Ok, so this woman is married, has 2 kids in their late teens, and a husband she's been married to for around 18 years or so.
According to her, there is nothing left of the marriage. They don't fight, they don't have sex for the past ten years or so, they have ended up more like brother and sister, or just good friends. They run the house together, they take care of the kids together, the home seems to be stable and caring, and the kids are turning out really great as far as I can see (and everyone who knows them says that too).
But, there is no "in love" going on with each other, and they are planning on ending the marriage when the kids are grown. They both agree.
The wife became involved with a man online five years ago and they spend hours every day together online or on the phone when the husband and kids aren't home. They plan to marry even though they have never been together in person, after her kids are grown.
Do you think this woman is wrong, and is cheating?
2007-12-20 07:04:17 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The husband and wife have virtually nothing in common. They don't like the same things, sports, music, politics, food, clothing, nothing. The only thing they have in common in their entire lives, is their kids. They do have similar values and morals.
2007-12-20 07:05:39 · update #1
Please remember too, the wife and her online man have never been together in person. So is this really an affair?
2007-12-20 07:06:49 · update #2
Troy, I'd think a horrible marriage as an example for their kids would be something very different than this, like fighting all the time and hatred between the spouses. There is nothing like that in their household. This married couple are good friends and treat each other as good friends. They are just not in love as husband and wife and haven't been for many, many years.
2007-12-20 07:43:02 · update #3
An affair starts in the heart and mind of an individual. You can according to the bible be unfaithful just by desiring another. So I guess she is cheating, but with that said, in this case I don't see a problem if they are that distant to one another and have already planned on a divorce. I would encourage them to seek the divorce before the kids get older and then feel guilty the rest of their lives because mom and dad were miserable and stayed together because of them. They will or may feel guilty about that. I think that if they are that unlike and are just going through the motions the kids will understand. How sad to spend any part of our short lives here living unhappily because of the kids.
Yoda out
2007-12-20 07:23:17 · answer #1 · answered by Yoda 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, she is cheating in my opinion. She has replaced her husband already in her heart. She plans to marry another and she is not yet divorced. She is still living her life as another man's wife, she has his name, resides in the home they share, and if they don't have sex, that doesn't mean the marriage is dead, and it certainly isn't the green light to involve herself with another man even if it is not physical. Adultery does not have to be carried out in the physical, because it can be carried out without ever touching another, in the mind/heart.
What I think is that your question and story are SAD, how horrible that they couldn't find a way to fall back in love with one another, or find restoration of passion within their own union. But, then again, for the past 5 years, she has allowed another to distract her from that, so who knows whether or not there could have been a chance?
2007-12-20 15:21:18 · answer #2 · answered by Daisy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely!! An affair can be emotional and/or physical. Physical is not the only way that an affair can exist.
By the way, these parents are not doing their children any favors. They are showing their children a horrible example of marriage. The odds are also high that the children are fully aware of the mother's online affair. They are definitely aware of their parents marriage. They see that as what marriage should be.
Take care,
Troy
2007-12-20 15:14:07 · answer #3 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I'd consider that an affair. Why stay together for the kids? Especially when they are in their late teens! That is ridiculous. They are still LEGALLY married. Not to mention, HOW can you be in love with someone you have never met. That is insane.
2007-12-20 15:15:54 · answer #4 · answered by Queen of Beer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's an emotional affair. And to stay together "for the kids" is disgusting. Kids are NOT DUMB...I don't know when people are going to understand this. If the kids are in their "late teens" they are old enough to understand and comprehend the loss of love. That's beside the point I guess...YES, it is an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR, which in my book, is WORSE than a physical one.
2007-12-20 15:51:53 · answer #5 · answered by laura1977 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course its an affair even if its not in person a line has been crossed. That is such a cop out if its over what is keeping her in the house?She does not love her husband so is not being fair living with him. Cake and eat it springs to mind. What would we say if you were talking about a bloke.?exatcly!
2007-12-20 15:16:09 · answer #6 · answered by Sarah C 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't matter what the relationship is like between the husband and wife. They both took vows before God and should keep them. If she doesn't love her husband it's better to let him go rather than commit adultery against him. So to answer your question, YES she is cheating...period.
2007-12-20 15:13:36 · answer #7 · answered by Cranberry 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how it's possible to cheat if there's only a shell of a relationship... It's not a real relationship and there's nothing physical going on for anyone so that's really hard to judge as cheating...
2007-12-20 15:13:36 · answer #8 · answered by mrskerlin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The whole situation is wrong, and yes it is cheating. My suggestion is for the husband and wife go to counseling to to save their marriage; because there is nothing out there especially in cyber space.
2007-12-20 15:12:39 · answer #9 · answered by pradavee 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if she hasn't had sex with her husband that long and they are only running the house together she should go for it she needs love as well as her kids and what the hell he is probably seeing someone else i'm sorry but nobody can do without that long
2007-12-20 15:22:13 · answer #10 · answered by inloveinTN 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋