Is your spouse looking at porn justification for divorce?

Question

I'm trying to quit, but she's thinking about leaving me.

I admit I'm an addict - going to therapy. But I slipped after 6 months. To be fair I've slipped a few times of the last few years... How many time should she put up with it?

Other than this issue, our marriage has been blissful. When I finally confessed to everything I had been "hiding in the closet" I saw our marriage really strengthen. But I've screwed up again. Should she leave me?

Very little time is wasted. I've been on the road of recovery for several years. I love her, and am attracted to her. When Life gets stressful and hard, I slip. Especially when I get shrugged off by her "not being in the mood". I guess I kind of feel rejected. But this is serious! I want to keep our marriage. I want to recover. I need help.

Thanks for your help.

I'm going to quit... it's just a matter of time. I need to figure out why I turn to porn in the first place despite what I know. I know it hurts her.

I am a productive Husband. I provide. spend very little time (1 -2 hours a year to my addiction). But that's still too much. I slipped, and she's seemingly done with me.

I'm not looking for justification. But I've gone, and will continue to go to therapy - I'm working to overcome my failings. I wish she could just see it through.

Answer 1

You should be more concerned about your wife's feelings than you are about answers on this web site. Just because people say "no" will not make your wife feel any better inside. You need to quit porn because it is breaking down your marriage, it makes your wife feel like she is not good enough for you and it will affect her more than you realize. No wife should have to deal with her husband satisfying his fantasies on porn. Don't go by the answers on here... go by what your wife is telling you that she feels. Good luck and I hope you can get out of porn and direct those desires to your beautiful wife!

Answer 2

2

Answer 3

It's a difficult thing for some people to accept. A lot of women feel like it's cheating. I don't know how much you do it. An occasional look at it would hopefully not be a big deal. It also depends on whether you take care of yourself while you're doing it and then you don't need or desire to be with your wife. I've also heard of people who are so addicted to it, they end up fired from their jobs because they can't stop looking at it at work.

The real issue here is your spouse is bothered by it. You need to try to understand why she feels that way. It can be like any other addiction. It's a problem when it causes you a problem at home, at work, in your relationship, etc. You may not see it as an issue but it is an issue if it's causing a problem.

Ok, so it looks like you admit you're addicted. I'll be honest with you here. Honestly, if my S/O were addicted to it, it could very possibly be enough to make me walk away. There's a difference between looking at it on occasion (once or twice a week) and looking at it daily sometimes for hours at a time. I mean, come on, after a while - what is new about what your seeing? And, if you're using it to help you take care of yourself, your probably not giving her what she deserves.

If you really want to save your marriage and this is bothersome for her, you need to find a way to quit or you very well could lose her.
Good luck to both of you.

Answer 4

I agree that it can become an addiction in which case it becomes classified as an illness. I am going against the trend here but what the hell. I can understand male youths interest in porn mags, what with raging testosterone, curiosity etc. But grown men? Cmon fellows how many variations are there in boobs and genitalia? By this stage it is more than curiosity or interest, it is generally about power and control and sex that is outside what is, in general, considered acceptable berween most couples. I don't wish to be graphic but you can guess what I mean. For a wife or partner who does not share your enthusiasm can you imagine what this must make them feel?
Men, imagine if it was the other way round, you had little or no interest in porn and your woman was addicted, spent her free time looking at mens paraphernalia and fantasising about all sorts...... OOpps there in lies the fundamental difference..... Men find that a turn on.....Sorry but women can be the horniest of beasts without needing porn, the biggest turn on for any woman is knowing her man has eyes and appetite for no one but her, you should be sooo busy seeing to her and your needs there is no time for anything else. .

Answer 5

Short answer- porn is not justification for divorce.

Better answer- divorce needs no justification.

I'll give you my working definitions for obsession and addiction.

An obsession is something you do a lot for your own reasons. For me, it could be chess or jogging or sci-fi books. For you it could be swimming or chocolate or porn.

An obsession becomes an addiction when it adversely affects the rest of your life.

If I neglect my family and job just to study chess, for me chess is an addiction. If I succeed in work and raise good kids, but most of my free time is in chess, then it's merely an obsession.

If your marriage is shaky because you can't stay away from porn, it's an addiction. Sure, it's not an illegal substance like heroin, but it's an addiction. Behavior modification has some chance of success, but you need to get a counselor and stick with a program. And like smoking, you may need more than one try at losing this behavior.

Good luck and have a good Christmas.

Answer 6

Well, some could view it as "adultery".... and some have no problem with it.

I think mainly it depends on whether your wife is disturbed by it or not. If she is and she's asked you to stop or make other arrangements and you haven't, then yes, maybe so.... it just depends on any understanding you and she have together. Anything can be a justification for divorce to someone who a. isn't getting their needs met or b. is being confronted with a "deal breaker", such as porn, in the relationship.

Answer 7

I have a feeling we're not getting the whole story here. I mean how often are you watching it? Are you addicted to it to the point that every day activities are suffering? Are you paying more attention to the porn than her? Are you expecting her to act out things you see on screen that she's not comfortable with? I mean there has to be more to this story than this b/c if you're just casually watching it now and then , then of course a divorce on those grounds alone is ridiculous.

Answer 8

I would leave my husband for a porn addiction! I didn't say I would divorce him but I would move to my dad's house until he straightened up his sh*t. Porn can be a REALLY BAD thing in a relationship when the views on how to use porn are not the same, it can make her feel inferior, unattractive, undesirable and less of a woman WHY DO YOU WANT TO MAKE HER FEEL THAT WAY IF YOU LOVE HER. Just give it up and go to her with your fantasies.

Answer 9

Pornography is an addiction...she should try to understand that and stick with you through it. No it is not a justification for divorce. There is a book out called "Every Man's Battle". It would be good to read it...maybe she should too. It does have a religous take on the matter. If you are ok with that...I would recommend reading it.

Answer 10

I don't think so everyone at some point in their life has looked and porn. It may not be something right but it's not like they are cheating on you??? Just talk to them and find out what the reason for this is maybe they're aren't ummm satisfied??