I'm a husband that has an addiction to porn. I slipped after 6 months of therapy and being good, and really need her forgiveness so we can move on. I know I've deeply hurt her. To her it's like I've cheated. I know I'm responsible. I know I suck - I just need some help to win her back. I'm going to quit, but those that have overcome addictions know how hard it can be, especially when you are really trying to find your personality failings - why I went to porn in the first place.
I really need her support to recover. I know she really needs some support to recover from what I've done. I want to help where I can.
Actions speak louder that words, but what actions can you do for someone who doesn't even want to talk to you anymore?
Any ideas from people who've had to forgive their husbands for similar things?
2007-12-20 07:50:57 · 15 answers · asked by Steve 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've told her too many times - Never Again.
The therapy has helped, but I need more, I know that. I'm going to do it.
But what else can I do?
2007-12-20 07:56:22 · update #1
I'm a computer programmer. I provide a living for my family on a computer. Any blocks I could get around anyway. I've been a programmer for 15 years - it'd be hard to retrain, but maybe I should.
2007-12-20 07:58:32 · update #2
Keep the therapy going and have your wife come to a couple of sessions. She needs to understand that overcoming any addiction is not as easy as a couple of therapy sessions and you are good.
She also needs to understand that porn is not cheating. Calling it cheating is like calling a movie with sex scenes in it cheating. That is just too much of a stretch.
Take care,
Troy
2007-12-20 08:06:09 · answer #1 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was your wife I would need to see you erase all the porn from the hard drive on the PC and put parental blocks on to block those sites. Then I would need to see you destroy all of the porn mags you may have. Then just maybe you two can work on moving forward. Flowers and candy won't do it for a situation like this.
Best of luck.
2007-12-20 07:57:18 · answer #2 · answered by Mieshah H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actions are louder than words and she has to know that you are giving your all to quit. I respect that you have been honest with her. Addictions are hard and I dont understand an addiction to Porn but she feels betrayed by it and thats what counts. Start by being honest and truly sorry, spend more time making her feel important and worthwhile. The woman in your life matters more than an image of ANYONE.
2007-12-20 08:10:22 · answer #3 · answered by Beth66 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you are sorry. Tell her that you really need her support. Tell her that you are not going to make anymore promises that you do not know if you can keep but you are trying. When you feel like you are going to slip, ask her for help. Kind of like when alcoholics call their sponsor when they want a drink. Tell her that you are really trying and that this is the hardest thing that you have ever had to do. Good luck.
2007-12-20 08:28:26 · answer #4 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right. Actions do speak louder than words. Get yourself into therapy now. That will show your wife you're serious about wanting to change, and not just saying the things she wants to hear so she'll forgive you.
2007-12-20 07:54:52 · answer #5 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WoW do i know where your wife is coming from, my husband is too a programmer and likes to look at his porn, it was especially hard because he worked from home, so in my mind i thought he was just home jerkin it all the time, why because we women think the worst.
But i too like your wife talked to him and told him i had a problem with it too. How it made my think negaticly about myself because my husband would look at porn when he could easily had me. Once he understood he cut back 90%, now i know that guys like porn thats just how it is. But he changed with the attetion and affection he was giving me.
He began to call just to say hi or i love/thinking of you, texting me more often, letting me on his computer when i needed to (and not say he needed to finish something so hed have time to deleate something.) we would go out more, spend more time together. And thats all that it took for me to feel more secure and trust him more. Show her attention, because she is most likely lacking that from you, and thinking you spend more time on the computer. so love and attention and going out of your way to do little things for her will make her more at ease.
2007-12-20 08:08:14 · answer #6 · answered by jennababe_68 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An addiction to porn is like an addiction to cigarettes, you can work this out with your wife, you must believe in yourself and visualize yourself living a happy romantic life with your wife !
All The Best
Jordan
2007-12-20 08:01:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Acknowledge her right to be hurt. Quit trying to play nice and beg for forgiveness. She may not be in a position to give you the support you need due to her feelings of confusion and betrayal. Continue working in your therapy and include her when appropriate.
2007-12-20 07:58:48 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs proof! You need to tell her what you told us. That you need her forgiveness and support so that you can stop this sick behavior. Why turn to porn when you can see your wife who you love and care about naked? I'd do alot of sucking up and proving to her that you will stop and overcome your addiction. Good luck to both of you.
2007-12-20 07:59:45 · answer #9 · answered by ~Sara~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best way to ask for forgiveness is to explain to her that you understand what you have done. Until she feels that you can comprehend what she is going through she will not take your apologies seriously. Put yourself in her shoes and tell her what you would expect to hear if the roles were reversed.
2007-12-20 08:02:55 · answer #10 · answered by kevin m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋