:50:07 · answer #11 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋