my heart is breaking because i would like my family to get along
2007-12-20 07:03:20 · 9 answers · asked by lanek 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If your kids are grown, then they are adults, and you cannot MAKE them do anything. Siblings don't get along regardless, so whatever's going on now is far less likely to be resolved than a playground spat or sibling rivalry.
To be perfectly honest with you, I'm 40, and this past summer I disowned both my brother and my sister. I've not spoken to either of them since August, and I have absolutely no intention of doing so in the very near future, if ever. I despise them, their morals, ethics, views and standpoints. It seems impossible to me that we were all raised by the same parents. At this point I view them as mistaken connection by genetics and nothing more.
2007-12-20 07:08:17 · answer #1 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
A few years ago we had a Christmas where all the kids came to our house with their families. We only have one spare bedroom so they were all over the place. Nitpicking each other continued until Christmas Eve where everything blew up there was almost a physical fight between my husband's daughter and my daughter. We ended up telling everybody there's going to be no Christmas here and everybody had to leave. My husband and I came close to suffering during the whole mess I think on the last couple years it hurt him and I more than it did the two girls. The wounds never completely heal the girls have made peace with each other but the scars still remain.
2015-10-26 14:21:05 · answer #2 · answered by Vicky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids are adults. They are responsible for their own behavior and you can't make them do anything. They have their own reasons for not wanting to see each other. Sometimes it's better that they keep their distance instead of fighting all the time.
When you become and adult you start living your own life by your own rules. Sometimes kids grow apart and are busy living their own lives. It is more difficult when they also live different lifestyles and different states. Adults do not see eye to eye and have their own opinions on life.
Even though you would like your family to get along, it doesn't mean that you are at fault. You may want to re-channel your attention to your relationship with each of your kids individually. Maybe in time they will reconnect.
There is nothing wrong with trying to have a family get together on occasion and hopefully they will show up and put their differences aside. But, try hard not to allow yourself to get depressed if it doesn't go that way. (easier said than done.)
My mother is in the same boat as you. I tell my mom that it's NOT her fault and I understand that she is trying to "repair" the family. I still tell my mom that I love her and I thank her for the way she raised me. Even though I do not have much to do with my 5 sisters and 4 brothers, I know they also love her. She keeps a healthy relationship with each of us. She also tries small family get togethers. Sometimes we show and sometimes only some of us do.
2007-12-20 07:23:19 · answer #3 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My brothers age 35 and34 fell out last year and had a massive row at my mum and dads. Dad told them that they weren't welcome if that is how they want to carry on. the younger one now won't speak to brother and has only just started talking to dad. they send each other threatening texts , ring us up and slaq the other off. Its killing my parents and they just don't give a dam they are so wrapped up in there selves they can't see the effect its having on them. The rest of us have tried to get them talking but have been told where to go. Its even sadder because we nearly lost my mum to cancer and my dad has had several heart attacks. I often think they will feel so bad wheen mum and dad are gone. They are adults and all we can do is keep on at them. Try not to take it to heart and hopefully they will snap out of it.good luck.
2007-12-20 07:12:21 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah C 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's true that you can not make your adult children like each other. Fortunately my children have grown up to like one another. But I know families where the adult siblings do not get along all of the time. It just happens and you can't change it.
Enjoy each of them alone.....
2007-12-20 07:20:47 · answer #5 · answered by ♥♥The Queen Has Spoken♥♥ 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i have 4 kids. sense i am poor, they all spend christmas with their gf/or bf
s familys. but this year they all came here for thanksgiving. my daughter is the oldest, she is the drama queen. My son, her full bro, is also a drama dude. I feel they both compete even if for something very small. They ruin my day! My other 2 sons were great. it's like they have matured years ahead of these 2.
2007-12-20 07:08:52 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is very sad, but you are making your own heart break. These are adults who have made their choices...what you want is not what they need. Get a grip and take responsibility for your own happiness. Children are not property. I don't mean to be harsh... but the more you let go... the more good you'll see! Hugs, Gina C.
2007-12-20 08:00:54 · answer #7 · answered by Gina C 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yes i do i have a step daughter that wants my kids to kiss her but, because of what her dad has, she better remember she 23 and out of the house , just like my kids all out of the house, but I'm the last person that's got the say so if something happens to him, But you could try this the ones that do not get along if they are minors make them hold hands all day
2007-12-20 07:16:43 · answer #8 · answered by dare v 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Please understand this - no one person is obligated to get along with another person - even siblings - Goes back to Genesis - trust me.
For some reason, your grown (as in adult and allowed to make up their OWN minds as to whom they wish to be close without your input) children have decided to love one another from a distance.
Live with it. Shut up about it too. No amount of whining from your part will mend the rift. All it will do is backfire onto you and cause you to be the meddlesome mother - which is not good.
2007-12-20 07:15:57 · answer #9 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
pray about it and get them all together at your house...god bless and happy holidays
2007-12-20 07:15:25 · answer #10 · answered by God Bless America!~ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋